14 January 2011

I struggle with what to write about first today knowing that sometimes a single topic will take off and I will not get to the others. So, being a good law student (moot court et al.), I will do a road map.

1. I ask Julia about adoption
2. Julia's birthday plans
3. Steve's bread
4. Project thoughts and presentations

Yesterday, I was feeling the thud of waiting for an adoption decision. I have been meditating MORE and it helps but waiting is just not my strong suit. I go between distracting myself by doing other things (and this is good for my research work) and doing something towards the adoption (which I am aware could be a complete waste of my time). But the waiting and dealing with it is that extra awareness in my consciousness that pushes lots of buttons and casts a theatrical gel over the light of my day.

In light of that, last night, I asked Julia directly about adoption. I asked her if she wanted a sister. It was bed time and we were snuggling into my bed. She first asked if Cheshire was coming home to stay, and she asked in a very excited way. This is good. Julia has had some lingering anxiousness about Cheshire. I am not sure whether it was sibling rivalry for my attention or some fear or something else. She was much more open to Cheshire our last visit over Christmas and this response seemed to reinforce that feeling.

I told her, no, unfortunately for us (not for Cheshire), Brooklyn is her home right now.

I asked, about "another sister." One who was closer to her own age. Julia got excited and asked if we could adopt MiaoMiao -- using her orphanage sister's Chinese nickname instead of her American name, Abby, which Julia usually uses. I told her we couldn't do that because Abby already had parents, but I marveled at my girl's immediate reaction to give this dear friend a home, her home. I was not sure of this reaction. For a long time, I assumed that Julia would not want to share her home with any other child. She understands my attention and she loves it. She demands it. It would be understandable for her to be selfish about me, but not for her MiaoMiao.

Gotta' love that kid.

Then I asked her about Xiang, the child I would like to adopt. Julia has seen Xiang's picture on my computer and had commented that she looked like a nice girl. Julia thought a moment and then said, in a very clear way, "That would be fine." I asked if she would share her room, and Julia immediately said, "No." I think I flinched. Julia said quickly, "She would share your bed with me." Julia was very proud of herself for using "your" and "me" which are still pretty elusive words for her.

Umm, that was not my plan. LOL! Three in this lovely king sized bed? My plan would be to get those girls in their own beds and room. Not surprising, however, that Julia has her own plans.

I have no idea whether I will be able to adopt this child, but I am pleased that Julia is developing a bigger heart. She will make such a JieJie, big sister, when we start our transition house in China. I just wonder if she will expect all of the girls we take into our Ready, Set, Go House to sleep in my bed.

As I thought I did not get through my road map, but I am figgity to be more active. Maybe later.

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