Swimming & Julia's view of life

Swimming lesson writing: I have been talking to the PTB at the Y and they are arranging for an aide to with Julia during her lessons. Her present teacher, Linda who is a spec ed teacher in her non-aquatic life, is also going to give Julia private lessons in addition to group lessons. My goal continues to be two-fold, that is, to have Julia learn how to swim, or how to do the stokes necessary for her to become a better swimming, and to teach her to learn within a group and participate in a group.

SO, towards those ends, I offered Julia two stickers if she (1) listened to Linda today, and (2) did what Linda asked. Julia is now at the point where I can tell her what I expect and then ask her what she is supposed to be doing and have her repeat, with help, what I told her to do. (Just this is an accomplishment considering that this kind of instruction, question, response was impossible last year at this time). She was primed and ready BUT Linda is not at lesson today! LOL. Best laid plans, and I hear the gods laughing.

In any event, there is a substitute, Loren, and only three kids in class today. Julia is trying right now to listen and keep herself controlled enough to do what she has been asked.

I need to be able to communicate with Julia over a long distance – I wonder if we should be learning some signs so that I can remind her to listen or to do as she is told. Can I get her to look at me when she feels herself loosing control? Is she that cognizant of how she is doing? Can I help her to be?

At home, Julia is asking me a lot of the time if I am angry or mad at her. She is more and more aware of my moods whenever I veer from center in the slightest. I can be stern, grumpy, direct, etc. – I find it hard to quantify my moment-to-moment emotional landscape. I search for words to answer her questions and wonder how many of them she understands. If it is necessary for her to quantify emotions in order to learn them, then I have to both understand myself and figure out what will translate to her.

I continue to read about trauma – two books, one a tome – and Julia’s behavior when she automatically greets every direction with a "no" and her hitting seems to fit that of kids who have suffered trauma. Not surprising at all. Now, can we heal her? She needs compliance and willingness to learn.

Thank goodness, she is so cute.

Julia brought home a paper the other day – an assignment regarding families. Families have been the ongoing theme for awhile. On the page was two drawing spaces – one for when Julia was a baby and one for now. Christy told me that she worked with Julia on this just to make sure that it was not too much for Julia or that it did not go into scary or bad places. On the baby side, Julia drew a baby crying in a crib on wheels. There was a big person in the picture as well but the person was not near the crib. Julia told Christy that when she was a baby, she was crying. Christy asked her if there were times that she did not cry or other things to put in the picture. Julia told her, no. baby Julia cried all the time. Christy, possibly not knowing how to respond and wanting to acknowledge in some positive way what she was told, said to Julia that sometimes, babies have a hard time and that life gets better when they get older.

The other side of the paper was crowded with people and things. Julia drew a happy pictures of herself, she drew her classmate Clare and Clare’s mom, she drew lots of toy – little pets of course. She told Christy that she is happy, that she has a friend in Clare, and that she loves her toys.

Saturday in Madison

Back at swimming class. Julia missed last week because we were camping and the break seems to have been good for her. She was enthusiastic this morning about coming to the Y. The fact that we can no longer go swimming outside helps. She has given up serious asking to go to our community pool.

Julia is listening to a CD right now which is supposed to be stronger therapeutically than the two she has listened to before this. I am waiting for some reaction. To be so poised and wonder what will happen.

Today in the car, I called Cheshire. Because of the call, Julia had to wait until I was done to have music turned on. She waited without whining and when I was finished, she asked for music. Her appropriateness surprised me.

Is Julia actually trying to do the overhand stroke while holding on to a floating barbell?

Ummm, I did not post pictures of the camping trip because I didn’t take any. I packed the camera but I decided early on that I was not going to burden myself with one more thing. I had enough going on without the camera. Not that it was tough with Julia – she was cooperative and listened well. It was an adventure from start to finish but not an incredible challenge. Julia is beginning to rise to the occasion from time to time. And I did enjoy the living rather than recording of her and us. Now, of course, I’d love a picture of her next to the tent and roasting marshmallows, but I am sure I will get one sooner or later.

