What I am wondering about is whether I am ready to face myself for a year? Could I, without distraction, clean out my inners and outers? Can I renovate my house, get rid of old furniture, clean out boxes and boxes of books that have not seen the light of day since David and I moved to Madison 3+ years ago, and do that outer cleaning that i don't even know about yet? Can I bear such an intense time?
Then again, ideas to throw myself into seem to be littering the street. Do I pick up a few and not concern myself with the scrubbing? Last week's cleaning of my own closet pushed me over the edge emotionally. Not bad, at all, but intense. Could I do that day after day without the distraction of interpersonal interaction? Could I do that and continue to maintain and build my community?
I don't want to get stuck, and I feel like I have such a potential for that. I could take a year for "cleaning" and get nothing done, or I could continue as I am and still be looking at the clutter that I need to clear next year.
And of course, this does not have to be an either/or decision. But it does need to be a directed decision -- a projected leaning. Even moderation takes intention.
And no comments about "waiting." Official announcement: I've stopped waiting.