I'm starting this as a break from leaf raking. The good lord has blessed us with many trees whose ample summer shade sure adds up to a lot of leaves on the ground. The silver lining to this cloud, if cloud it be, is that all of our trees are bare. So this raking is the last raking.
Yesterday, I did the deed. I called the insurance guy (the person who has just a tiny bit of authority over who we can see under our plan) and told him I was dissatisfied with our therapist and I wanted to have a "real" attachment therapist. He went through the list of providers he could approve. The list has just three on it including our current provider and I had talked to all three of them before deciding who to go with. One of the other two said she did not do attachment work and the other said she was interested in do it. I told my guy this and added that I needed someone who had experience doing attachment, not just an interest. He asked if I had a provider in mind and I gave him the name. He verified that she was not in our network (which I knew already) and that it would be unlikely that that his supervisor would approve her. Yada, Yada, Yada. He asked his supervisor, and we were given a verbal denial over the phone. We wait for the written denial and I will start the appeal.
Meanwhile, I called the therapist I want to have and through three phone calls we have an appointment next week for an out-of-pocket session that we can use to see if we are good for each other, and I can see what she does so that I can be convincing if I have to argue before a panel. She also has a few clients who have already fought this fight and she will put me in touch with mom who just won her appeal. I have not won the war but I now have a battle plan.
We had a parent/teacher conference yesterday morning. Julia is moving along and is doing things that I wondered if she would ever do last year. She is spelling, creatively, she is reading some sight words, she is doing simple math, and she may finish all of the Kindergarten work this year. I was pleased with what Christy said and what she plans and how she took my suggestions. We do have such a good team working. Most important, is that Julia is making progress. It is her own rate and I can smile to think that what other rate would Julia care to travel at. Still, she has never lost ground and has not stood still.
Julia and I had the rest of the day together. We came home after the conference and it was cold and rainy and not at all a day to be out. Julia asked for a chocolate milk bottle. We snuggled on the courch and she drank her bottle. She hasn't asked for a bottle much at all -- once about two weeks ago and yesterday, but before that it must be months. We did some of our home work and then ran errands in the car. We sang the songs from Lion King and Julia was very cooperative through shopping for groceries, finding socks and tights for her, and visiting the rehab clinic to pick up some forms.
I worked in the class this morning. I made a new friend in a little girl names Naline. She is Asian and very interested in the fact that I am not and Julia is. I told her about adoption. She told me that her Daddy and Mommy looked like her. It was all very sweet.
I helped during Writers Workshop again. The teacher read two thirds of a story and then asked the kids to imagine an ending. The kids got a piece of paper divided in three columns and they were instructed to write and draw in each column -- beginning, middle, and their proposed end of the story. I worked with a table full of boys who worked diligently but who all decided to do the same ending. Mostly laziness and not a lack of imagination. They would rather get done with their work quickly and have time to play the games that they prefer.
Watching Julia during this time, I can see her behavior falling into categories. It is interesting that I can see this now. For such a long time, Julia's behavior and reactions melted into each other all too often. So this morning, Julia tried to control the situation for as long as she could. She went into the classroom and did not get on the rug as she was told. Instead, she invetigated everything she could touch and did not listen when she was asked to sit down. She ignored directions and pleas. She was brought to the rug and sat down, and refused to listen until the book that was being read caught her insterest.
I see her fight for control at home as well -- she refused to give me a kiss goodnight tonight. She was not angry with me but just refrains from giving me what she wants. She asks me if I am serious, or frustrated, or angry, and then if I am one of those, she gets angry and grabs at me, or twists my hand or tells me how she will hurt me. I think that these behaviors are related to Julia's attachment and it is these behaviors that I hope we can work on with our therapist.
The other behavior that I observed this morning was Julia's distractability and her ability to do her work with support. In my mind, both the idstractability and her ability to do her work is related to her development, and seemingly distinct from her need of control. If she is able to reliquish her need for control, she will be able to throw her energy into what she is doing. If she did this, I could imagine that she could work and play with her full self. And then what would we see?
I added to this entry over the day and it is evening now. Dinner is finished and David is doing the dishes. Julia is listening to music in the kitchen, drawing, dancing, singing. She loves it all so much. There are few words for such enthusiasm. It does my heart good to dance and sing with her, to let her spirit soar.
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