Later: Today is just beautifully quiet and perfect. Now, that we are officially into Fall, Madison weather is late summer-like. The early turning leaves are golden and red but the breeze is warm, the sun is shining softly through the clouds. Perfection. Our neighbors catty corner are having an Obama fund raiser on their lawn. We went over for a little while but Julia wanted to come home because the neighbors were drumming and it was too loud for her. And so, I sit on the porch and she listens from across the street and watches her bees.

Julia is more compliant than usual today. She takes a hand when she needs to, she closes the bathroom door when she leaves while I am in the shower, she lets David wipe her mouth after lunch without pulling away.

Julia is hitting in school. This hitting is what I have been having trouble with all summer – sometimes it is not hitting but threats of hitting. She can get angry quickly and strikes out. She is repentant afterwards, but doesn’t seem to be able to do anything about it before she does it. She also doesn’t have the words for "why" she is doing what she is doing. Why is she angry? I know that she had stored a lot of anger inside of her. What can we do about it? This is what I wanted to work with the family therapist about, and this is what we are waiting to work on. Patience is wearing thin.

Saturday at the end of summer

Today was really a perfect Madison end of summer day. We started out at the Farmers' Market. The sky was incredibly blue with only a few whispy clouds that Julia pronounced she didn't like. Contrary child that she can be. It was still cool when we started out and there was a plethora of vegies, fruits and beautiful, beautiful flowers. Late summer and early fall farmer's markets are the best. I bought some tomitillos, cilantro, and sweet peppers for salsa, some cabbage for stuffing during the week, tomatoes, cucumbers, and peppers for our salads, a cookie for Julia, and a maple lollipop just before we left. Julia made it around the whole square without fuss. Ah, time is changing. Last year at this time, we were wondering if we could ever shop on the square on Saturdays. I bought some Obama buttons -- an "Obama Girl" for Julia and an "arrogant elitist for Obama" for David.

Julia and I went swimming in the afternoon. The pool closes tomorrow and it was a lovely day to be in the water. Actually I think we got more sun yesterday and today than we got during our entire east coast journey. The hot sun felt good, the water was great -- water never gets that warm in Wisconsin. Julia went down the slide with me twice. In the beginning of the summer she went down the slide, got flipped around while going down, got scared and decided never to go on the slide again. Doing it today brought her summer full circle.
At the pool, we met some of the kids who Julia went to camp with. Thalia & her dad who owned this house before us, and Julia V. and her mom with another kid. The girls are all 6 and 7 and going into first grade like Julia, and Julia was very excited to see them. Unfortunately, the girls were into talking and Julia is not. It breaks my heart to see Julia try so hard and just not get it. She is so plucky though. She teased Thalia and the others for a bit and then went in the pool and looked for someone else to play with. Last year, Julia wanted me to play with her all the time. Right now, she will play with me now and then, but prefers to go in alone and trol for friends. Today, she met with some luck. She found a little girl who wanted to play with the ball the Julia had brought. They threw the ball and swam to get it. At one point, there three little boys started splashing them and they "fought" back. This is the kind of play that Julia can engage in.

Nick and Thalia left with the other neighbor and her kids. They were all going to Nick's house where the kids were going to play on a trampoline. Nick asked us to join them, but I demured. I could see that Thalia was not interested in having Julia come over and I didn't want to push Julia on her. They might be friends at some point in the future.

For supper, we went to Taste of Madison. Another event! Lots of restaurants put up stands around the square and serve food for under $4 a plate. Julia had a great little steak or nu-nu from a steak house stand; we also had Thia food, great onion rings, and some Indian. Julia had Superman Ice Cream for desert.

We had two baloon incidents today. LOL. Both on the square. There is a baloon man on the square during the farmers' market. He made Julia a red snake was scary green eyes. Okay, this was not a complicated baloon animal, but Julia liked it. As we walked around the square, David took control of the snake let it touch, just touch, the cement and boom, it was gone. Julia was sad and pouted a bit was a pretty good sport about her snake. Then, at supper Julia was given a red baloon that we tied onto her wrist. Of course, she wanted to take it off her wrist and she did and it floated up and away. We watched it go until we couldn't see it anymore. Julia wanted it to come back to her and strangely enough, as we were getting out ice cream, two women were trying to blow up another red baloon and let it go. It landed at Julia's feet and she was sure it was her baloon come back to her. The women told her to keep it and Julia was thrilled. So much for teaching her that a released baloon never comes back. Then again, maybe she was discovering the magic of a baloon.

