email from the clerks office

Suzanne,

We hope this email finds you and Julia well. It appears that winter is coming though many of us are in denial. We were sad to part with David's items from his office, perhaps we hung onto too long, but know they hold so many memories for you. As the holiday nears we are discussing our gift exchange. I think David thought we were a little crazy. The white elephant exchange is a highlight for the office. There was some curiosity whether you kept the 3 foot decorated frog that David won one year and I volunteered to ask. Again, hoping you are well and please know we miss him too.

T.

Hello T.,

It is very sweet of you to write and ask about us. Julia and I are doing well. Healing takes such a long time and we have good times and challenging times but we are moving forward. This year's winter holidays will be better than last year's as we carve out new traditions and let the memories of all of our Thanksgivings and Hanukahs and Christmases show around the edges. Like lace peeking out from beneath a skirt. I can still be brought to tears in an instant but we are laughing more as well.

Thank you for saying what you did about David's office things. I waited so long before picking them up. Retrieving those boxes put an end to that part of his life. It was taking him away from all of you, that part of him that did not involve me or our girls. It was sweet to see the souvenirs that I brought back for him from Vietnam and Bolivia, trips that I made without him. It was sweet to see the pictures of the girls that sat on his desk. To paraphrase Joan Didion, those things won't be in the office when he comes back. Magical thinking? Very much so. Not conscious, at least not altogether conscious, and it had to be done.

As for the Christmas frog, I hope you will all forgive me for not sending someone an email before I got rid of it. David was so amused when he brought it home, and although I was not crazy about it, we celebrated it as a rather strange good luck token. Not much about 2009 was lucky, as it turned out, and I really didn't want to keep it. It was untaken in my yard sale last summer and a few weeks ago, I delivered it to St. Vinnie's on Park. If it makes its way back to the clerks office Christmas gift exchange this year, you must tell me so that I can have a good chuckle.

Thank you for all your good thoughts and support. Thanks for missing David. That is such a silly thing to say but . . . it is how it feels.

Please extend my best wishes to all those in the clerks office and also to the Justices, especially the Chief (of whom I miss hearing about so much), for the coming holidays.

All the best,

Suzanne