Weekend update

Saturday (I started this on Saturday) and a good warm day to be outside, to walk, to shed the heavy down coats and to cavort around town in sweat shirts and caps. But a friend emailed about her health and suddenly the fragility of everything we hold dear become a bullhorn today. A Spring day in February in Madison. That is what we have today.

I have been doing the cuddling, hand holding my my terms, and a few other things that Marilyn suggested. Julia balks a little at my dictating the timing and time of our cuddling. I tell her what I am doing -- holding her to make our family stronger. I have no idea if she understands what I say on any level but she does understand my I love yous which she is saying more often as well.
Marilyn also wanted me to up the ante on the naughty chair. Instead of offering her the choice of doing what I ask or the naughty chair, I tell her that after the present time when she gets the choice, I will ask once and then send her to the naughty chair. But I must admit that she is no fool at all, and when I tell her that there will no long be a choice, she conforms and listens to my first request. On Friday, she actually volunteered to set the table.

This morning – Sunday now – Julia got a bit angry around my leaving early for church to sing. She was watching her movie and did not want to be distracted. I did not turn off the movie but grabbed her for a hug and a 10-count with our eyes. She squirmed at first but we finished 10 in sync and both said I love you.

These pretty descriptions do not tell the whole story, of course. But truthfully, at home, we have gotten pretty peaceful for the moment.

At swimming on Saturday, Julia was paired with a little boy who has Downs. He is 6.5 and short; she 8 and tall. They make a funny pair, and both challenge Linda's authority. I think they fed on each other's stubbornness yesterday, but they can learn from each other as well. I spent most of the lesson talking to his mother. I have eyed her for two weeks but did not feel comfortable just approaching her. We've now seen each other enough times and both know the other's kid has challenges. We talked of what is turning out to be the usual things with parents of kids with disabilities – school, therapy, socializing, and what the future holds. She talked about her son's problem with socializing and making friends. I told her about our new social skills group. She hoped that I could bring it district wide.

Later, before we left the Y, we ran into one of Julia's specials teachers who had heard about the social skills group at a faculty meeting and hoped the it would become a pilot program for our district. I can get thrilled with this, but need to move one day at a time to make sure I am doing all necessary work.

But the possibility of helping lots of kids with social challenges is very exciting.

Keeping me honest, Julia's behavior today at church and at the puppet show was pretty awful. I left to sing with choir at the early service; Julia and David were coming for the 11 o'clock. Julia was supposed to stay with David for the first part of the service but she wanted to come back to our classroom. She did and was fine with Erin, Kay, and I until I started to teach. Then she rushed forward and hit me. Later, while we were waiting for a puppet show to begin (yes, this was after church.) I asked Julia is she was angry because I was teaching and did she want me to teach again. She answered very clearly in the affirmative and negative. I can see lots of reasons why she might feel this way, but the fact is that I am one of the RE teachers and I will teach again. I will ask Marilyn what she thinks.

Julia got angry again at the end of the puppet show and she pinched, hit, and dug a finger nail into the back of my hand. I hurt but refused to get angry – this is still so hard for me. I made her count to 10 with me and I could see she was a bit embarrassed to do it in public – I might be seeing more in her reaction than is there. Maybe, maybe not. But if she can get angry and strike out, then we can take time to look at each other and count. When I look in her eyes and I see her calm down, I wonder if the calming will stick someday. I tell Julia that we do what we do to make our family stronger. I hope we are doing that.

I am drawn back to think about my friend and the possibility that she may be ill. I just don't want that. I write it as if I had some ability to change anything at all.