Tuesday evening

I/we are getting through another day. Julia does lots of therapy on Tuesdays and apart from her regular morning absolute refusal to see anyone, she did great. When we went to clinic, she said good bye to me, took Cortney's hand, and said, Let's go upstairs. She was also pretty compliant when I told her that Ellen was going to come over after Stephanie and babysit for her.

And so, I am here sitting by David's bedside as he takes an after supper nap.

David is doing better today. He passed his swallow test and they let him have lunch and dinner. Unfortunately, he is weak as a kitten -- a very young kitten -- and he cannot pick up his own fork. He managed to say a few words to Cheshire on the phone, and he asked me a few questions, but most of the time, he is sleeping or very much out of it. He is not interested in watching tv, and there is no question about reading. This is sick. I guess I expected more bounce back today, and the degree to which David is sick is scary for me.

And I am afraid the way that Julia is usually afraid -- a little testy, angry, uncomfortable in my skin. Interesting to see it in myself.

I am cranky -- tired, stressed, frantic. I am keeping up and getting what I need done, but I am almost bored with my tasks. I don't have the energy to teach Julia or the right time to take her to the pool or for walks in the woods. I am trying to cut myself some slack and just go with what is happening, but I was ready to travel and party this weekend, and part of me is a pouty kid feeling sorry for myself. I'll get over it.

And I am not an inspiring nurse.