More about China

Julia spoke again about China. Last night, after stories and just before I turned out the light, she started by saying that she hated China. I said that China must have made her feel very sad and hurt, and Julia agreed. Then she started talking about peeing in her pants (how she did it, never does it now, how it was wet and stinky). I encouraged her to talk on not knowing what she was talking about. She told me that in a black car, she peed and lost her panties, but her green pants were still wet and she had to put them back on even though the pants were stinky. She said said that after mommy and Daddy took her hands, she went in a car and took off the green pants and never had to wear pants again.

I realized that she was talking about the day that we met, and asked her if she remembered Mr. Xiao. She told me that Xiao yelled at her and she hated yelling. I asked if she was scared that day, and she told me that she cried and cried that day, and again, that her pants were wet.

I don't remember her pants being wet or stinky, but she did take off those green pants and not put on another pair of pants for almost 2 years. She still doesn't wear jeans or any pants apart from stretch pants which are more like tights than pants.

She also told me that she was not going back to China, she was staying here, at home. I told her that she was going to stay with us forever and that she was safe. When I turned out the light, Julia cuddled closer than usual and hung on tight.

David said that when Julia first woke up this morning, Julia told him that she was scared. I don't doubt that sometimes she also dreams of what she is sad or scared about.