It has been an interesting week. We had absolutely no therapy scheduled for this week (our speech therapist retired and our OT has no time) and David traveled with the court for three days. Julia did miss Daddy, one morning she woke up and asked, "Where is my good friend Daddy?"
At school Julia is still hitting -- grown ups and mostly those that she doesn't know well, not that this is a reason or excuse. We finally, finaly start our family therapy next week. I hope that the therapist can help us with this. I believe it is due to fear and control issues but I have no idea of how to more forward.
I bought some halloween lights -- bats -- and Julia and I put them up, as well as our scarecrow and cat from last year. Julia just loved it. She couldn't wait for the dark to turn on the lights. We remembered that she would go out for candy on halloween night although she has not really picked out what she wants to be yet.
We are having some remembering going on. The other night when I was putting Julia to bed she told me she was sad (and I think scared) that she lost her blue flip-flop. I had to remember myself what she was talking about. During out vacationing when we were at Lisa's house, Julia did indeed lose one of her blue flip flops when she and Sarah were tubing. At the time, Julia did not seem to register her loss and I was surprised because she liked those shoes a lot. Interesting that it comes out now.
More deepening of concentration as well. I see this in Julia's home work and even in her playing. Somewhere between the two -- the other night she and I put together a puzzle and she stayed very focused for a long time even though it was quite frustrating for both of us at times. We were working on it together and a number of times she bent over where I was to place pieces to help me or place her own pieces.
Thursday afternoon we had another violin lesson. It went better than the last one, still not perfect but getting better. I brought Julia home right after school and we did a schedule for the hour -- playing, writing, snack, cleaning up, and then violin. The schedule does center her and gt her ready to concentrate. And she did. She even remembered some things from last week. Lindsey gave her the "cigar box" violin that Suzuki kids start with and Julia was very proud of learning to hold it correctly. We are going to practice rest position and playing position. I continue to hold my breath about violin. It was so good for Cheshire, I would like it to be good for Julia. No, that is not set in stone, but I do hope it will work.
Julia is also touching my arm when she talks to me, a sweet gesture and one that feels very authentic to her. Her anger as it is directed towards me has diminished some and she is more loving. She is also spontaneously telling me that she loves me, not often, but sometimes.
Showing posts with label trauma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trauma. Show all posts
09 October 2008
04 October 2008
Swimming & Julia's view of life
Swimming lesson writing: I have been talking to the PTB at the Y and they are arranging for an aide to with Julia during her lessons. Her present teacher, Linda who is a spec ed teacher in her non-aquatic life, is also going to give Julia private lessons in addition to group lessons. My goal continues to be two-fold, that is, to have Julia learn how to swim, or how to do the stokes necessary for her to become a better swimming, and to teach her to learn within a group and participate in a group.
SO, towards those ends, I offered Julia two stickers if she (1) listened to Linda today, and (2) did what Linda asked. Julia is now at the point where I can tell her what I expect and then ask her what she is supposed to be doing and have her repeat, with help, what I told her to do. (Just this is an accomplishment considering that this kind of instruction, question, response was impossible last year at this time). She was primed and ready BUT Linda is not at lesson today! LOL. Best laid plans, and I hear the gods laughing.
In any event, there is a substitute, Loren, and only three kids in class today. Julia is trying right now to listen and keep herself controlled enough to do what she has been asked.
I need to be able to communicate with Julia over a long distance – I wonder if we should be learning some signs so that I can remind her to listen or to do as she is told. Can I get her to look at me when she feels herself loosing control? Is she that cognizant of how she is doing? Can I help her to be?
At home, Julia is asking me a lot of the time if I am angry or mad at her. She is more and more aware of my moods whenever I veer from center in the slightest. I can be stern, grumpy, direct, etc. – I find it hard to quantify my moment-to-moment emotional landscape. I search for words to answer her questions and wonder how many of them she understands. If it is necessary for her to quantify emotions in order to learn them, then I have to both understand myself and figure out what will translate to her.
I continue to read about trauma – two books, one a tome – and Julia’s behavior when she automatically greets every direction with a "no" and her hitting seems to fit that of kids who have suffered trauma. Not surprising at all. Now, can we heal her? She needs compliance and willingness to learn.
Thank goodness, she is so cute.
