Tuesday

I do need to do more to understand all of my machines and their wondrous powers, but right now, I just need to write and weed and clean and bike. Forgive me.

We had Julia's IEP meeting yesterday. The meeting was long and good and I think our outcome will be good for Julia. It is so hard to hear that she is so far behind -- yes, yes, she goes at her own pace and we have so much healing to do -- still, my girl, my wondrous girl is so far from what other kids are doing at her age.

Julia is now at the end of Kindergarten for her reading work. She has done almost an entire year's work this year. Her math is way behind -- the child still has little conception of numbers. She is better at counting but loses her place at about 13. When asked to point to consecutive numbers one at a time, she needs to search for each number. As if 43 might not come after 42 this time. She works and she is better now than a year ago, and of course, better than 2 years ago, but we are on a detour that goes through many countries, and on a cobbled road instead of the superhighway.

And we are learning more patience.

I did a language sheet with Julia the other night. It had a number of sentences with the words mixed up. She was able to put the words in order without much support. And even though she needed support to finish, she was interested in finishing. Also, we did a code page where numbers of dots equaled letters. We did this once before and Julia had a hard time finishing it. This time, she knew what she was doing and did most of it be herself. These are first grade skills -- they are easy -- and I am very happy to see her moving there.

I am still shaken by Julia's crying on Sunday. It touches me so deeply to see this child suffer so much. Her statements that she hates herself and that it hurts too much break my hear. And all I have is the ability to love and witness. It is Julia that must do all of the work of healing. How important is learning numbers and learning to fit into an American childhood when she needs to dig deeper and deeper into her well of sadness.

um, too much melodrama? Possibly.

I am looking for a summer math program for a visual learner. Any ideas? I can't spend lots of money and I would like it to be pretty portable. I am looking for something that is fun and starts with the basic and goes through simple addition and subtraction.