Friday

As sweet as our days in Maryland were, today was sad and hard. The main purpose of the day was to deliver the stuff -- bike, a few framed pictures, fake christmas tree, and sundries -- we brought out east for Cheshire to her apartment. We loaded up the car and headed for Brooklyn. On the way, we passed what looked like an old couple taking a walk. It was an old family friend who is younger than David and I wheeling his very ill wife along the sidewalk. His walk mirored his father's at a much older age; his hair almost white. We did not stop but I am almost sure we will see them again before we leave. My mother had told me about their circumstances but it was still a shock to see them.

Later, after dropping Cheshire's stuff off and admiring what she had done with her room -- a soft yellow now with roman shades and pictures on the walls -- we walked 7th Ave in Brooklyn and visited Carolina and David.

David and Julia in front of Cheshire's brownstone home.

Carolina's alzhiemer's is progressing very rapidly. She has had a recent change of medication and David told us that she was doing better than a few months ago, but there was no sign of recognition, and only mumbling with a few words. At times, she looked in my eyes and started to say something, almost as if, as if there were whole thoughts and a recognition of our whole past, but if she got out two words or if she blinks, the herself that I have always known vanished. Only the shell, the lovely outside of my friend remains. Our visit did not upset her in any way, and again, I took that as a positive sign.

We walked Julia so much today. She was fidgity and alive with interest in all that was around her. Brooklyn is a feast for the senses and she wanted to take it all in. It was very hard to walk with her head turned to where she was walking and to continue when she so wanted to stop after every step to see something or someone new.

David leaves for home tomorrow; Cheshire is still with us. Maybe we will try the Museum of Natural History tomorrow. Maybe we will stop eating tomorrow!

Sunday evening

We have been in Jersey at my mother's house since Friday evening. We have been visiting since we arrived and will be taking tomorrow off. We can use a day to regroup, maybe go swimming, at least spend time in a playground and running around. Our DVD player that we use traveling has broken but Julia has been great traveling in the car. I hope we can replace it this week for the trip home, but I have the feeling that I can occupy her with it.

Julia is still doing the listening therapy twice a day using the same moderation CD. It has been most convenient and practical to do it while we are driving even though Annie had advised us not to do that for awhile. It has worked fine -- no ill effects at all -- so I will continue. We are supposed to introduce a second CD this week.

Julia has been a bit hyper with all the travel and doing nothing but visiting. There has not been a lot for her to do. Thank goodness we brought a few plastic bags of her toys, crayons, and of course clay. She met two little boys during brunch in Brooklyn today, and they had a great time with dinosaurs and little pets. We could use meeting a few kids like that every day.

Today, we spent the afternoon Chinatown. At first, Julia was a bit hesitant about being there, but the shops, the smells, and the food lured her in, and by the end of our visit, she did not want to leave. We managed to be there during a church parade -- the Chinese answer to the San Genareo festival, which is a regular event in Little Italy next door to Chinatown. There were dragon dancers, a Chinese band (Old guys in white hats playing strings, some sort of loud horn, and drums), a ladies' drum band, and groups of kids, families, old men, old ladies, and finally, a statue of the BVM (Blessed Virgin Mary). It was not clear exactly what they were celebrating but it was great fun. Also, in one of the small parks where we found swings and sliding boards, there was singers and musicians doing something that sounded like an opera in Chinese, people doing Ti Chi, men doing a formal wrestling, and lots of kids. We got a good deal of stares -- the old white midwesterners with the crazy Chinese kid. Looking at the kids playing, I can see that Julia is getting to look pretty American in her manner but not completely so. Not like the Chinese American kids there. She still has a bit of China -- a stance, a way of moving, something almost so subtle that it is hard to pin point, but I could see it. So interesting.

We had a lunch of three kinds of noodles and dumplings. Although Julia usually loves dumplings, and these were wonderful (thin skins and very fresh), she did not finish even one and gave her full concentration to the noodles. We have braised noodles, fried noodles and cold noodles with sesame sauce. Each was better than the one before. David and I realized how mediocre the Chinese food that we usually get is. And this was not a really special restaurant but it was soooo good. Ah, NYC! Nothing like it at all.