Julia brought home a paper the other day – an assignment regarding families. Families have been the ongoing theme for awhile. On the page was two drawing spaces – one for when Julia was a baby and one for now. Christy told me that she worked with Julia on this just to make sure that it was not too much for Julia or that it did not go into scary or bad places. On the baby side, Julia drew a baby crying in a crib on wheels. There was a big person in the picture as well but the person was not near the crib. Julia told Christy that when she was a baby, she was crying. Christy asked her if there were times that she did not cry or other things to put in the picture. Julia told her, no. baby Julia cried all the time. Christy, possibly not knowing how to respond and wanting to acknowledge in some positive way what she was told, said to Julia that sometimes, babies have a hard time and that life gets better when they get older.
The other side of the paper was crowded with people and things. Julia drew a happy pictures of herself, she drew her classmate Clare and Clare’s mom, she drew lots of toy – little pets of course. She told Christy that she is happy, that she has a friend in Clare, and that she loves her toys.
SO, towards those ends, I offered Julia two stickers if she (1) listened to Linda today, and (2) did what Linda asked. Julia is now at the point where I can tell her what I expect and then ask her what she is supposed to be doing and have her repeat, with help, what I told her to do. (Just this is an accomplishment considering that this kind of instruction, question, response was impossible last year at this time). She was primed and ready BUT Linda is not at lesson today! LOL. Best laid plans, and I hear the gods laughing.
In any event, there is a substitute, Loren, and only three kids in class today. Julia is trying right now to listen and keep herself controlled enough to do what she has been asked.
I need to be able to communicate with Julia over a long distance – I wonder if we should be learning some signs so that I can remind her to listen or to do as she is told. Can I get her to look at me when she feels herself loosing control? Is she that cognizant of how she is doing? Can I help her to be?
At home, Julia is asking me a lot of the time if I am angry or mad at her. She is more and more aware of my moods whenever I veer from center in the slightest. I can be stern, grumpy, direct, etc. – I find it hard to quantify my moment-to-moment emotional landscape. I search for words to answer her questions and wonder how many of them she understands. If it is necessary for her to quantify emotions in order to learn them, then I have to both understand myself and figure out what will translate to her.
I continue to read about trauma – two books, one a tome – and Julia’s behavior when she automatically greets every direction with a "no" and her hitting seems to fit that of kids who have suffered trauma. Not surprising at all. Now, can we heal her? She needs compliance and willingness to learn.
Thank goodness, she is so cute.
Julia brought home a paper the other day – an assignment regarding families. Families have been the ongoing theme for awhile. On the page was two drawing spaces – one for when Julia was a baby and one for now. Christy told me that she worked with Julia on this just to make sure that it was not too much for Julia or that it did not go into scary or bad places. On the baby side, Julia drew a baby crying in a crib on wheels. There was a big person in the picture as well but the person was not near the crib. Julia told Christy that when she was a baby, she was crying. Christy asked her if there were times that she did not cry or other things to put in the picture. Julia told her, no. baby Julia cried all the time. Christy, possibly not knowing how to respond and wanting to acknowledge in some positive way what she was told, said to Julia that sometimes, babies have a hard time and that life gets better when they get older.
The other side of the paper was crowded with people and things. Julia drew a happy pictures of herself, she drew her classmate Clare and Clare’s mom, she drew lots of toy – little pets of course. She told Christy that she is happy, that she has a friend in Clare, and that she loves her toys.
27 September 2008
Saturday in Madison
Back at swimming class. Julia missed last week because we were camping and the break seems to have been good for her. She was enthusiastic this morning about coming to the Y. The fact that we can no longer go swimming outside helps. She has given up serious asking to go to our community pool.
Julia is listening to a CD right now which is supposed to be stronger therapeutically than the two she has listened to before this. I am waiting for some reaction. To be so poised and wonder what will happen.
Today in the car, I called Cheshire. Because of the call, Julia had to wait until I was done to have music turned on. She waited without whining and when I was finished, she asked for music. Her appropriateness surprised me.
Is Julia actually trying to do the overhand stroke while holding on to a floating barbell?
Ummm, I did not post pictures of the camping trip because I didn’t take any. I packed the camera but I decided early on that I was not going to burden myself with one more thing. I had enough going on without the camera. Not that it was tough with Julia – she was cooperative and listened well. It was an adventure from start to finish but not an incredible challenge. Julia is beginning to rise to the occasion from time to time. And I did enjoy the living rather than recording of her and us. Now, of course, I’d love a picture of her next to the tent and roasting marshmallows, but I am sure I will get one sooner or later.
