Our summer: We had expected to send Julia (8) to Camp Shalom this summer. She had a great time there last year and it is very inclusive and caring. Her teacher, Christy, advised last year that Julia needed to continue interaction with other kids, something that I do agree with strongly. HOWEVER, as we have been working on attachment this year, I am very inclined to keep Julia home with me this summer to build our bonds and to work on school work and other things we do together -- swimming and violin. Her teacher still would like to see Julia spend time with kids for the social aspect. My question is how little time with kids is necessary. Right now, I feel like she will probably not mature socially until she is firmly attached to us. Any ideas??
The "game": There is a "game" that has been going on in the school playground for a while now among the first graders. I have seen it now and then and wondered about it. I have not seen it often and it appeared relatively benign when I did see it, but another child told his mother about the "game" and she let me know.
Her words were: "He's talked about playing the game, "oh Julia" where you call her and she runs after you. I don't know if there is anything more to it. I have asked him repeatedly if he thought it was nice to refer to a person as a thing. His response has been, "oh, I didn't think of it that way," or said that Julia doesn't seem to mind—she just laughs. I told him to watch Julia's reaction because she determines if it's a fun game."
Julia really doesn't understand that this is treating her like an object. What is nagging at me is not that the kids play chasing games -- that is wonderful because Julia can fully engage in that one -- but that there is a game of specifically getting Julia to chase kids. She doesn't get that it could evolve into a mean game, or maybe is a mean game already. For Julia, she is just excited to do anything with other kids. I don't quite know how to deal with this. I am sure there will be some action taken if I alert the PTBs. I am wondering if I should some how talk to Julia about this.
3 comments:
Regarding keeping Julia home for the summer, I say go for it. You may be on to something when you feel that she will mature socially after her attachment is more solid.
Our daughter was having lots of trouble in just the first two weeks of kindergarten after spending a year in Pre K and I pulled her out to homeschool her. It worked wonders for our relationship and she is now able to interact with other children and is making friends, whereas a year ago she had none.
Joy
Are their short-term activities she could get signed up for...say a 2 hour playtime somewhere...where she could get some social interaction AND get lots of time with you? Sending her off for hours and hours each day would seem over-the-top in terms of attachment work, but a short playtime daily or 3 x a week, might work for both of you. Does that sound reasonable? A break for mommy and a break (plus some fun) for kiddo. All day every day might get to be a bit much for both of you. :)
Best,
Snick
I would have to agree with Snick; short playdates throughout the summer sound right. And I think you're on to something big about the attachment.
As far as the playground goes.....YOUZA! Is she able to answer your questions about this? Is she able to discern kids who are kind to her and kids who are less than kind? Is she able to be her own advicate and come to you when she is being treated less than kind? I know she thinks it's just a chase game right now, but maybe it's time for a conversation about kids sometimes behaving less than kind and empowering her. Even if she doesn't fully get it now, it's the start of many more conversations to follow.
And, for what it's worth, I would talk to the school folks. They really need to be aware of what's going on so that they can advocate for Julia in your absence. Until such time that she can advocate for herself.
Just my 2 cents. Sorry she's being treated as an object. =/
Traci
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