Today looks to be a great gardening day! I have no appointments or meetings, Julia is in after school until 4. I have a free day! Planning for tomorrow, catching up on house stuff.
Yesterday's meeting between the school team and Marilyn went well. I don't know if there were any incredible new insights on either side but both sides pulled me aside to comment on their approval of the other side. Mutual admiration society time. We are going to do more to help Julia transition into second grade. Christy will take her to Beth's class some time this spring to introduce her to Beth and the room and show Christy's approval of Beth -- like a good adoption hand off, I hope. Julia will also be allowed and encouraged to visit Christy next school year some time during the day. We all agree that we don't want Christy to just disappear from Julia's life. Beth's class is a 1-2 which I had not asked at our IEP meeting. This will also help Julia.
I talked to Cathy, principal, about the "game" and blocking Julia's way into school. She will deal with it. It does emphasize how important it is to separate Julia from that little guy for next year. For the last two days, we have parked in back of the school and gone into another playground entrance. Today, for the first time Julia mentioned that she was scared of Aaron and I was able to tell her that she was safe and did not have to worry that she would have anything of hers taken from her. This is as close as I can get to what she is afraid of with Aaron. The issue appears to be one of pecking order for her and I am not sure how to address that.
In the morning, I went to the budget meeting for the PTO. This is the last time that I get to just sit and add my two cents when I feel like it. A half hour into the next general meeting, I will take over. I paid attention to people more than I usually do. I have to learn to work well with every member of this group and there are some that I do not understand, but all are committed to working to make the schools the best for our kids. I can work with that.
My request for money to keep our playgroup alive was debated and questioned. I have to do something for the next meeting -- have someone else present and motion for the money. They are looking for us to get other funding -- to make our group self supporting. I don't see that as something we can do right now or even in the immediate future. Another thing to figure out.
Julia was happy yesterday and this morning. I wonder if she is feeling safe?
Showing posts with label attachment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label attachment. Show all posts
28 April 2009
29 August 2008
Our second family day
Two years ago today Xiao Zhi Kuang became Julia ZhiKuang Buchko Schanker in the eyes of the People's Republic of China. We had known Julia for close to 24 hours, worried about her behavior, and fallen in love with the little girl whose picture we had stared at for five months.
Today, Julia and I had a lovely end of summer day. We watched Sesame Street over breakfast, finished cleaning up and sorting all of her little toys into new and/or different plastic boxes, then went to our community pool where we ate our packed lunch and swam for most of the afternoon. We came home before David arrived home from work, and Julia played with her toys. Once he was home we decided to go to a Dance. Yes, indeedy, there are Dane (County) Dances in August. This was the first one that we went to. It was on the roof at our Ovature Center, a concert venue that sits on one of the lakes. The view was great, the weather perfect. There were food venders for our supper and a great band with lots of people around for dancing. Julia wanted to dance close to the band, but close to the band was close to the speakers and that was too loud for her. We went to the back of the dance space and had a great time. I swung her around, had her doing circles under my arm, and jumped around with her. Julia insisted that she dance with me and with David and then insisted that David and I dance.
This wonderful child, full of challenges and full of surprises. This child who molds our days and who has changed our family in many way. This child is ours and we are hers. How glorious that is.
Other Julia happenings:
Julia was not particularly excited to visit her school yesterday, but she hugged Christy when she saw her and talked and talked to her. She went around the familiar classroom (Julia's teacher, Christy, is teaching a K-1 class this year and we are sooo pleased that Julia is in this class), touching, playing, saying hi to kids she knew and new kids. There is another adopted Chinese girl in her class. I've spoken with her father at the beginning of the summer. Julia went up to the little girl and welcomed her into the class. By the time it was ready to go into the playground for popcicles, Julia was having fun. This morning she asked me when I was going to let her go to school again. This is not wild enthusiam, but it is definite interest. Yahoo!
Julia and I played a short matching game today. I put out 8 cards at a time and when we got down to 2 cards I put out six more. Julia was able to turn over two at a time, remember where certain matches sometimes, and took pleasure in piling up her matching cards.
Our speech therapist, Carol, is retiring at the end of September. I am thrilled for her. She has been great with Julia and has compared notes with our OT therapist which has been wonderful. She will be so missed.
We visited a family therapist, Lance Woods, who has worked with adopted kids, kids who have experienced trauma, and kids on the spectrum. I am hoping to do attachment therapy with him and to understand more of Julia. We told him that our concerns were Julia's anger, especially towards me, and her inability really relax or nap. I am feeling like that second concern is about hypervilence. I don't know how feeling about this therapist. I did not immediately connect with him. He told us that kids with attachment issues never really recover and that we may never have the same relationship with Julia that we have with Cheshire. This may be the truth. I don't know. Possibility this is a reality that he feels he needs to tell new clients. To me, it is needlessly pessimistic. And I believe that our relationship with Julia is pretty good, not perfect, and we have work to do to make it truly and fully loving, but we have come so far.
