Saturday

Swimming lesson today and I am spending this semi-undivided free time watching Julia and writing. Julia has been home for Thursday and Friday, and will be home for Monday. I love spending time with her, she is becoming a better companion, BUT it is winter and the last two days, it has been better not to be outside because of cold. The greatest thing about her birthday is new toys that should occupy her through the weekend and dayoff.

Julia had a great birthday although it fell short of all my plans. We did not invite any kids over for a play time or party. I decided that it would still be too much stimulation for her. We wil do parties one day.

I had not bought all the presents that I wanted to or decorations for the house that I wanted to do. I did not have time to wrap what presents I had, and because we had all those cupcakes, I did not make a cake. Instead, Julia and I went shopping at Toys r' Us in the afternoon. We found a new small pet and a camera for Julia. We opened both and Julia practiced using her camera before Daddy came home. I wrapped the other two presents when Julia was busy with her camera, and I found a dinosaur tablecloths for the table. We ate Chinese takeout which we have not done before for her birthday but which might become a tradition. Julia loved opening her presents – a Ponyville music touring bus with a little pony in it which she named Rock (David thinks that when she asked what this pony was and he said rock star, Rock became that pony's name), and another little pet with a puzzle that we will put together this weekend. She also received two books from her Babja – Julia loves mail! -- one of which we read last night. It is the story of a little leopard who is very upset that he is going to move only to find out in the end that he is not moving far from his friends. Good story about changes and transitions. The other book is a fairy tale book. I've been wanting to introduce Julia to real fairy tales so this is a good beginning.

All in all, I did not get the gratification of a perfectly finished celebration but Julia seized the moment and had great day. Julia is such a teacher. All kids are of course, but Julia is must be a somewhat advanced teacher. LOL. I realized the past few days that I am thinking of Julia as 5 years old. Looking at her behavior, she is five. Some of her language is younger, she is missing some key concepts like rhyming and the ability to focus on stories with fewer pictures, but she is gaining on that as well. She is getting better at dressing herself and answering me when I call. “Why” questions are still elusive but she has asked both why and why not in the past few weeks.
We are chipping away at those cupcakes little by little. It is ashame that we couldn't same them for Tuesday and school or even Sunday's RE class, but even by last night they were a bit stale. So we are 'forced' to eat each and every one, minus the few we brought to speech therapy yesterday.

When Julia and I were icing the cakes on Thursday afternoon, she asked me if we were going to put the dinosaurs on top of them. I told her now and then remembered that that was what we did last year. And I think that that kid doesn't really remember. She is developing a past.

What does that past of China look like to her these days.

Our chosen attachment therapist still has not called. I will give her part of next week and another call or two, and then I will look else where. Ugh! I don't know what insurance will do, but I so want to start therapy. There is some of Julia's behavior that I have no idea of how to deal with. No, it is not so bad that our lives are miserable, but if we can improve her behavior, her life would be so much better – read that as, less anger, more concentration, more happiness. How I want more happiness for my girl.

Julia can be compulsive about my anger – anytime that I raise my voice, in the least, she is asking me if I am angry, if I am serious, if I am annoyed. Over and over and over. It is hard to tell her that I am not angry, just wanting her to do what I ask of her. Months ago I started to use “serious” as a way of explaining a neutral raised voice, but she interpreted it as a lesser degree of anger. THIS IS WHAT I NEED THERAPY FOR!

I have also been making her look into my eyes for short periods of time. She was really awful at doing it to my direction at first. Now, a few weeks in, I can slow count to 15 and keep her eyes for most of that time. I have been noticing her seeking out my eyes now and then, just fleeting, but checking on me.