Our second family day

Two years ago today Xiao Zhi Kuang became Julia ZhiKuang Buchko Schanker in the eyes of the People's Republic of China. We had known Julia for close to 24 hours, worried about her behavior, and fallen in love with the little girl whose picture we had stared at for five months.

Today, Julia and I had a lovely end of summer day. We watched Sesame Street over breakfast, finished cleaning up and sorting all of her little toys into new and/or different plastic boxes, then went to our community pool where we ate our packed lunch and swam for most of the afternoon. We came home before David arrived home from work, and Julia played with her toys. Once he was home we decided to go to a Dance. Yes, indeedy, there are Dane (County) Dances in August. This was the first one that we went to. It was on the roof at our Ovature Center, a concert venue that sits on one of the lakes. The view was great, the weather perfect. There were food venders for our supper and a great band with lots of people around for dancing. Julia wanted to dance close to the band, but close to the band was close to the speakers and that was too loud for her. We went to the back of the dance space and had a great time. I swung her around, had her doing circles under my arm, and jumped around with her. Julia insisted that she dance with me and with David and then insisted that David and I dance.

This wonderful child, full of challenges and full of surprises. This child who molds our days and who has changed our family in many way. This child is ours and we are hers. How glorious that is.

Other Julia happenings:

Julia was not particularly excited to visit her school yesterday, but she hugged Christy when she saw her and talked and talked to her. She went around the familiar classroom (Julia's teacher, Christy, is teaching a K-1 class this year and we are sooo pleased that Julia is in this class), touching, playing, saying hi to kids she knew and new kids. There is another adopted Chinese girl in her class. I've spoken with her father at the beginning of the summer. Julia went up to the little girl and welcomed her into the class. By the time it was ready to go into the playground for popcicles, Julia was having fun. This morning she asked me when I was going to let her go to school again. This is not wild enthusiam, but it is definite interest. Yahoo!

Julia and I played a short matching game today. I put out 8 cards at a time and when we got down to 2 cards I put out six more. Julia was able to turn over two at a time, remember where certain matches sometimes, and took pleasure in piling up her matching cards.

Our speech therapist, Carol, is retiring at the end of September. I am thrilled for her. She has been great with Julia and has compared notes with our OT therapist which has been wonderful. She will be so missed.

We visited a family therapist, Lance Woods, who has worked with adopted kids, kids who have experienced trauma, and kids on the spectrum. I am hoping to do attachment therapy with him and to understand more of Julia. We told him that our concerns were Julia's anger, especially towards me, and her inability really relax or nap. I am feeling like that second concern is about hypervilence. I don't know how feeling about this therapist. I did not immediately connect with him. He told us that kids with attachment issues never really recover and that we may never have the same relationship with Julia that we have with Cheshire. This may be the truth. I don't know. Possibility this is a reality that he feels he needs to tell new clients. To me, it is needlessly pessimistic. And I believe that our relationship with Julia is pretty good, not perfect, and we have work to do to make it truly and fully loving, but we have come so far.

On another front: I still have a laptop with a virus. I am giving up trying to do something about it myself and surrender it to the official geeks to be cleaned and serviced. I am not writing emails and not using any of my other programs. I hope to be up to speed again before long.

Wednesday in Maryland

We are with Lisa and family for a day and a half. Lots of fun and vacationing for us! Today, we went tubing in a small stream (river?) close to the house. Julia loved tubing with Sarah Grace.

And even walking back to the start of the riding. Unfortunately, Julia lost one of her flip flops to the river. She needed them walking on the rocks (as I did) and now all she has are her shoes until we get home.
David and Cheshire relax on our picnic blanket.
Most of our crew -- I am snapping pics and Nick was working. But what a beautiful bunch!

