"By far, however, the most emotional moment of my time in China came one night when I was able to meet with a group of older orphaned teens I had watched grow up over a five year period. Every time I would visit their orphanage, I would enjoy getting to know them more. They all seemed so close, such good friends, and they always had smiles for me when I arrived. That night, however, was a night when the kids finally let their guard down. It was a night of real conversation and sharing what it means to grow up as an orphan. Toward the end of the evening we were all in tears. Afterwards, one of the older boys stayed to talk with me privately . . . . [H]e told me that growing up without a mother or father “hurts more than death.” Children aren’t supposed to raise themselves. They are not supposed to grow up alone, which I know sounds impossible when you are growing up in a crowded orphanage." (http://www.lwbcommunity.org/on-my-own)
Then, I wrote:
“Hurts more than death.” I know what death hurts like, more than that, I have no idea. Of course, you know I think of one girl, but I hurt for all those others too. My heart cracks wide open. Would that those words touch so many more.
Then, I listened to Stevie Nicks' Landslide:
I've been scared of changing because I built my life around you . . .
And now, I can't stop crying.