On another front: I still have a laptop with a virus. I am giving up trying to do something about it myself and surrender it to the official geeks to be cleaned and serviced. I am not writing emails and not using any of my other programs. I hope to be up to speed again before long.
Today, Julia and I had a lovely end of summer day. We watched Sesame Street over breakfast, finished cleaning up and sorting all of her little toys into new and/or different plastic boxes, then went to our community pool where we ate our packed lunch and swam for most of the afternoon. We came home before David arrived home from work, and Julia played with her toys. Once he was home we decided to go to a Dance. Yes, indeedy, there are Dane (County) Dances in August. This was the first one that we went to. It was on the roof at our Ovature Center, a concert venue that sits on one of the lakes. The view was great, the weather perfect. There were food venders for our supper and a great band with lots of people around for dancing. Julia wanted to dance close to the band, but close to the band was close to the speakers and that was too loud for her. We went to the back of the dance space and had a great time. I swung her around, had her doing circles under my arm, and jumped around with her. Julia insisted that she dance with me and with David and then insisted that David and I dance.
This wonderful child, full of challenges and full of surprises. This child who molds our days and who has changed our family in many way. This child is ours and we are hers. How glorious that is.
Other Julia happenings:
Julia was not particularly excited to visit her school yesterday, but she hugged Christy when she saw her and talked and talked to her. She went around the familiar classroom (Julia's teacher, Christy, is teaching a K-1 class this year and we are sooo pleased that Julia is in this class), touching, playing, saying hi to kids she knew and new kids. There is another adopted Chinese girl in her class. I've spoken with her father at the beginning of the summer. Julia went up to the little girl and welcomed her into the class. By the time it was ready to go into the playground for popcicles, Julia was having fun. This morning she asked me when I was going to let her go to school again. This is not wild enthusiam, but it is definite interest. Yahoo!
Julia and I played a short matching game today. I put out 8 cards at a time and when we got down to 2 cards I put out six more. Julia was able to turn over two at a time, remember where certain matches sometimes, and took pleasure in piling up her matching cards.
Our speech therapist, Carol, is retiring at the end of September. I am thrilled for her. She has been great with Julia and has compared notes with our OT therapist which has been wonderful. She will be so missed.
We visited a family therapist, Lance Woods, who has worked with adopted kids, kids who have experienced trauma, and kids on the spectrum. I am hoping to do attachment therapy with him and to understand more of Julia. We told him that our concerns were Julia's anger, especially towards me, and her inability really relax or nap. I am feeling like that second concern is about hypervilence. I don't know how feeling about this therapist. I did not immediately connect with him. He told us that kids with attachment issues never really recover and that we may never have the same relationship with Julia that we have with Cheshire. This may be the truth. I don't know. Possibility this is a reality that he feels he needs to tell new clients. To me, it is needlessly pessimistic. And I believe that our relationship with Julia is pretty good, not perfect, and we have work to do to make it truly and fully loving, but we have come so far.
On another front: I still have a laptop with a virus. I am giving up trying to do something about it myself and surrender it to the official geeks to be cleaned and serviced. I am not writing emails and not using any of my other programs. I hope to be up to speed again before long.
10 August 2008
Sunday evening
We have been in Jersey at my mother's house since Friday evening. We have been visiting since we arrived and will be taking tomorrow off. We can use a day to regroup, maybe go swimming, at least spend time in a playground and running around. Our DVD player that we use traveling has broken but Julia has been great traveling in the car. I hope we can replace it this week for the trip home, but I have the feeling that I can occupy her with it.
Julia is still doing the listening therapy twice a day using the same moderation CD. It has been most convenient and practical to do it while we are driving even though Annie had advised us not to do that for awhile. It has worked fine -- no ill effects at all -- so I will continue. We are supposed to introduce a second CD this week.
Julia has been a bit hyper with all the travel and doing nothing but visiting. There has not been a lot for her to do. Thank goodness we brought a few plastic bags of her toys, crayons, and of course clay. She met two little boys during brunch in Brooklyn today, and they had a great time with dinosaurs and little pets. We could use meeting a few kids like that every day.
