Saturday morning

It was a tough day on Thursday. From the time I dropped Julia off at school after her assessment until the time I picked her up, I was miserable. The label, the word, got to me and I went through the range of emotions. I have been wanting some label – I was calling it a diagnosis, but I wanted something that would get Julia what she needed in school. And here I had it and I was walking around with my heart hanging out bleeding.

Then we got home together and had some cuddle time and ate our leftover dinner and watched the end of Pocahontas II and read stories and put the kid to bed AND I felt lots more like myself. She is still my heart's desire and I am still crazy about her. And the label does not change her personality, talents, and love for us.

Thinking now about what the doc said and digesting what he said. He said her strengths were that she was a pleasing child, that she clearly wants to communicate and wants to have friends, and that she looked to me and also to him at times to see if she was doing the right thing – she wants to be successful.

When he first said these things, all that was in my head was “SO WHAT!” Everyone is pleasing and wants to please and wants to have friends. The last few nights I have been dipping a toe into the online literature about autism, I see that these strengths are indeed important.

This morning as we were getting ready for breakfast and Julia was at her white board in the kitchen. Her drawing has grown and changed so incredibly! Six months ago, she was scribbling and I was thankful that she was interested in doing that. Today, she was drawing herself swimming with stick arms in a recognizable position on waves and with bubbles around her. She drew a little boy who was peeing on the floor and I had to had a mother telling him to pee on the potty. She then drew herself having her hair brushed by me and a man with wings who was angry and crying. Her people are generally still stick figures but have very recognizable emotions and have shoes and clothes, sometimes with buttons. And she is always drawing relationships – people and animals with families or fighting, with swords these days, or being angry or being happy.

Julia also wrote the letters of her name twice on the white board this morning. Not the correct order, but carefully and the second set under the first. I do not make her practice writing or letters, so this is from school.

She is such a big dr. suess fan! David has found recordings of a few Suess stories that she likes to listen to and we have a Cat in the Hat for the computer that she likes playing with. She seems to be memorizing Cat in the Hat.

So I am still digesting the label, but I am living with Julia.