Saturday at the Y

Friday I was feeling old. I think I may be coming down with a cold -- soar throat and exhausted -- and I am an awful patient.

I was in class with Julia on Friday morning. She had a rough start of the day. When she walked in the classroom, Aaron walked up to Julia and pinched her on the cheek. Julia paused for only a moment before she lunged at Aaron determine to smite her enemy. She is almost unstoppable when she is in this mode. I pulled her away (and for about 2 minutes I was the only adult in the classroom) and asked Aaron to apologize because he started the fighting. Of course, by the time I had my hands on Aaron, Julia had to apologize as well. Aaron refused, and Seth and Dakota commented that Julia was hurting kids all the time. Julia heard this and wanted to fight them as well. Tell me this sounds like a bad day in middle school. Christy came in and sorted things out and commented that this was the kind of social skills Julia needs. Julia wound up outside the classroom on a step to calm down – she was having a lot of trouble doing that.

On one had, Aaron was responsible for the problem and an observer might think it was unfair to put Julia on that step, and to some extent it was, but it wasn't the initial behaviors of any of the kids that was being “punished”, it was Julia's inability to calm down. She could not let the emotions go, she could not lose so completely.

Boundaries and regulation.

Therapy this week – attachment therapy – went well. Julia is more interested in Marilyn and spent time looking over a feelings chart and book with her. I am guessing that Julia is interested in working with Marilyn because Marilyn spends most of the time talking to me. I told Marilyn about the two moments of possible China memory that we've had, and she told me to incorporate what ever of these stories we have into the animal stories about abandonment that I am telling Julia.

We are also going to try enforcing a new stricter toy policy whose purpose will be to force my limitations on Julia like a parent would for a younger child. The idea being that Julia does not have internal boundaries or limitations because no one took the time to impose them on a regular basis. Irregular or occasional discipline just doesn't do it and I am relatively sure she had some of that. We decided to begin with toys. The new rule will be to put a toy away before she takes out another to play with. She will have place – the top of the coffee table – to leave a few things out, but only parts of one play thing, like some of her little pets. We are going to put this into effect this weekend, but interestingly, Julia started cleaning up her toys much more willingly after Thursday's therapy appointment.

What we are looking for is something that we can correct and to force her to correct it. So, we are looking to put her into time out (always in our sight) and to bend her will and inclination. We shall see what happens.

As I watch the kids swimming, I hear instructors explaining concepts – the breast stroke, treading water – this kind of explanation is so impossible for Julia. Maybe it is time to reassess the lessons that she needs.

Two parents responded to my email about the play group and I got some good information about their kids and the team that one of the parents led. Upping the expectations of the kids is going to be a challenge. Just figuring out how to make a goal and then what to do to get there. I need some study and reflection.

Now for our semi-tragedy of the week. The hot water pipes in our bathroom (only bathroom) tub has been leaking again. This happened last year and we had it “fixed”. We knew it was a temporary fix at best. The tub and the plumbing around it is original with the house and after 80 years needs to be replaced. The tub is worn and ugly; the surround is plastic which I hated from the first look at the house. Of course, the bathroom was the first room we were going to redo, the kitchen was the second, when we moved in, but that was when we imagined that it would be no trouble for me to find a job. We had a few contractors look and give us estimates, but as the months wore on and I did not land a job, we were not comfortable doing renovations with money we might need to live on.

So! We returned from Florida to find the drips and dribbles turned into a steady stream of hot water. The bathroom is a virtual steam room (oh, my lovely paint job from the fall!) and there never seems to be enough hot water for a good shower. We have no choice but to do a partial renovation. Maybe I should consider fund raising, maybe I should try to make money designing blog headers and backgrounds. I am going to do the tiling which was not in the original plan. If we can swig it, we will try to replace the tub and sink, tile around the tub and put tile on the floor. And we are going to do it fast. I could use a bit of a miracle to afford it and to do it quickly.

I am a bad mother today. We got to the Y for swimming and it seems that the next session starts today (Saturday now) and we have not registered. We will still do private lessons with Linda and register for next session. Another thought is to just do private for the swim value and forget about the group lessons until summer.

The program head is allowing Julia to participate in a class today because we got here and Julia was ready to swim. She is not with Linda and I am watching to see if she listens to another teacher. Actually, this teacher is someone who has subbed for Linda before and can handle Julia, and Julia is not doing badly in this class. She isn't getting a lot of extra help, just this teacher's expectations and barking orders.