Wednesday

Well, my vitamins and new diet must be kicking in, or the stars are in a new alignment, or the gods are blessing me. I am excited and energized about my fall tasks. I've been working on PTO recruitment and have some of the board set and some old chair positions renewed and even a few new recuits. Just this morning, I wrote an entry on our play group yahoo group, and I hope to get that started again. The exhaustion of the late spring is gone!

What a summer!

Last night, I spoke to my friend, Jan, and told him about this odd feeling that I have lost my imagination. I have felt this for a few months now -- a fading away of the naratives that have always run in my head. I have always told myself stories which have entertained and sustained me through all sorts of hard times. Now, they are gone and I can't even seem to conjure one up. This is a scary transformation. I have been scaoring my mind and nothing seems to be left. So I wonder about my creativity. Where is it? And what will I do? I have always been the one to come up with ideas and games and plans and stories. My ego is also a bit attached here.

Jan gave me another take on this situation. He said that maybe I am living more in the here and now, and creating some magic out of what is in front of me.

Oh, I hope this is growth and a new productive phase of my life.

I just thought of all the change that I want to see in Julia, and then how scary this change is to me. I could laugh at myself! How does Julia know that the changes that she is going through are good ones? And shouldn't she be just as scared as I am?

Julia is having a rather rough morning. She is giving her therapist lots of back talk and resistance. She has had two time outs which are very rare these days, but she is also asking to be brushed (soft plastic brush firmly moved along her back, arms and legs) and also to be squished (Julia lays between two pillows when she is on her tummy, and pressure is applied to her back). These are two regulation type exercises, so it might make sense that she is asking for it on a day that she is having a hard time with her moods.