Saturday in Madison

Once again sitting in the humid laden cavernous spaces that houses our Y pool. Julia is swimming. Allen, her teacher, has six kids, including Julia, and no assistant today. He works hard to include all of the kids and still keep Julia going. She is doing more of what he tells her to but she is far from independently doing what he wants. He has gained her trust, and the fact that I promised an extra sticker for listening and doing what Allen says helps her stay on task. She is not as disruptive as she was two sessions ago. I sigh, just slightly, with relief. I see that she can be taught even in this circumstance in which she is not with the teacher every day. She is practicing an overhand backstroke with him which is really hard for her in terms of trust. To float on her back she must abandon her control to see what is coming. And she does it with him. Fantastic.

I was looking back to last year at this time and to two years ago in 2006. In 2006, we were waiting ever so impatiently for our travel approval so that we could go to China to adopt Julia.

Okay, Julia is supposed to be using a swimming noodle to practice her overhand stroke. She is hitting the water with the noodle and making very loud sounds. I take back that sign – no, not really. If Julia make the olymic swimming team, heck, when she graduates high school, we may be inviting Allen. I say over and over, but it is so true, that we have been extremely blessed by those who are helping educate our child. God, the gods, the universe, my angels – someone or some power – is looking out for her. Of course, I am reminded again that I should be working with Julia outside of class on what she is learning to make her more compliant with Allen by giving her more confidence and knowledge.

A year ago, we were unpacking and trying to do something constructive with Julia's defiant behavior. I was worried and wondering what was going to happen when school began. We started going to the school library to get her use to the building. When did I start cheering “Franklin School, the best school in the world!” each time we passed the school? These days, Julia was say that once in awhile when we pass the school – ah, brainwashing! Would my teaching count as torture? Ha.

A few ideas from the book I am eating up – one is to use consistant terms – short and consistent. Cheshire favorite – On task! -- is a good one, and yes, I use it with Julia. The author using “redo” as a way to correct behavior and offer a child a second chance to change their behavior.

One critisism of the book, there are a few examples of a parent doing a good job getting their
child to change their behavior. The senerio is so happily on target and pleasant and in a convenient time and place, that it is hardly necessary to do at all. I know it is just an example, but I wish that they would acknolwedge that the perfection just doesn't happen. Julia is much more apt to behave badly two minutes before we need to leave the house, on the stairs, in a packing lot, or just as we are leaving a line at Target, than in the middle of the afternoon when we are alone without distractions or outside pressures. I have stopped in so many public and inconventient places to correct her behavior, but it is never easy, and would kill a parent who is easily embarassed. And for her part, once Julia has started her bad behavior, she is not one to give it up without a tussle either verbal or physical. The notion that I could just bend down and say in a soft voice that she should “re-do” her behavior showing respect to me or to whatever she has shown other behavior to, is a true fantasy.

And I need a new bathing suit for that girl – maybe two to last through another three weeks of camp and then vacation. The one that she has is beginning to really stretch out. Julia wears a bathing suit every day and it is amazing how quickly it wears out.

This morning, I slept in and David let Julia watch Saturday morning cartoons. I insist on PBS – task master mom – but a morning of Tom & Jerry, violent as it is, will not destroy her. We were just about ready to turn off the TV when a Spiderman cartool came on. Julia hates Spidie, and she called to David to turn off the TV. I told her she could turn off the TV (which she is fully capable of doing and has done many, many times), and she did. We then talked about how she never needs to be scared of what is going on on the TV. She can always turn it off when she doesn't like what is on. I know this one is going to come back and bite me, but I am also looking for places where she can have the power over her fears. Spiderman and TV is perfect.

We went to the Madison art fair after swimming. We went last year as well and it is easy to compare Julia's behavior. She listened so much better -- hard as it is for most art a child has to look with their eyes! She had to be careful of things that break -- and of course, those are the things she wants to pick up and hold. Lots of interesting ceramic and clay pieces that she identified as made of clay. She liked the things made out of glass as well although she doesn't understand glass that has lots of color -- well, neither do I. She has a lot to say about the art and it was almost a joy walking around with her -- not a joy in that I am sure my blood pressure was a bit higher than usual, and I was physically holding her back from touching at times. But she will never learn to look if we don't go.