Today, we spent the afternoon Chinatown. At first, Julia was a bit hesitant about being there, but the shops, the smells, and the food lured her in, and by the end of our visit, she did not want to leave. We managed to be there during a church parade -- the Chinese answer to the San Genareo festival, which is a regular event in Little Italy next door to Chinatown. There were dragon dancers, a Chinese band (Old guys in white hats playing strings, some sort of loud horn, and drums), a ladies' drum band, and groups of kids, families, old men, old ladies, and finally, a statue of the BVM (Blessed Virgin Mary). It was not clear exactly what they were celebrating but it was great fun. Also, in one of the small parks where we found swings and sliding boards, there was singers and musicians doing something that sounded like an opera in Chinese, people doing Ti Chi, men doing a formal wrestling, and lots of kids. We got a good deal of stares -- the old white midwesterners with the crazy Chinese kid. Looking at the kids playing, I can see that Julia is getting to look pretty American in her manner but not completely so. Not like the Chinese American kids there. She still has a bit of China -- a stance, a way of moving, something almost so subtle that it is hard to pin point, but I could see it. So interesting.
We had a lunch of three kinds of noodles and dumplings. Although Julia usually loves dumplings, and these were wonderful (thin skins and very fresh), she did not finish even one and gave her full concentration to the noodles. We have braised noodles, fried noodles and cold noodles with sesame sauce. Each was better than the one before. David and I realized how mediocre the Chinese food that we usually get is. And this was not a really special restaurant but it was soooo good. Ah, NYC! Nothing like it at all.
I have no idea of what went through her head. She knew it was not China which was very good. She like being there. I am so happy about that. Sometimes, no most of the time, I wish we had more explaining, more real conversation. Julia is being a bit rough on me. She can be so angry with me. and she talks about hurting me. We have our attachment work cut out for us.
I am on dial up right now and can't post pictures. I may have to wait until I am home to add any to these posts.
Julia is still doing the listening therapy twice a day using the same moderation CD. It has been most convenient and practical to do it while we are driving even though Annie had advised us not to do that for awhile. It has worked fine -- no ill effects at all -- so I will continue. We are supposed to introduce a second CD this week.
Julia has been a bit hyper with all the travel and doing nothing but visiting. There has not been a lot for her to do. Thank goodness we brought a few plastic bags of her toys, crayons, and of course clay. She met two little boys during brunch in Brooklyn today, and they had a great time with dinosaurs and little pets. We could use meeting a few kids like that every day.
Today, we spent the afternoon Chinatown. At first, Julia was a bit hesitant about being there, but the shops, the smells, and the food lured her in, and by the end of our visit, she did not want to leave. We managed to be there during a church parade -- the Chinese answer to the San Genareo festival, which is a regular event in Little Italy next door to Chinatown. There were dragon dancers, a Chinese band (Old guys in white hats playing strings, some sort of loud horn, and drums), a ladies' drum band, and groups of kids, families, old men, old ladies, and finally, a statue of the BVM (Blessed Virgin Mary). It was not clear exactly what they were celebrating but it was great fun. Also, in one of the small parks where we found swings and sliding boards, there was singers and musicians doing something that sounded like an opera in Chinese, people doing Ti Chi, men doing a formal wrestling, and lots of kids. We got a good deal of stares -- the old white midwesterners with the crazy Chinese kid. Looking at the kids playing, I can see that Julia is getting to look pretty American in her manner but not completely so. Not like the Chinese American kids there. She still has a bit of China -- a stance, a way of moving, something almost so subtle that it is hard to pin point, but I could see it. So interesting.
We had a lunch of three kinds of noodles and dumplings. Although Julia usually loves dumplings, and these were wonderful (thin skins and very fresh), she did not finish even one and gave her full concentration to the noodles. We have braised noodles, fried noodles and cold noodles with sesame sauce. Each was better than the one before. David and I realized how mediocre the Chinese food that we usually get is. And this was not a really special restaurant but it was soooo good. Ah, NYC! Nothing like it at all.
I have no idea of what went through her head. She knew it was not China which was very good. She like being there. I am so happy about that. Sometimes, no most of the time, I wish we had more explaining, more real conversation. Julia is being a bit rough on me. She can be so angry with me. and she talks about hurting me. We have our attachment work cut out for us.
I am on dial up right now and can't post pictures. I may have to wait until I am home to add any to these posts.
17 July 2008
Yin & Yang
Today, we have the light stuff and the heavy stuff. I'll start light.
Yesterday was Julia's half year birthday. I smile as I remember that one year I let my birthday pass without mention and some of my friends celebrated my half birthday -- so very sweet. Julia just started understanding birthday - as in, the day you are born -- about two months ago after the last class birthday party of the school year. We have been talking about her half birthday and even though I doubt whether she understood the concept of half, we decided to go for it.
After OT yesterday, we went to Whole Foods and picked out a much too expensive carrot cake (kid has good taste). When we got home, I worked on her alphabet work with her and she earned her last two of ten stickers to get her newest two LPS pets -- two little kittens. Then she took an aveno bath (still with the rash, though better, and lots of bites), as I put finishing touches on her favorite supper food -- bok choi with Udon noodles. We had supper and settled down to a movie, stopped part of the way through and had our cake, complete with candles and singing, and we gave her a present -- the LPS fun house.
