Good stuff

* IDS, our intensive autism therapy providers, will start Julia's therapy on July 1 so that we can fit in a trip to Jersey right after the close of school. They told me to call if I needed more time.

* We may be able to take a week's vacation from the therapy if we make it up during that calendar month.

*Julia wanted to walk to school today.

* Thursday is bathroom renovation day. It will be a busy week after that but then our bathroom will be soooo much nicer.

* Our last playgroup is this Wednesday. I am say/relieved to have it over for this semester. But as soon as it is through, I can start building a curiculum for Julia for this summer. I want to include all the things I want to do with her, including some field trips and of course, swimming. Considering that once we get back to Madison, we will be doing 4-5 hours a day of therapy, it will be a challenge fitting in learning. I am thinking that it means lots of hands on stuff with reading and writing on the side.

* The result of Julia's receptive language testing is 5 years and 4 months which is great considering that last year sometime she was testing at about 3 and a half.

* To a child how has been hungry and who has owned little in her life for a long time, the story of the three bears is strange for a fairy tale. No happy ending because the little bear's chair remains broken and his porridge eaten. Julia's verdict: Gooldy Locks has very bad behavior. Long time out!

* My singing hurts her ears.

* Julia went to OT and speech therapy at 11 and noon today. I picked her up from school and collected her lunch box. I offered it to her in the car but she had just had snack in class. Midway through speech therapy, Julia became really angry. She refused to follow direction and started calling names. I braced myself for a tantrum. Thinking about food, I asked her if she was hungry and she said she was. I brought in her lunch box, she ate her rice dish like a starving person and then was absolutely fine. So there is a trigger for you!

I read The monster inside my son, on Salon.com today. Is this the fear, the dread, the worst case scenerio of every parent with an autistic child? I know a child right now whose family is trying to figure out what to do about his aggression. The article describes a sweet, dreamy child who grows up to not be able to live in the world, who grows up to harm his mother and scare his siblings. I could check the stats on this one -- what percentage of autistic kids grow up so violent that they must life in institutions, but what good are any percentages that would say 10%, 20%, etc., if you child is the one, then the chance was 100%.

I can be very reasonable, and I can also hope and pray real hard. There but for the grace of god . . . Let's just hope for that grace.

Both David and I have notice Julia looking at us, trying to get us to look at her, and just smiling. It is silly, it is very young. Sometimes she talks about falling in love, and I wonder if she is falling in love with being with us.

We worked together today on homework. She hasn't wanted to do it for a few days and I have not pushed it. I want to work regularly but I also want to her to want to do the work, to enjoy the work, and to give her a bit of slack when she has busy days. But then we do not get as much done.

We went over alphabet sounds and then the -at words. It did not go quickly, but not as slow as last time. When we finished pronouncing the words, I had her write down each one -- like a spelling test (not bad to introduce this concept for the future) -- and then read what she had written. Tonight when I put her to bed, I took out a book that uses lots of the -at words. Julia was thrilled that she recognized the words and could read the title without my saying it first.

Julia's behavior was good this weekend apart from church this morning. She decided that she wanted to stay in the classroom before class began and I wanted to see the beginning of the service. She started yelling and I took her aside and held her. We had to do two holdings before she could go into church, and we did get in, albeit just before the kids were asked to go to their classrooms. Is it testing? I wondered if it was today. Does she want to see how far she can go having her own way? The anger was not as intense but the physical part is still impulsive.

Tuesday

Julia has been very happy the last few days. The After School people tell me she is sillier than usual. She had all smiles on her behavior chart for school yesterday. Even when she fusses or refuses, she seems to be only kidding a lot of the time -- doing it just to test, to keep her front up. She wanted to cuddle yesterday, although there is still lots of times when I need to push her to do out attachment work.

But during the last weekend, Julia wanted my attention more just to smile at me. She demands that I look at everything she is creating, and she wants to do more of what we are doing. I think she is even being nicer to the dog -- I don't want to raise my hopes up too high.

Still, she did not want to do home work last night, but on the plus side she was visible tired. We are seeing many more yawns and more cooperation going to bed. Still, that kid is like a nesting dog when she falls asleep. There are times I think she will never, ever settle down!

