Yesterday, we visited the Camp Shalom where Julia will go to next week. We went at noon, got the tour, met her counselors, and just hung out for awhile. I took pictures of people and places and I am going to put together a little schedule in book form to see if that will ease Julia's transition.
Ah, the transition. After living with this child for 19 months, I am finally, finally getting to know her behavior. Julia's behavior yesterday was a shadowy reminisence of our visiting her first school in Indianapolis and our visits to Franklin School library last summer. Her behavior was subtle and could have almost passed for no behavior related to this transition at all, but it was there for me to deal with and find a way through.
Julia was a bit too excited when we were at camp. She was overly friendly with all of the counselors and of course, they all loved her. Ummm, one day, we will work on that behavior, but not now. She wanted to explore every nook and crany and went into all of the spaces where she was not allowed. When the camp folks said good bye to her Julia didn't want to leave and also said she was not coming back on Monday. (very much expected negative behavior regarding any change). We got into the car and I mapped out what I had planned for the rest of the day -- lunch at somewhere she liked (thinking that would reset the day), a short shopping for a few new letters (and stationery) and some groceries for supper, and an afternoon at the pool.
Well, not much of that happened.
Julia and I had lunch at a bagel place where she had a bagel hot dog. We talked a little about camp but mostly about the food and the afternoon. Then we went to a craft store and we had a near melt down in the store when I refused to buy something that she wanted. She cried at the check out counter and in the car. She adamently refused to go swimming and I thought grocery shopping was a waste of time. Instead, after she calmed down in the car, we decided to go home, put on a Thomas the Tank Engine video and snuggle on the couch. We did this and all was better by the time David came home and we had dinner.
After all this time, Julia is still threatened and defensive about transitions. She still doesn't completely trust that she will always be with us. Her behavior was better than it has been through any other transition, but she still needs more time and encouragement to understand what a family means.
In the late afternoon, the mail had a letter from Abby (Julia's friend MiaoMiao from her orphanage). Abby is almost 6 and has been home just over a year. She is quite a good writer and made Julia a very special card. I read the message inside and Julia wanted to write right back to her. It was very sweet. I put down what Julia wanted to say. Julia traced over the letters pretty much very neatly. Then she drew a picture to put on the front of the little card and we put the card in an envelop. She drew a heart on the back of the envelop and had me write some very loving words. These two girls still have eachother in their hearts and I am so happy for that.
Last night, we went on our favorite walk, to find dead fish on the banks of the Bay. Last night, it was the search for the Gross Ucky Big Dead Fish. What a fund adventure! But I am not going to post a picture. Again, we said Gross and Ucky lots of times.
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