She was beside herself with joy. She thanked us many times, including the last thing before she went to sleep and first thing on waking up. Gifts are still an incredible unexpected surprise to her and they make her very happy. "I girl happy!" she tells us.
Julia had a hard time getting to sleep last night and did not really bed down unitl almost 10:30. By that time I had been dozing and waking, and was not ready for bed myself. I stayed up and watched a great tv program about searching for Atlantis and looking for it in Bolivia at a site called Tewanaku, which is the ruins of an ancient Andean civilization. There are over 3000 ancient civilization sites in S. America most of which have not been explored and no one knows much at all about the civilizations. By the time the Europeans came over, these civilizations were long dead and the explorers/invaders had no interest in what the people remembered of them. And so, even the stories about the civilizations disappeared. I can't help but think of our European-American modern civilization without the stories of Egypt, Greece, and Rome. What if . . . what if.
Well, good transition into the heavier stuff.
I have been feeling the tug to do attachment work with Julia. Why? Well, probably because I read too much. No, more likely, I read online and books just enough. I know that Julia's behavior still baffles people who should know kids on the spectrum, and although everyone says tht all kids with autism are different, the bafflement of Julia's teachers and therapists have nudged me on. Coupled with that, I think I have an internal timetable that is dictating something about our two year anniversary as a family of 4. I joined the yahoo group for attachment/china adoptions and have almost finished reading the Connected Child. I was further drawn in by the warning, from an expert, that the intensive autism therapy which is behaviorally based (and for which we are on a long que to be offered) is not good for kids with attachment disorders, so it is important that in the next 18 months or so, I tease out the threads of attachment issues or at least investigate them before we get into the 20-30 hour/week commitment of autism therapy.
So, now I read about attachment and trauma, and can see how Julia's behavior could be described as the result of those experiences. I hope that our new therapist -- family shrink -- is sufficiently expert enough to help me on this journey.
What a puzzle, this child.
Yesterday was Julia's half year birthday. I smile as I remember that one year I let my birthday pass without mention and some of my friends celebrated my half birthday -- so very sweet. Julia just started understanding birthday - as in, the day you are born -- about two months ago after the last class birthday party of the school year. We have been talking about her half birthday and even though I doubt whether she understood the concept of half, we decided to go for it.
After OT yesterday, we went to Whole Foods and picked out a much too expensive carrot cake (kid has good taste). When we got home, I worked on her alphabet work with her and she earned her last two of ten stickers to get her newest two LPS pets -- two little kittens. Then she took an aveno bath (still with the rash, though better, and lots of bites), as I put finishing touches on her favorite supper food -- bok choi with Udon noodles. We had supper and settled down to a movie, stopped part of the way through and had our cake, complete with candles and singing, and we gave her a present -- the LPS fun house.
She was beside herself with joy. She thanked us many times, including the last thing before she went to sleep and first thing on waking up. Gifts are still an incredible unexpected surprise to her and they make her very happy. "I girl happy!" she tells us.
Julia had a hard time getting to sleep last night and did not really bed down unitl almost 10:30. By that time I had been dozing and waking, and was not ready for bed myself. I stayed up and watched a great tv program about searching for Atlantis and looking for it in Bolivia at a site called Tewanaku, which is the ruins of an ancient Andean civilization. There are over 3000 ancient civilization sites in S. America most of which have not been explored and no one knows much at all about the civilizations. By the time the Europeans came over, these civilizations were long dead and the explorers/invaders had no interest in what the people remembered of them. And so, even the stories about the civilizations disappeared. I can't help but think of our European-American modern civilization without the stories of Egypt, Greece, and Rome. What if . . . what if.
Well, good transition into the heavier stuff.
I have been feeling the tug to do attachment work with Julia. Why? Well, probably because I read too much. No, more likely, I read online and books just enough. I know that Julia's behavior still baffles people who should know kids on the spectrum, and although everyone says tht all kids with autism are different, the bafflement of Julia's teachers and therapists have nudged me on. Coupled with that, I think I have an internal timetable that is dictating something about our two year anniversary as a family of 4. I joined the yahoo group for attachment/china adoptions and have almost finished reading the Connected Child. I was further drawn in by the warning, from an expert, that the intensive autism therapy which is behaviorally based (and for which we are on a long que to be offered) is not good for kids with attachment disorders, so it is important that in the next 18 months or so, I tease out the threads of attachment issues or at least investigate them before we get into the 20-30 hour/week commitment of autism therapy.
So, now I read about attachment and trauma, and can see how Julia's behavior could be described as the result of those experiences. I hope that our new therapist -- family shrink -- is sufficiently expert enough to help me on this journey.
What a puzzle, this child.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)