I have no idea of what went through her head. She knew it was not China which was very good. She like being there. I am so happy about that. Sometimes, no most of the time, I wish we had more explaining, more real conversation. Julia is being a bit rough on me. She can be so angry with me. and she talks about hurting me. We have our attachment work cut out for us.

I am on dial up right now and can't post pictures. I may have to wait until I am home to add any to these posts.

Julia Update

A few days ago I was going to do a bullet point update, but with Cheshire home for a few days, my brain is emptied and I may not remember anything. I'll start with our plan for First Grade.

We had our IEP (Individual Educational Plan) meeting on Thursday. This is a mandatory meeting required by federal law with mandatory participants and specific forms to follow. In many school districts all the rules are necessary in order to ensure that the plans are completed and are followed. In Madison, or at least at Franklin School, the bureaucracy is not really necessary. Once again, as in the beginning of the year, I feel like we are part of a teach who are all interested in Julia's education and development. I do not tend to say things like this, but we are truly blessed.

Julia is finally ready for school! Her behavior and work readiness is that of a child entering Kindergarten. She will receive a lot of support next year at school, including OT, speech, ESL, social communication, some physical therapy. And best of all, she will be with the same teacher next year! I have since found out that the school tries to give as many kids as possible the same teacher for two year. The theory being that such consistency is good for young kids. Christy, Julia's teacher, knows her well and knows Julia's strengths, weaknesses, and tricks to get around doing her work. The class will be a K/1 class which is also great for Julia. She will need to do lots of kindergarten work and will not have to be separated from kids in her class to do that work.

The goals for the next year include reading and writing 3-5 word sentences, using numbers 1-20, following 2 step directions independently, moving through school routines independently.

Julia is using more sentences! Best sentence story comes from school:

Julia: That stupid! (probably yelling and with a stomp of her foot).

Amy (Julia's aide): Use your words Julia. And stupid is not a word we use. (Stupid and Shut Up are bad words at home and school.)

Julia: The rules are bad.

Amy: Why are the rules bad?

Julia: The rules are bad because they are stupid!

Amy admits that she had a hard time not laughing.

When Julia was evaluated at the Waisman Center, the evaluators talked about Julia's emerging understanding of her emotions. She is interested in her emotions and she uses a few emotion words all the time – happy, sad, and angry (or mad). Sometimes when I pick her up from After School, we look at a list of emotions and faces. She is very interested. Today, for the first time, she told us that she was grumpy. And she really was (probably because she did not have enough sleep last night).

Julia was a great traveler on our journey to Connecticut and back. She played with clay, watched movies, drew, and played with her littlest pets. The toughest part of our traveling was taking Cheshire's stuff from New London down to Brooklyn, then going from Brooklyn to Jersey to pick up the furniture we brought out from Wisconsin and left in Jersey, then back to Brooklyn to drop off the furniture, and then back across Manhattan to get on the road home. Julia had a great time watching the city, the people, the trucks and cars on the road, and the road itself.

During out back and forth traveling, we passed NYC China town three times. When Julia got back to school on Wednesday and Christy and Amy asked her where she had been, Julia explained that she went to see Cheshire and she went to China! Yes, she was watching.

Julia in Jersey

This has been a great week for Julia and I. We spent the week in Jersey with my mother. For us it was a visiting and vacation! Julia played with Jennifer’s doll house and all the little furniture and figures that were inside. She enjoyed what her Babja (grandma in Ukrainian) cooked for her and the extra hugs and kisses she received.