There were also kid dance troupes there performing. Once school (and I am sure there are more that this one), breaks their troupe into "teams" and compete. Compete and dance? Oh, I have a bit to say about that -- dance is not sport, but someone wins gold, silver and bronze. Oh, I am an old fashion puerist. Dance is art and the children should be trained to that. But American kids are taught to compete and I guess if there is no competition, you students get siffened off to do more competitive activities.

Julia body rash of last week is getting better. Slowly. I kicked it into high gear a few days ago with Aveno oatmeal baths, a menthal anti-itch cream, benedryl at night, and a steroid cream used sparingly. I also did not put sun screen or bug spray on her first thing in the mornings for camp. I spray her clothes for bugs and the counselors put on sun block right before she goes into the pool. She has gotten darker, so the lack of sunblock is exposing her to more sun, but her skin is getting better.

I am waiting for the urge to report and share this weekend, but I think I better just start writing. It is sunday and Julia and I are doing "Q" work this late morning/ early afternoon. She is sitting and doing work pretty consistently for at least 30-40 minutes. Lots of drawing and coloring in that work but also follow directions, naming letters and sounds, tracing over letters, and copying letters. Her copying letters still needs my direct help -- saying the letter and pointing to where to put it -- and these letters are not on the bottom (of 3) writing lines, sometimes not in the correct order, and would be impossible to read, but they are getting better. I can see improvement over three weeks.

Julia and I spent the afternoon swimming. Last year, I was Julia's only playmate in the water. This summer, Julia likes to try to play with other kids. On Friday, she was able to find a little boy who splashed and chased her, and she did the same. Not all kids take to Julia direct manner of speaking and invasion of their space, and so some kids shy away when she approaches, but she tries nevertheless. Her stamina is to be admired. I was never that brave. She remains a people person without the proper skills, but she will figure them out. We have an appointment for an assessment at a clinic which could provide intensive ABA services to Julia (if and when our turn comes up). This clinic also has social groups for high functioning autistic kids. I am hoping that Julia can get into one of those groups. I am not very good at social leading and modeling -- I could use some coaching myself. A class would also provide other kids. I didn't think that would be such a big deal, but I have no been very successful in finding kids who would be willing to socialize with Julia.

Julia has a rash all over her body! Ugh! Poor kid, she is incredibly itchy. Yes, I gave her some oral and topical meds, but I had to stop brushing her and she is still uncomfortable. I am guessing that it is either the sun screen or the bug spray. I put her in long pants today and hope that she will not roast at camp. A few chemical-free days would be a blessing. Anyway, I think so. We had this same rash last year, and it went away before we could get the appointment at the doc. Of course, there was no answer on what it was but it was the same time of year and similar circumstances.

Now for the weekend!

Marcia and Matthew came up for the Fourth, and Matthew's aunt and uncle from Chicago were also visiting Madison. We had a very nice dinner that I so enjoyed cooking. The dessert -- this chocolate raspberry creation (just copied from epicurious.com) was a great hit. Julia and Matthew almost licked their plates clean and asked for seconds. The rest of us just wished we could fit another bite into our over extended tummies. I miss planning and hosting little get togethers and bigger parties. It is time!

On Saturday, we had a fun Wisconsin day. Julia's swimming lesson, followed by the Madison Farmer's market, good pizza, a trip to Baraboo to visit the circus world museum, and out to eat.

Julia's swimming lesson went very well -- better than most others. She is getting to do more and more of the activities that her instructors ask her to do. I hope this continues. I have gotten lazy about going over her lessons when I take her swimming. I know it helps, and I have to pick it up again.

We spent the afternoon at Circus World in Baraboo, about an hour north of Madison. Baraboo was the home of the 5 Ringling brothers of circus fame. The museum is a great place for adults and kids. We saw two shows -- a small circus and a wild west show. Julia got to ride a camel and an elephant, and also to eat pink cotton candy for the first time. (Cotton candy use to be a once a year treat for Cheshire, and I think the same rules will apply with Julia.). There was a great history and poster exhibit that we breezed through (another time, I will get to read the entire thing), an animal tent, and very cool costume and wagon exhibits. The whole campus sits on the banks of a lovely running brook and the small town of Baraboo is just around the corner. Charm -- real, not manufactured -- just oozes from every flower bed. Julia did very well because the spectacle and sound was on human level. She can take a good deal of stimulation now, but the mega-stimulation of big movies, and I am sure big theme parks (although we have not attempted one of these) is just too much.