Another thing about yesterday, when Julia came into the classroom -- late because we went to early morning therapy -- she saw Aaron and heard him saying under his breath that Julia was there and that he wanted her gone. Julia heard it -- the kid does have super hearing! -- and looked intently at Aaron. Dare I say, ready to attack. I was leaving and saw that Mary was ushering Julia to take off her jacket and do her morning routine, and the fact that there were no sad faces on her beahvior chart means that she did not find a time to go back and get Aaron. This is a good thing.

I am dealing, via email, with my first PTO presidential issue. Although I am not formally president yet, my input is being sought. Gosh, there is a lot to learn and I have always been dreadful at politicing.

Me: Come on, Julia.

Julia: Mommy, I'm coming on!

Turtles

Julia rides the wild bronze sea turtle."I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille."
Julia tries on a shell and decides it is a lot better to ride on the shell instead of carrying it on her back. Can you tell which picture mommy made Julia pose for? I think that modeling is not her career. LOL!

Saturday Cookie

It maybe just me but it seems that Julia has managed to find the biggest single cookie at the Farmers Market. She usually has permission to pick out one cookie, and I thought we were pretty safe saying tht she could have one, just one. However, over the weeks we have progressed for small oatmeal raisen cookies to ginger cookies to M&M cookies to this giant cow cookie that is iced in vanila and chocolate. Fortunately, there is only a few more weeks before it is too cold for our Saturday shopping, and who knows what they will be making next spring.
The balloon bunny made it through walking through the market, through lunch and the drumming show put on the Children of the Sun, but popped before we made it back to the car. Not easy being a balloon bunny.

End of the week

It has been an interesting week. We had absolutely no therapy scheduled for this week (our speech therapist retired and our OT has no time) and David traveled with the court for three days. Julia did miss Daddy, one morning she woke up and asked, "Where is my good friend Daddy?"

At school Julia is still hitting -- grown ups and mostly those that she doesn't know well, not that this is a reason or excuse. We finally, finaly start our family therapy next week. I hope that the therapist can help us with this. I believe it is due to fear and control issues but I have no idea of how to more forward.

I bought some halloween lights -- bats -- and Julia and I put them up, as well as our scarecrow and cat from last year. Julia just loved it. She couldn't wait for the dark to turn on the lights. We remembered that she would go out for candy on halloween night although she has not really picked out what she wants to be yet.

We are having some remembering going on. The other night when I was putting Julia to bed she told me she was sad (and I think scared) that she lost her blue flip-flop. I had to remember myself what she was talking about. During out vacationing when we were at Lisa's house, Julia did indeed lose one of her blue flip flops when she and Sarah were tubing. At the time, Julia did not seem to register her loss and I was surprised because she liked those shoes a lot. Interesting that it comes out now.

More deepening of concentration as well. I see this in Julia's home work and even in her playing. Somewhere between the two -- the other night she and I put together a puzzle and she stayed very focused for a long time even though it was quite frustrating for both of us at times. We were working on it together and a number of times she bent over where I was to place pieces to help me or place her own pieces.

Thursday afternoon we had another violin lesson. It went better than the last one, still not perfect but getting better. I brought Julia home right after school and we did a schedule for the hour -- playing, writing, snack, cleaning up, and then violin. The schedule does center her and gt her ready to concentrate. And she did. She even remembered some things from last week. Lindsey gave her the "cigar box" violin that Suzuki kids start with and Julia was very proud of learning to hold it correctly. We are going to practice rest position and playing position. I continue to hold my breath about violin. It was so good for Cheshire, I would like it to be good for Julia. No, that is not set in stone, but I do hope it will work.

Julia is also touching my arm when she talks to me, a sweet gesture and one that feels very authentic to her. Her anger as it is directed towards me has diminished some and she is more loving. She is also spontaneously telling me that she loves me, not often, but sometimes.

The hat ladies

On Sunday, Julia and David went to the church fall festival while I went to my UU class. Unfortunately, it was raining so the festival went inside but they enjoyed chilli and pizza which seem to be the main purpose of the festivities. Julia also was able to experience the hat ladies and she was so excited about her new hat!

The hat ladies arrange two big tables with long pieces of fleece and triangular pieces of fleece in all sorts of colors and patterns. A kid can pick out one long piece and 6 triangles for her hat. Then she hands it to one of the ladies sitting in back of sewing machines at the other end of the tables. That lady starts sewing and in the snap of a finger, blink of an eye the long rectangle and 6 triangles become a hat -- a rare and unique hat. Julia was very please with hers. I came to see David and Julia during a class break and it was just as the hat was finished. You would have thought the woman waved a magic wand, Julia was so excited. Good to see some everyday magic and sparkles and shines.