We spent afternoons at the Knights of Columbus pool that my parents joined years ago. The pool is not well used now and so the kids who use it have unlimited space in the pool. This is different from our community pool in Madison in that the shallowest water is 3 feet, and so, the water was much colder than Julia and I are used to. This was not much of a problem for Julia but she did come out a number of times with almost blue lips and enjoyed the warm towel and snuggle to get warm. Julia found kids to play with each time that we went. She especially enjoyed playing with a little girl who was just 4. Julia and this little girl jumped into the pool holding hands, and Julia jumped by herself at least once. The two of them splashed and played and "attacked" two older boys who entered into a substantial splashing war. This physical play without the demand of mature vocal communication was just pleasure for Julia. She was loud but no louder than the other kids and kinda rough for a girl, but those were tough boys. Julia also met two of my mother’s friends an by the end of the first day, she was calling them "grandma" and giving out hugs and kisses when we left. I wondered whether Julia calling these ladies "grandma" was somewhat a sign of respect. She may have done something like this with older people who she saw in China.

David was driving Cheshire to school during this week and he stopped at both his parents and mine to allow the grandparents to see our world traveler before she returned to school. After he helped her set up her dorm room, he stopped again in Jersey. As it turned out we had a very nice dinner with all the grandparents and the three of us on Julia’s adoption day. It was low key but very nice to be together. And Julia discovered shrimp.

It is amazing to think that we have been together for a year. Julia really has burrowed deep into our hearts and her attachment to us is still such a source of wonder to me. After spending a little time with Miao Miao, I see how much Julia is behind developmentally. I don’t know the reason, but from what I can put together from what I know of Julia and what I’ve now heard of Miao Miao, I am coming to see that Julia was not treated well at the orphanage. She was probably not a favorite, not sent to school when her friend much younger than she was sent, the food was not plentiful although Julia came home a fine size, and the stimulation was lacking. Julia and Miao Miao played with sticks drawing in the dirt, and neither girl knew what crayons were in China. The pictures that Miao Miao brought home included shots of her with various caregivers, shots of her at school doing various activities with other children, at least one shot outside the orphanage, and shots in more than one set of clothes suggesting that the pictures were taken on more than one day. Apart from the one picture of Julia with Miao Miao and the boy, Na Na, Julia pictures were of her alone and either inside the orphanage or on the play equipment. I wonder now if Julia’s caregivers saw a reason not to treat her as they treated her best friend.

I am very angry and bitter about Julia’s treatment at the orphanage. I do not believe that Miao Miao was treated very well at the orphanage. Why was my darling child not treated as well as her best friend? And there is no one to ask these questions of.

Julia nudges me to put my arm around her for the scary part of a movie.

On Friday, we drove down to Point Pleasant, a beach community on the Jersey shore. It was grey and damp day and so not a real beach day and my mom didn’t want to go into the sand. We walked the board walk – for Julia this was a first although she did not think the board walk was anything special – and I bought many, many ticket for Julia to go on rides. Each time we try the kiddie rides, Julia’s behavior improves, and although we had a short time when she did not want to do what I wanted her to, she was mostly willing to follow my directions. And she did go on lots of rides. She is beginning to look like she is enjoying rides. When we have taken her on other rides, she has looked very serious. She observes very carefully, she steers the wheel in front of her, she watches others, but she rarely laughs or waves to her crazy parents who call out to her and wave like silly people as she passes us each time. This time she noticed us and seemed to be happy waving.


Julia loves little roller coasters and has been on a few. This time the coaster was a little bigger. It was still very must a junior thrill but it went up and down and in two circles before returning to the platform. I decided to go on with her because I thought it might scare her some. Well, she loved it. She told me later and even today that she was scared during the ride but she screamed and held up her hands and laughed.
Julia got to know her Babja this week. Julia was really ready for this and being together for a day at the shore was a great cap to the week together.















I was working on my own Kohr's chocolate cone -- a Jersey shore favorite -- and Julia needed some ice cream guidance. Thank goodness for grandmas!











We are on the way back home to Madison. Julia has been good in the airport coming and going. She is more patient waiting on lines, more patient when we put on her VCR and let her watch a movie, more patient if we need to change gatesWe are on the way back home to Madison. Julia has been good in the airport coming and going. She is more patient waiting on lines, more patient when we put on her VCR and let her watch a movie, more patient if we need to change gates