Kinda funny thing -- There was a lot of shooting during the wild west show and after the show when the performers came out to meet the audience, Julia scolded one of the cowboys for shooting, making noise, and hurting other cowboys. He promised he would try to be better!

Julia also was able to meet Annie Oakley. She was pretty much in heaven. I think looking for a book about Annie is in order.

And just to note, while we were feasting and visiting this weekend, our intrepid Cheshire was also doing some historical visiting of her own. She attended the International Hot Dog Eating Contest held on Coney Island every year since 1916. (The link is to a new article if you want to see picture -- of hot dog eaters, not of Cheshire.) Nice to see her furthering her education and exploring NYC on her days off.

Update

Julia told me last night that her legs, particularly her calfs, hurt sometimes at camp. Wow! This was just what I wanted to work on this summer and she is doing it. We have been doing lots of activities involving calfs because hers are weak. We walk down our steps using both legs, we walk in the pool whenever I can get her to do it, and we are walking to the camp bus. When I picked her up at camp yesterday to go to speech therapy, I could see the amount of running and walking that the kids do. Not to much for normal developing kids but probably a bit too much for Julia. No wonder her legs hurt at night. I rubbed her calfs and it seemed to help a bit. I will consider saying something to her counselors if she keeps complaining, but she seems to be keeping up which is so cool.

The bugs, the bugs, the bugs! Julia was not too crazy about the bug spray on Monday. Today, she asked for it.

She is such an amazingly friendly child -- we walked to the bus with one of the counselors -- a guy named, David. Julia tried to engage him in her type of conversation. He did not get it at all, but she didn't quit. So many good qualities for her life!

Have I written how dirty she is when she gets home. It is great! Even after swimming. She did say something last night about being pushed into the pool or being splashed by other kids. She was not upset by it, but said she did not have her goggles on.

How optimistic does a parent of an autistic child have to be? I usually can see all those half full cups but, sometimes . . . . When I get frustrated with Julia's behavior sometimes, I yell. Maybe loudly coax would be a polite way of explaining my behavior. I have given her a potch, a slap, on the bottom at times as well. My Spicy Dragon takes great offense when I do bad behavior. “Don't yell, Mommy!” she says after she has done most of the yelling in any situation. “We don't hit,” she says indignantly. And she is perfectly correct. I apologize. This morning getting in the car we had some yelling on Julia's part. We all told her not to yell and a few blocks later, she said “Julia stop yelling.”

I am writing at least part of this during Julia's swimming class. Alan is having a hard time getting her to listen, but she does try at times to do what is asked of her. If she understands, it is a bit easier for her, but she doesn't always understand or keep what is asked of her in her mind. I don't know if we will ever make it out of polliwogs. I don't care how many times she has to repeat the class, but I want to see a little progress. HOW DO KIDS LEARN?
Julia is trying to initiate conversation with us and with anyone who will talk to her. On the way to the Thia restaurant last night, we passed a woman digging in her garden.

Julia: Hello.

Gardener: Hello. (With a big smile for Julia.)

Julia: Are you digging? (It too more than the normal amount of time for Julia to get this out. Not stuttering, but a pause to find the words. The kind gardener waited.)

Gardener: Yes, I am digging. It's hard. Would you like to do it for me?

Julia: No thank you. Bye. See ya' later.

Gardener (laughing now): Bye Bye.

Julia calls our names multiple times a day in an attempt to start talking. Trouble is that when we acknowledge her, she has nothing to say. I usually initiate some question at that point, but sometimes I just want quiet. I admit it. I just want quiet but only after she has said “Mommy?” for the 100th time in the hour. I do need to take extra patient pills for the summer, especially if I want to get some learning in.

There are people, especially kids, who have a hard time with Julia. Her impulsiveness and aggressive behavior – not hitting or anything but in-your-face speaking and playing. The worst response to her is ignoring her. The other night, she was on the swings with a few kids she didn't know. When it was time for us to leave, Julia said, “Bye, Kids. Goodnight.” And they just stared at her. I don't think tht she gets it yet. I don't think she understands that she is being ignored, but does she understand on some level. I hurt for her, but . . . . I grew up different and was always so happy that Cheshire didn't have to be so very different. Sending her to Sycamore was a way of making her like everyone else. But now I have my real challenge – my different child.

