06 January 2011

It is just 8 and I have almost finished a cup of coffee and have scarfed down a piece of Steve's home made bread. Steve is an old friend who I saw for the first time in more than 20 years during my NYC jaunt. He is a writer, working on a long piece right now. He caught me/ us really, up on 20 years of his life. Busy -- I missed a whole two careers of his as he missed one of mine -- but he is the kind of old friends who can slip almost seamlessly into your life again. I like having him back in my life, and I really like that he bakes such great bread!

I am entertaining tonight -- my team from LEND -- a group of marvelous women who I have had the pleasure to getting to know. Tonight is not work, not assignments or projects. Tonight is for fun. This too -- new friends this time -- is a gift that I am ready to take advantage of. Oh, ending sentences with prepositions -- whose teeth are set on edge?

Yes, my selfness, my singleness, and my good fortune at having both for another day are still in gear. Yesterday, cleaning out email, I came upon many, many emails about David. And later did a google search for his name and read a number of very sweet and kind remembrances of him written by people who knew him on the courts, during his Toll Fellowship days, and with the Forward Theater. Notes and articles that I not have looked at even a short time ago. They made me sad, and I cried again. I looked at the pictures and missed him over again. My mother-in-law regularly complains that she has lived for 95 years and what a burden it is. Would that David and I could have had the burden. However do you explain that "burden" of life together to someone who has no appreciation?

But the sadness of all that looking and reading and considering did not send me into a total tail spin. I did not sleep well last night, but I am ready to cook for my friends tonight. That is progress. I have hope.

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