Julia and I went to an open house for her class on Tuesday, and Julia had a pretty awful melt down just before we left the house. This hasn't happened in a long time and she is so anxious about going to school.
I held her through a lot of the melt down and tried everything that I could to calm her down. Nothing that we usually do worked; Julia would calm for a moment and then ramp herself up again. Finally, I was feeling pretty desperate and started telling Julia, "You are safe." I suddenly felt that I was in the right place, and said over and over that she was safe, that I brought her to school every day and picked her up every day, that I was not going to leave her, that she was home, home in Wisconsin, that she would never go back to China, That I would never leave her, ever. I became very intense, speaking over her cries and threats to hurt people, speaking through and insisting. It took Julia awhile to hear me. When she finally did, she looked at me with big eyes and two tears came out of her eyes. She smiled at me and we played a little together before we left for school.
The school visit went very well. Rowan greeted Julia on the walkway to the playground and Julia was so happy to see her. She was incredibly appropriate as she said hello to the kids who were there.
Then yesterday, Julia was standing on the stool in front of the bathroom sink while I was doing her hair. I was taking out the elastic that she had put in. The hair was wrapped around the elastic and so I was pulling hair and hurting Julia as I was taking out the elastic. I was trying to keep her calm and she was getting angry. I did not think she would try to hurt me but she banged her head back and hit my lip. Oh, it hurt! and it made me angry. I had to put her out of the bathroom and into the hall to get myself together. After I calmed down, I was able to take her back into the bathroom and did her hair. She was very apologetic and I was still hurting. I realized that I had the chance to say something special to her and I sat her down and told her that even though I was angry and hurt that I still loved her and that she was still my dear little girl. That nothing stopped me from loving her. And she told me that she understood. I think that she did.
Julia is anxious about the beginning of school. David said regression, and it feels like regression. She is angry more often, but she has also started to tell me that she needed to "get the angries out." Hugs work, and we will find other things that work. I find it incredible that amidst the turmoil that she is feeling right now that Julia is still moving forward somehow. She will find her way. I know that she will.
Julia does not know what before and after means. She understands with visual cues and in context, but does not really know what those words mean.
Ok, enough Julia.
I got some bad news today. The oil tank was dug out of the driveway of my mother's house, and it had many, many holes in it. The soil around the tank is definitely contaminated with oil and now I am responsible for cleaning it up before the house can be sold. All of the contaminated soil must be dug out and disposed of. There is no way to tell right now, how much soil we are talking about. The state in involved with this, and there are permits and testing and inspection before we get a "no further action required" certificate. I will get a state EPA case number. Because of the contamination, the city of Bloomfield will not give us a Certificate of Occupancy which we need to sell the house. Our realtor says that Buyers usually walk away from this kind of situation and I am waiting for that call. The cost of such remediation is quite significant. Undoubtedly, this will prolong probate.
This news knocked me for loop! I did not realize how much I want to be done with the estate work, especially the selling of the Bloomfield house. I have been holding my breath, hoping for closing next week, and knowing in my gut that something was going to happen. What I hate most of all is doing all the repairs on the house and now knowing who to call or how the work is being done. But going out to Jersey to watch them dig up the tank today would have been crazy. Being 800 miles away is just really out of my comfort zone, and constantly asking Barbara and her family for help in opening doors or checking on things is awful. I feel like such a leech.
And now, it may be months.
Ugh!
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