Later: Today is just beautifully quiet and perfect. Now, that we are officially into Fall, Madison weather is late summer-like. The early turning leaves are golden and red but the breeze is warm, the sun is shining softly through the clouds. Perfection. Our neighbors catty corner are having an Obama fund raiser on their lawn. We went over for a little while but Julia wanted to come home because the neighbors were drumming and it was too loud for her. And so, I sit on the porch and she listens from across the street and watches her bees.
Julia is more compliant than usual today. She takes a hand when she needs to, she closes the bathroom door when she leaves while I am in the shower, she lets David wipe her mouth after lunch without pulling away.
Julia is hitting in school. This hitting is what I have been having trouble with all summer – sometimes it is not hitting but threats of hitting. She can get angry quickly and strikes out. She is repentant afterwards, but doesn’t seem to be able to do anything about it before she does it. She also doesn’t have the words for "why" she is doing what she is doing. Why is she angry? I know that she had stored a lot of anger inside of her. What can we do about it? This is what I wanted to work with the family therapist about, and this is what we are waiting to work on. Patience is wearing thin.
Julia is listening to a CD right now which is supposed to be stronger therapeutically than the two she has listened to before this. I am waiting for some reaction. To be so poised and wonder what will happen.
Today in the car, I called Cheshire. Because of the call, Julia had to wait until I was done to have music turned on. She waited without whining and when I was finished, she asked for music. Her appropriateness surprised me.
Is Julia actually trying to do the overhand stroke while holding on to a floating barbell?
Ummm, I did not post pictures of the camping trip because I didn’t take any. I packed the camera but I decided early on that I was not going to burden myself with one more thing. I had enough going on without the camera. Not that it was tough with Julia – she was cooperative and listened well. It was an adventure from start to finish but not an incredible challenge. Julia is beginning to rise to the occasion from time to time. And I did enjoy the living rather than recording of her and us. Now, of course, I’d love a picture of her next to the tent and roasting marshmallows, but I am sure I will get one sooner or later.
Later: Today is just beautifully quiet and perfect. Now, that we are officially into Fall, Madison weather is late summer-like. The early turning leaves are golden and red but the breeze is warm, the sun is shining softly through the clouds. Perfection. Our neighbors catty corner are having an Obama fund raiser on their lawn. We went over for a little while but Julia wanted to come home because the neighbors were drumming and it was too loud for her. And so, I sit on the porch and she listens from across the street and watches her bees.
Julia is more compliant than usual today. She takes a hand when she needs to, she closes the bathroom door when she leaves while I am in the shower, she lets David wipe her mouth after lunch without pulling away.
Julia is hitting in school. This hitting is what I have been having trouble with all summer – sometimes it is not hitting but threats of hitting. She can get angry quickly and strikes out. She is repentant afterwards, but doesn’t seem to be able to do anything about it before she does it. She also doesn’t have the words for "why" she is doing what she is doing. Why is she angry? I know that she had stored a lot of anger inside of her. What can we do about it? This is what I wanted to work with the family therapist about, and this is what we are waiting to work on. Patience is wearing thin.
17 July 2008
Yin & Yang
Today, we have the light stuff and the heavy stuff. I'll start light.
Yesterday was Julia's half year birthday. I smile as I remember that one year I let my birthday pass without mention and some of my friends celebrated my half birthday -- so very sweet. Julia just started understanding birthday - as in, the day you are born -- about two months ago after the last class birthday party of the school year. We have been talking about her half birthday and even though I doubt whether she understood the concept of half, we decided to go for it.
After OT yesterday, we went to Whole Foods and picked out a much too expensive carrot cake (kid has good taste). When we got home, I worked on her alphabet work with her and she earned her last two of ten stickers to get her newest two LPS pets -- two little kittens. Then she took an aveno bath (still with the rash, though better, and lots of bites), as I put finishing touches on her favorite supper food -- bok choi with Udon noodles. We had supper and settled down to a movie, stopped part of the way through and had our cake, complete with candles and singing, and we gave her a present -- the LPS fun house.
She was beside herself with joy. She thanked us many times, including the last thing before she went to sleep and first thing on waking up. Gifts are still an incredible unexpected surprise to her and they make her very happy. "I girl happy!" she tells us.
