The storms have blown in with thunder and lightening -- loud noises that Julia hates. So, so, so many times, Julia had been so scared that she could not move and was able only to scream and hang on to one of us. Today, she whined some but agreed to put on earplugs and her hat to keep the noise out. She is able to function with her therapists and only needs to ask about how scared we are. So, taking one extreme to the other, we have seen great change, but like so much that has changed and is changing, it is at a snails pace. Long, hard work, with incremental changes that are almost impossible to appreciate from day to day. We do appreciate, and I am learning to appreciate.
Healing and transformation take the time it needs to take.
During the past week, some her Julia's therapist and I can talk to her when her "engine" begins to get too fast, when her mood begins to escalate, when she gets angry and she has the possibility of tantruming or melting down. We are talking to her about what she can do to calm herself down. She doesn't necessarily want to get calm when she escalates, but she is listening. I have gotten her to jump on her trampoline and hit her punching dummy when she is angry. The physical action brings her down and once or twice she has even appreciated that she could do this. We have a long, long way to go before she can control her anger but we are creeping along the road.
At Marilyn's yesterday, Julia was talking about loud noises, and Marilyn took the opportunity to ask Julia if we had loud noises at home, and then if Julia had ever lived somewhere with loud noises. Julia answered that it was quiet at home, but that she had lived somewhere that was noisy. Marilyn asked if it was in China, and Julia, very clearly, told her that she did not want to talk about China with Marilyn. Marilyn replied that she would stop today but that she would be talking about it again.
I don't necessarily think Julia will be willing to talk soon, but I do believe that she is starting to take in that she is going to have to talk about her early life. I hope that we can move to an understanding that even though the talking and experiencing will be painful, the pain will not last forever and life will be better with my girl's heavy baggage unpacked.
Weather is a bit severe -- we are under a tornado watch for a number of hours.