Julia was having some transitioning anxiety when she arrived home. Her answers were all no's and she wanted to be alone. I had plans! I took her onto my lap and instead of resisting or complaining, she melted into my lap, curling up her legs and getting very comfortable. In this position, we talked and fooled around. We did some tapping about her angries and fears. By the time we had been sitting for 20 minutes or so, she was ready to do the three things I had planned -- snack, clean up, and play with our Wii.
We had a sit down snack -- celery, oranges, and dinosaur milk for the girl, and something for me. I took out everything that Julia had in her backpack and we talked about pictures she drew and the books she took out of the library. She took out a drawing book of faces and monsters, a bit of a change from dinosaurs. She showed me a picture of a face that she drew and told me she wasn't very good at it. Well, it wasn't a perfect copy of the page, but I probably couldn't do as well if I worked all day! She need to learn about patience and practice -- oh those life long lessons. It is exciting to think that she is thinking of drawing humans -- she is losing a few scales, maybe the tail will go soon and she will stop being Julia Dinosaur.
But not too quickly.
Then we cleaned -- Julia has been incredibly inquisitive lately. She is pulling books from the book shelves, moving chairs and plastic bins to stand and reach higher than she is able alone, and pencils, pens, crayons, markets everywhere. So we went to each bookcase and straightened them, we gathered everything she had pulled down last night -- office supplies and paper mostly -- to get a hold of some new art supplies that I had put up for special times, and she gathered up all the clay that was spread around the living room. I showed her how to put books back and how to stack paper. She knows how to gather clay. Then I vacuumed and she helped me move the cord around and wind up the cord when I was finished.
And she was happy to have done it with me. We chatted the whole time -- mostly about dinosaurs and drawing and paper and books. One sweet thing: She opened one of David's books and saw his picture. "Does Daddy make books?" Yes, Julia he did.
Then we played with our Wii, the new fitness program and pad to stand on. I had connected it and tried it out before she came home so I was ready to show her how to register her Mii and then how to start playing. We took turns playing some of the balance games and a few of the aerobic games. It is funny that these are the fitness games. These are closer to the kind of games that I thought would be useful for Julia, and I wanted to fitness stuff for myself.
Later, walking the dog while Julia changed into pjs, I did a self check. I still feel good. I still feel like I am no longer carrying the burden of grief. I no longer feel that I am missing my arm or a major organ. I am whole, more whole and singular that I have been for years, maybe ever. And I am so thankful for this new found wholeness. I am still putting one foot in front of the other but it is heel-toe walking not a shuffle.
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