But for everyone who ignors her or looks at her funny, there ae people who are caring and loving. I don't know whether it is Julia who capture hearts or the extreme kindness of the community around us.

Julia is doing the frog kick on her back and she looks at me. I give her a thumbs up and she gives me a big smile. She has learned that pleasing her parents is a good thing. Plus, I promised her an extra sticker today if she listens to Alan. I'd like to give it to her. If she listens about 30% of the time, she gets the sticker. That's really good for her in the pool.

I wonder about Julia's inner life. I have no idea if she expresses everything she thinks about and feels. Her spoken range of emotions is happy, sad, angry, and grumpy. What else does she fell and does she want to express it. Is it language that prevents her from doing it?

They are practicing saving someone in swimming. The kids lay on the side of the pool and extend a noodle to a “drowning” person. The person grabs the noodle and the kid pulls them in. Julia was taught this in her school swimming lessons and she revels in the fact that she understands what to do. I can plainly see this. This afternoon I planted annuals while Julia played with bubbles. She is now able to modulate her breath to blow gently and make huge bubbles. Yeah, we practice everything but some of it is fun.

We are being visited by a very fierce late winter snow storm and it is a perfect day to stay inside and work with clay. Julia and I found an interesting clay book – Ceramics for Kids, by Mary Ellis – with lots of ideas for projects and lots and lots of pictures. We are due to go to our ceramics shop – Fired Up – tomorrow (depending upon he weather of course) and I want to see if we can bring a clay creation or two to fire. Or to see if it can be fired. Our directions have been simple enough but I figure that we will do everything wrong for the first few times. What is there to do wrong? I have no idea; if I did I wouldn't do it.

We had a great time at the Kalahari Resort in Wisconsin Dells yesterday. It was warm inside the water park, it was crowded but not jammed, loud but not unbearable. Julia did not seem bothered by the intense sensory imput although I needed to go to a quieter place for lunch. We spent the morning in the kids' pools, the lazy river, and the hot tubs. I asked Julia if she wanted to go down the big slides and she refused. After lunch when we were in a hot tub, Julia saw that some of the big slides used rafts and she wanted to go down those slides. We went down three different slides a number of times each and I was the one who had to call it quits. At some point, my tummy decided that the speed and zig-zagged journeys down the slides were a strain and I certainly didn't need to get car sick on a water slide. Julia was or acted very disappointed to stop sliding. Last night when David put Julia to bed, she told him, “No more slide” and “Back to the puppy house, no slide.” Maybe she was not so very disappointed afterall.

There are a few words that I have told Julia I don't want her to say. I made this rule a few months ago when she brought home the word “stupid” from school. The words include “Stupid” and “shut up” and if I remember correctly, I had the same rule with Cheshire at about this age. Julia has not used these words since I laid down the law but I did not think much about it. A few nights ago we were watching Ice Age in which both words are used (Yes, I know “shut up” is not a word!) and Julia reminded us that both were bad words. So my little girl listened and is obeying my rule.

Spring Break

Julia is on spring break -- which I think should be called "Still-winter Break." Yes, it is getting warmer bit by bit and the snow is melting. Again, bit by bit. BUT we are spending most days in the 30s with a few reaches to the low 40s.

Anyway, the break. I had planned lots of out of the house activities, but Julia has wanted to spend her time here, at home, inside, playing by herself and with me. All okay.

She is watching Sesame Street! Really watching it -- counting when they count and saying her ABCs when they do that. I actually wish they would do more of that -- they used to when Cheshire was watching it. Lots of the "lessons" in the skits are going over her head, but the birthday party short film, which they've shown every day, is accompanied by Julia singing. She wants a pinata. LOL.

