So there are some like this and nothing to do about it. Some days, I feel so far from the super mom that Julia needs and that I am trying so hard to be. Some days, I can't believe that Julia will be able to act her age and learn.
When I got to school this morning with Julia, I spoke with her special ed teacher. This is not the special ed teacher who watched Julia last year and who conducted her IEP, and it is not fair to make any judgment because I have not seen this woman in action. BUT. But, I asked how Julia was doing and got a vague okay, saying that Julia is willing to do some things. I had no idea what that meant. Then, she said that her two goals right now were to get Julia to stay in line successfully and to get her to sit at work stations longer. The second goal tracks the big goals that we set last spring, but the first . . . . I have no idea. Is it a means to an end -- getting her to successfully transition from one activity to another, or is it the end. As a Catholic school girl, I spent lots of time on lines and I was incredibly good at stil and quiet. And it was a total waste of my time.
I thought we had worked on the line thing last year and that Julia was reasonably okay with moving with her class although not always on line. I don't know if Julia will ever move with a class on line. Is it important? And is this the same question that I have with swimming lessons?
I talked to Annie, Julia's OT therapist, today about swimming lessons. I also posted on two of my yahoo boards about lessons and got a bunch of replies, advice really. My decision is that I am not going to give up on swimming but probably on group lessons for now. If I can get her an aid during lessons, we'll see if we can use the groups. Otherwise, I'll try switching to private lessons or some adaptive lesson.
The question of where to put learning energy continued to weigh heavily.
After super, we had only a little bit of time to do some home work and Julia wanted to play with her animals. I asked her whether she wanted to do some work with the animals and she agreed. The three of us sat at the table. My first plan was to have her and David take turned giving each other animals and counting them. Then, I was going to ask each of them how many animals they each had. This didn't work because Julia had a hard time seeing the pile of animals and not playing with all of them. I got her to count that animals that she and David had, but she couldn't focus/or didn't know the answer to the question, how many animals do you have? So, I switched gears and gave both of them three animals -- David's were white, Julia's were brown. I asked her about the colors which is something that she is usually very good at. "Who has the white animals?" I thought I could get from there back to counting and saying who has how many animals. But Julia was more focused on the animals in front of her -- that she has elephants and they wanted to talk to David's tigers, etc. So, I switched again and gave her one elephant and David one tiger. Pointing to each animal, I asked what they were and I asked who had which. She could not tell me who had which, and so I did the pattern of questions with David. Then tried the pattern with her. It took us four times of going through the pattern and then trying to get her to give me the answers before she could do it. I gave her big hugs and kisses when she got it right, but we never got to taking turns or to counting animals.
Gosh, this point up so many problems -- (1) getting her to do any numbers related work, (2) using anything that she is really interested in to do work, (3) getting her interested in work with things that she is not interested in, (3) focus, (4) question words.
Then we went to choir practice. The Unitarian Church has a kids choir for kids 4-second grade. I thought Julia would do pretty well in that age group, and we went tonight. She had the worst behavior of the group. Yes, this is a new place to her and yes, she has never been at a choir rehursal, but neither had the 4 year olds. Her behavior was that of a 2 year old. She would not sit and stand with the rest of the kids, she wanted to move around and dance or just be silly. She wanted to lay on the floor, or lean on me, or talk. She was able to do the singing exercises, but to be able to sing she is going to have to attend to what the director says.
The thing about the rehursal that bothered me the most was that the other kids, some of them at least, were staring at Julia because of her behavior. Staring in very disapproving ways, judgemental ways. When I saw this, I wanted to scoop her up and protect her from those looks. I don't blame the kids -- they have been told how to behave and they are following those lessons. And Julia is oblivious. She has no idea of their disapproval, either because she does not see it or because she doesn't know what their looks mean. Will she ever?
At some point asking for advice about swimming, someone asked me what Julia says about not listening to teaching adults. And what was it that she wanted to do. Julia doesn't engage in that kind of conversation, and that is so frustrating. She doesn't answer to 'why.' And if I asked what she wanted to do, she would say to go home and play with her toys. She has time to do those things and we spend plenty of time at home. I think I need to get her out, among people, among kids.
1 comment:
I feel your pain. We face many of the same issues with my daughter, who's just begun special ed kindergarten this year.
My first thought was that perhaps something like choir is too structured for Julia right now. I know Maya does a lot better with activities that combine basic skills and instruction with a lot of time to just "be" during the class - running and jumping on the equipment and trying out new skills, with less emphasis on rote learning and instruction-following. Another technique I use is to choose activities where she is with slightly younger children, which helps keep the skill and behavioral expectations in line with what she's capable of right now, so that the classes remain enjoyable and not a struggle. Another option you might look into are therapeutic activities. Here there is a sports-type class (gymnastics, gymboree, etc.) specifically for children with challenges. Group sizes are small and the instructor is used to working with kids who need a lot of extra supports. Another mother in the kg also mentioned that therapeutic horseback riding can somehow work wonders for breaking down children's barriers to communication, while it's helping their physical skills.
Food for thought...
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