Spicy Dragons & Dinosaurs

Saturday evening on the plane. Yes, yet again, we are having a long travel day. We went from Madison to Detroit without a hitch, but then in Detroit our plane was found faulty a few minutes before boarding. Delta told us that there was another plane of the same size coming in, and we'd all be transferred to that one. But when it was being cleaned, another fault was found and the flight was cancelled. There was one later flight that could take about half of those on our Baltimore bound flight and because I happened to be in front of the counter when the announcement was made -- yes, I had been paying very close attention -- I was able to get two seats. I didn't want to be in a hotel room for the night and take up flying again tomorrow morning. Julia had been pretty good after a bit of a rough start (not listening when I told her to pack toys and then stuffing way too many dinosaurs into her bag) but I didn't want to press my luck with a night in a hotel and then more traveling.

So, we should make it to Baltimore a few hours and a few grey hairs later.

Another David is dead story --

Going through security, my bag was searched and our bag of vitamins and drugs were removed and the doubled bagged baggie of David's ashes were removed. The woman who was holding the ashes asked what was in the bag and I said ashes. She looked again at the bag and asked, what do you mean ashes? My husband's ashes, I answered. And then she dropped the baggie and looked at me with a mighty queer expression.

Kinda funny.

This is the first time that I opened the white box with a heavy plastic bag of David's ashes. There are more than I thought there would be and the ashes are heavier than I thought. I've cleaned up at least that many ashes from the fireplace and I don't think those were as heavy, but I've never picked up a smallish full bag.

So, I spooned some ashes out, doubled bagged, and put it in my backpack. I will put these ashes in Lisa's Labyrinth if Lisa approves. Although I love the labyrinth much more than David did, it is a holy place for me and I would like to think that a bit of David is in the holy place on the land that belongs to Lisa and Nick. A place that we've had so many wonderful, warm, joyous times.

Another thing about the ashes box. A few weeks ago -- and I don't think I've told this story, but I might have -- I noticed that the white box had black letters on 5 of the six sides. At first I wondered whether the box came with this writing. Then, I realized that it was Julia's writing. She has been doing little things like that lately. She goes somewhere in the house, is quiet and busy, and then I discover that she has taken all the books out of a book shelf, lined up all the dolls in our Marouska doll, or written on the box that houses David's ashes. She readily told me about the writing and asked what was in the box. I told her and she worried that we had burned Daddy before he was dead. And that burning was why he was dead. What ensued was a good conversation of what happens after someone dies. What happens with their body. Julia accepted it all but I think she will be asking more questions at some point.

And that is fine.

Last night, as I was walking the dog, the idea that I would never see David again went deeper. Words are hard to explain this, but I felt it sink closer to my core and I felt the bewilderment of knowing the truth. How can it be that I will never see him again? Rationally, I know what goes on, but on another level, sometimes I feel like I am