Spicy Dragons & Dinosaurs

Tough day today and my girl has been pretty good sensing that Mommy is exhausted and serious. I am so grateful for this. She does mess up a house quicker than I can shower, can wash a few dishes, can run upstairs for a hair band, but then she is nine years old.

Yesterday, David didn't feel well -- he hadn't felt well for a number of days, but his symptoms were fatigue and a head ache. Neither of us thought that the symptoms amounted to much. David called his transplant coordinator on Saturday morning and she told him that they would see him on Monday. So, it might not have just been us that missed our cues.

We did a little shopping and when we came home, David was exhausted. We watched a kid's movie and David napped, but as evening approached, it seemed all he could do. His stomach was bloated and tight, and he didn't want lunch or dinner. I entertained Julia, made her some supper, and again, we watched tv with David. I put her to bed, and after she was asleep, I went to walk the dog. When I came home, David up still upstairs in Cheshire's room laying on the bed, or so I thought and I turned on the tv to relax a bit.

I heard David call and found him on the floor in the bathroom where he has gone to throw up (very unlike David) and had fallen over. I told him I was going to call 911, and in the best statement of the day, he said, "Do you think you should?" I laughed, assured him that I should, and made the call. It is not easy when you are a basically healthy person to give into needing help. That runs deep. Was David asking, Is this serious enough? Is this when I really need that much help?

There was something very clear for me about what happened. I knew I should not move him. I knew we needed help. I was able to made the call in a relatively calm manner. Later, I reflected that although I have often wondered if I could manage a crisis, if I could respond to emergency, I now am sure that I can. This thought, late last night, made me feel safer somehow. I had also been thinking about living in the moment as I walked the dog -- it is something I felt so strongly during the transplant days and have been losing as life had resumed a more normal flow. I know it has benefit -- I was open inside to something that spread out from the core of me. As of yesterday, I had fasted for 3 days and was thinking that I would try another day or two before we travelled. I have not fasted since Julia came home -- I need real selfish time for a fast. I was in the right place and could do it. And could also break it with juice and then some protein after David was taken in for his procedure. Fasting cannot survive, at least for me, with stress.

If anyone is reading this, please forgive the self-indulgent mapping of my feelings. I need this space tonight to dump my experience.

Are there good 911 services and not so good ones? Madison has a great one. We also live very close to a firehouse and in a very short time, the ambulance and a big fire truck pulled up to the house. Just in case anyone wanted to know if anything was going on, lights were flashing and sirens were blaring. Five big guys came in with paramedic stuff and went about their rescue. I called the hospital and the transplant coordinator. It was short of chaos but there was a strong vortex ever pulling.

David never passed out -- at least from when I found him -- and he was able to answer questions. The guys secured him to a chair-stretcher and got him out of the house. This house never feels smaller than when a bunch of big guys walk around it. Three guys and David in the bathroom is almost a record.

My wonderful neighbor, Maria, answered my call for help. She came over and stayed the night with Julia. Now, Julia slept through the sirens and flashing lights, the five paramedics in the hall and bathroom, doors being opened and closed, and a plethora of noises. This is the same kid who will wake up if I sneak out of bed and the stairs creek. I don't know what it is with her, but it is as if there is sense of protection, of linked purpose, and maybe of trust. Throughout the transplant process, she has instinctively reacted in very helpful ways for days and weeks on end. We do pay for this later it seems, but I can take the days when fear takes over which has been happening when all is calm again.

Later in the night, there was a thunder storm and Julia did wake up for that and finding that no one was in the bed with her, she made her way down stairs and stayed up for quite a while -- two kid movies worth before Marie told her to get to bed. The blessing in this was that when I got home around 7 in the morning, Julia was still sleeping and slept for two more hours before she was ready to start her day.

David went by ambulance to the hospital and I followed by car. It was a bit after 11 by that time and I was both pumping adenalin and exhausted. I was taken to his ER space and then the waiting began. David's pain kept increasing and the docs were reluctant to give him any pain meds because his blood pressure was dipping and his list of meds made it hard to prescribe without talking to his doc. Cardiac docs were called, x-rays were taken, surgeons were called, more x-rays were taken. Blood work, eeg, and something else was done. Still, more pain and no answers. And I have to say how lucky we were to be home when this happened. I don't mean that Madison is the only place with good medical care, but there they could call up his file and quickly talk to every doc they needed to. Right this minute, I wonder if we can ever travel again?

The consenus was that David's gall bladder was very large and something had to be done. Surgery was first suggested but later it was decided to put a drainage tube in the bladder to reduce swelling and pain. The docs will reassess in the next few days.

It was sometime around 2 when they brought David from the ER to the Cardiac ICU. I was put in a waiting room as the nurses made him comfortable, attached him to numerous IV meds, and got him ready for the drainage procedure. One of the nurses made sure I had a pillow and blankets for the couch in the waiting room. I didn't expect to sleep on that couch but as I waited during the procedure, I slept.

David came back to his room, sedated and with a breathing tube down his throat. They left the breathing tube in today. Hopefully, they will take it out tomorrow if he becomes more stable. It is a waiting game right now. Cultured blood takes days. The docs are waiting to see how David responds to the antibiotics and whether the draining of the gall bladder relieves pain and aides in healing the bladder, or at least shrinks the bladder enough so the docs can take it out.

Today, David didn't look any better than he had right after the procedure. His numbers do look good, and they have been able to cut some of his blood pressure meds. Oh, I hope that tomorrow we see change.