09 January 2011

Today went by too quickly. We were busy -- I talked to a contractor about my renovation plans while Julia colored and traced pictures. A therapist came over and Julia did a few hours with her. Then, we headed out to a MFCC meeting -- Madison Families with Chinese Children. We had attended a few of their functions a few years ago. We usually hung out with my friend Cathy and her girls and another family we met through Cathy, but I didn't feel particularly welcomed at thee events and didn't really see an inroad to getting to know more people. Added to that Julia was not particularly pleased to be around so many Chinese people, even if they were mostly kids, and I didn't feel like Julia, with her evident challenges was particularly welcomed.

Then, a few weeks ago, I filled out a survey from the MFCC, and got an email in response, followed by a phone call. Joan, who is heading the group right now, challenged me to be part of the change that was taking place. And so, I took her up on it. I volunteered to host a club activity -- a support/play/social group for families with sn kids, and also to work on resources and activities for families in waiting and families just home. I had to refrain from volunteering for anything else, and to keep my interests concentrated.

Julia played with two girls during the meeting. The girls were 9 and 10, and at least 3 or 4 years more mature than Julia. Still, they seemed to be kind to her. I think there was a lot of parallel play on Julia's part, but it was a good think for her. She told me she enjoyed it and tonight she is quite tired.

At bedtime, we read Julia's life book. Sometimes when we read it, Julia says nothing. Tonight, she had plenty to say. She told me that she never slept in the blue bunk beds that I have a picture of (from another family who was able to visit the orphanage). She told my how loud it was when the babies cried. She always, always, points to Abby's picture as a picture of herself when we look at one of the pictures of the both of them in the orphanage. She told me that a lady took the pictures with the camera we sent to China before we met Julia. She said the lady pinched her cheeks and pulled her ears. And that she was scared of that lady because the lady always hurt her. She told me that she ran away from the lady and yelled and hollered. None of the last bit is in any way surprising. She cried a little and said she would never let that lady in our house. She told me that she was little then, a baby, and didn't know better. (This is something we say about the cat all the time when he misbehaves.)

Julia was fascinated by the fact that a man found her in a box. I have read that every time we read the book, but this is the first time, she noticed it. She wanted to know how big the box was, wanted to know who brought the box to her finding place, and who wrote the note that we have a copy of.

She told me of peeing in her pants on her way to meet us (something she has said before). She told me that she had tripped and falling in the big room where we met her and that she was very scared that day.

Julia also said that she was not going back to "her" China. When I asked her about the Great Wall, she wanted to see that.

Some of great wall of resistance and self-protection and hurt is shifting. I think we will be able to go back to China. I hope that Julia can claim more of China as hers than the pink walls of that awful place she lived for five years.

4 comments:

Alison said...

Hi Suzanne. You certainly have been busy this past week. You are not only healing so well (of course you will never forget David) but you are really getting on with your life.
I have to say I was very unsure about the idea of you adopting yet another child from China, and then when you wrote about this particula little girl I realised how wonderful it would be for you, Julia and Cheshire to share your life with yet another deprived child.
So I am praying my usual prayer for you, which is that the outcome be for the highest good of all concerned. I really hope you are able to adopt her. You have such love to share.

Marianne said...

Hi again Suzanne. That last post was from Marianne but google still seems to think it is my daughter Alison's account and I can't change this. Grrrrr Technology!!!

Suz said...

Hi Marianne,

I was reading the comment from Alison and all I could think of was you. LOL! Thank you for your prayers. It is the best one -- highest good is what I want. My chances of adopting this lovely child are slim to none, but reading her file, I knew that she was right for our family. I am letting the Universe take over now. If it is to be, I will be approved. I am at a very new peaceful feeling about this -- letting go of control. Maybe I have been practicing just enough of it.

Love to you.

Snickerdoodle said...

Wow, Julia surely did have lots to say about her book!! Good for her for processing more and more of it. In a way you are very fortunate that she remembers so much and can tell you what was what.

Most of us have no idea what went on at the swi's. ??

Best,
Snick :)