Julia had a hard time getting to sleep last night and did not really bed down unitl almost 10:30. By that time I had been dozing and waking, and was not ready for bed myself. I stayed up and watched a great tv program about searching for Atlantis and looking for it in Bolivia at a site called Tewanaku, which is the ruins of an ancient Andean civilization. There are over 3000 ancient civilization sites in S. America most of which have not been explored and no one knows much at all about the civilizations. By the time the Europeans came over, these civilizations were long dead and the explorers/invaders had no interest in what the people remembered of them. And so, even the stories about the civilizations disappeared. I can't help but think of our European-American modern civilization without the stories of Egypt, Greece, and Rome. What if . . . what if.
Well, good transition into the heavier stuff.
I have been feeling the tug to do attachment work with Julia. Why? Well, probably because I read too much. No, more likely, I read online and books just enough. I know that Julia's behavior still baffles people who should know kids on the spectrum, and although everyone says tht all kids with autism are different, the bafflement of Julia's teachers and therapists have nudged me on. Coupled with that, I think I have an internal timetable that is dictating something about our two year anniversary as a family of 4. I joined the yahoo group for attachment/china adoptions and have almost finished reading the Connected Child. I was further drawn in by the warning, from an expert, that the intensive autism therapy which is behaviorally based (and for which we are on a long que to be offered) is not good for kids with attachment disorders, so it is important that in the next 18 months or so, I tease out the threads of attachment issues or at least investigate them before we get into the 20-30 hour/week commitment of autism therapy.
So, now I read about attachment and trauma, and can see how Julia's behavior could be described as the result of those experiences. I hope that our new therapist -- family shrink -- is sufficiently expert enough to help me on this journey.
What a puzzle, this child.
Yesterday was Julia's half year birthday. I smile as I remember that one year I let my birthday pass without mention and some of my friends celebrated my half birthday -- so very sweet. Julia just started understanding birthday - as in, the day you are born -- about two months ago after the last class birthday party of the school year. We have been talking about her half birthday and even though I doubt whether she understood the concept of half, we decided to go for it.
After OT yesterday, we went to Whole Foods and picked out a much too expensive carrot cake (kid has good taste). When we got home, I worked on her alphabet work with her and she earned her last two of ten stickers to get her newest two LPS pets -- two little kittens. Then she took an aveno bath (still with the rash, though better, and lots of bites), as I put finishing touches on her favorite supper food -- bok choi with Udon noodles. We had supper and settled down to a movie, stopped part of the way through and had our cake, complete with candles and singing, and we gave her a present -- the LPS fun house.
She was beside herself with joy. She thanked us many times, including the last thing before she went to sleep and first thing on waking up. Gifts are still an incredible unexpected surprise to her and they make her very happy. "I girl happy!" she tells us.
Julia had a hard time getting to sleep last night and did not really bed down unitl almost 10:30. By that time I had been dozing and waking, and was not ready for bed myself. I stayed up and watched a great tv program about searching for Atlantis and looking for it in Bolivia at a site called Tewanaku, which is the ruins of an ancient Andean civilization. There are over 3000 ancient civilization sites in S. America most of which have not been explored and no one knows much at all about the civilizations. By the time the Europeans came over, these civilizations were long dead and the explorers/invaders had no interest in what the people remembered of them. And so, even the stories about the civilizations disappeared. I can't help but think of our European-American modern civilization without the stories of Egypt, Greece, and Rome. What if . . . what if.
Well, good transition into the heavier stuff.
I have been feeling the tug to do attachment work with Julia. Why? Well, probably because I read too much. No, more likely, I read online and books just enough. I know that Julia's behavior still baffles people who should know kids on the spectrum, and although everyone says tht all kids with autism are different, the bafflement of Julia's teachers and therapists have nudged me on. Coupled with that, I think I have an internal timetable that is dictating something about our two year anniversary as a family of 4. I joined the yahoo group for attachment/china adoptions and have almost finished reading the Connected Child. I was further drawn in by the warning, from an expert, that the intensive autism therapy which is behaviorally based (and for which we are on a long que to be offered) is not good for kids with attachment disorders, so it is important that in the next 18 months or so, I tease out the threads of attachment issues or at least investigate them before we get into the 20-30 hour/week commitment of autism therapy.
So, now I read about attachment and trauma, and can see how Julia's behavior could be described as the result of those experiences. I hope that our new therapist -- family shrink -- is sufficiently expert enough to help me on this journey.
What a puzzle, this child.
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