We had a play date yesterday with a friend from school. Julia and A run around together in the school yard and build lego in the class room. They are both on the spectrum and have some socializing challenges. It was interesting to see them interact -- some of the time they played together and other times they were at oposite sides of the house. It was also a start, a good start. Even though A was not a model kid to "teach" Julia about appropriate socializing, the play date gave me more confidence. We need to move towards finding a model friend -- as recommended by the Waiseman doc. This would work better if I had a friend around here with a kid willing to learn to play with Julia.

Julia did not have especially good OT and speech appointments this week. She is more compliant and more willing to transition between activities, but she spent more time hiding in her shirt and acting tired. It made me feel like she was taking that step back after weeks of moving forward. Of course, I worry each time she does not move forward, but I also realize that I have to cut the kid a break. Sometimes I find it hard to be the one who prods her ahead and who is always teaching something, and at the same time who understands that not every day is a step ahead. I will learn.

Today, it is sunny, but chilly. Julia and I are going to drive up to Wisconsin Dells and go to an indoor water park. Tonight, we are expecting snow -- 4-8 inches (no comment necessary) -- and we will spend lots of tomorrow working with clay. We found a library book about kids working with clay and Julia is really excited about using it.

Lists, swimming, and a snow blower

Two Julia things –

I have been using a daily list of activities with Julia during the winter break and although she can be a bit resistant to making the list, once we get started, it is good for her and she is enjoying. Today, our list was shoveling snow, food shopping, visiting the Y, swimming, shopping for a snow blower, playing a game, working on the number 3. I draw pictures of each activity on our small chalk board and we cross off activities as we do them. It is surprising to me that such a simple process works with Julia.

We joined the Y today – took the tour, signed the check, and went swimming. Julia was beside herself with joy. What a fish she is. I almost felt guilty that we have waited so long to find a place to swim with her. Definitely, we are going to sign her up for classes. One facility Julia is not old enough to use at the Y is the hot tub. There was no age limit at the JCC and Julia always enjoyed the hot tub, especially in the winter. Now she has to wait until she is 16. I’m also expecting to make some good use of the Y once Julia goes back to school. A good time for new year’s resolutions.

We bought a snow blower today. Ummm, getting in touch with winter? I guess we could have suffered though the winter, and as long as I am not working, I could take care of the walks and driveway, but I am not sure how we could handle it once both of us are working. And my mother’s been after me to look for something that we could use. Thanks, Mom.

I did the research last night, and ran into a neighbor early this morning who was using the Toro model that I was interested in. It is a smaller blower but this neighbor has used it for a few years and said he was very happy. That was all I needed to find a shop with some stock and sales help who could answer questions. And now we have a new machine!

A lovely day

We had to stop at Michael's custard and get ice cream this afternoon. Julia demonstated some very professional cone technique. She is her father's daughter.

There is much to do in the house to be totally unpack, but . . . but there are no boxes in the living room. The bathroom is unpacked and our frig, stove, washer and drier are all installed and working. These installations were hard won. The frig is too wide for the space and door molding had to be taken off to fit it in. Another reason to re-do the kitchen soon. The stove, washer, and drier had to be installed by a plumber and that fine craftsman spent a long time here yesterday. I could worry what it is going to cost but I am so happy to have my own appliances I almost don’t care. Who knew I could care that much about a stove?

Julia had a good weekend and a few days. Last Friday, I let her go on the big slides at the community pool. She had been begging to go down the JCC slides but she was too short. At the Madison community pool, Julia is tall enough and she swimming is fine for using the slides. She was fearless going down the open slide and then went down the closed tube. There she hit her head somewhere and when she landed in the water she informed the lifeguard that she wanted to see her mommy. I was right there, of course, and Julia was done with the slide and done with the swimming for the day. She told Daddy that night "no more pool" and complained about the bad slide. After a few days, I was concerned that she would be scared of the pool, so on Sunday, we all went over and Julia played for a long time in the pool and then, she and I, separately as per the rules, when down one of the slides.

The sun has been out since we’ve been in Madison. Did we move to Wisconsin or California? However, last night it rained, it was gray all day to day and rained again tonight. The weather here has been pretty nice. A few days of heat and good for the pool, and lots of rather cool days. I feel pretty hesitant about the weather here – okay, it is nice today, it was nice yesterday, but what about . . .
I am beginning to be in this house without comparing it to our Indy house. It is beginning to feel like home.