Julia is wearing her first pair of tie sneakers to school today. She needed real sneakers for gym but I have been dragging my feet because Julia can be so picky about foot wear.

Pumpkin pickin'

We went to find pumpkins today at a farm. We rode in a wagon pulled by very large horses and were dropped off to find out perfect pumpkin. We found a few!
Julia made a very good pumpkin guard.
Julia visited with a turkey who ate all of the corn kernels that Julia could find to give him. And I wondered if he knew how close to Thanksgiving it is.

Swimming & Julia's view of life

Swimming lesson writing: I have been talking to the PTB at the Y and they are arranging for an aide to with Julia during her lessons. Her present teacher, Linda who is a spec ed teacher in her non-aquatic life, is also going to give Julia private lessons in addition to group lessons. My goal continues to be two-fold, that is, to have Julia learn how to swim, or how to do the stokes necessary for her to become a better swimming, and to teach her to learn within a group and participate in a group.

SO, towards those ends, I offered Julia two stickers if she (1) listened to Linda today, and (2) did what Linda asked. Julia is now at the point where I can tell her what I expect and then ask her what she is supposed to be doing and have her repeat, with help, what I told her to do. (Just this is an accomplishment considering that this kind of instruction, question, response was impossible last year at this time). She was primed and ready BUT Linda is not at lesson today! LOL. Best laid plans, and I hear the gods laughing.

In any event, there is a substitute, Loren, and only three kids in class today. Julia is trying right now to listen and keep herself controlled enough to do what she has been asked.

I need to be able to communicate with Julia over a long distance – I wonder if we should be learning some signs so that I can remind her to listen or to do as she is told. Can I get her to look at me when she feels herself loosing control? Is she that cognizant of how she is doing? Can I help her to be?

At home, Julia is asking me a lot of the time if I am angry or mad at her. She is more and more aware of my moods whenever I veer from center in the slightest. I can be stern, grumpy, direct, etc. – I find it hard to quantify my moment-to-moment emotional landscape. I search for words to answer her questions and wonder how many of them she understands. If it is necessary for her to quantify emotions in order to learn them, then I have to both understand myself and figure out what will translate to her.

I continue to read about trauma – two books, one a tome – and Julia’s behavior when she automatically greets every direction with a "no" and her hitting seems to fit that of kids who have suffered trauma. Not surprising at all. Now, can we heal her? She needs compliance and willingness to learn.

Thank goodness, she is so cute.

Julia brought home a paper the other day – an assignment regarding families. Families have been the ongoing theme for awhile. On the page was two drawing spaces – one for when Julia was a baby and one for now. Christy told me that she worked with Julia on this just to make sure that it was not too much for Julia or that it did not go into scary or bad places. On the baby side, Julia drew a baby crying in a crib on wheels. There was a big person in the picture as well but the person was not near the crib. Julia told Christy that when she was a baby, she was crying. Christy asked her if there were times that she did not cry or other things to put in the picture. Julia told her, no. baby Julia cried all the time. Christy, possibly not knowing how to respond and wanting to acknowledge in some positive way what she was told, said to Julia that sometimes, babies have a hard time and that life gets better when they get older.

The other side of the paper was crowded with people and things. Julia drew a happy pictures of herself, she drew her classmate Clare and Clare’s mom, she drew lots of toy – little pets of course. She told Christy that she is happy, that she has a friend in Clare, and that she loves her toys.

Violin Lesson

Yesterday, Lindsey came and had a violin lesson with Julia. This was not like the last lesson in which I just brought Julia home from school, let her play with her toys and greeted Lindsey. Instead, I planned the time. I made a schedual with Julia. We had a little more than an hour to get ready for Lindsey. The schedule had playing, cleaning up, drawing, and putting away her school stuff. And then there was a drawing of a violin for her lesson. I told her that if she did the first four things she would get one sticker and if she was cooperative during her lesson -- if she listened to Lindsey and did what Lindsey asked her to do -- she would get two stickers. (We didn't get her behavior chart from school, so there was no possibility of getting a sticker from that, and I did not plan to do home work with Julia when we have an after school lesson.)

Julia first balked at the schedule -- what else would she do, she was allowed to play but didn't want to stop -- but I insisted that she put away her coat and back pack first and this gave her something to cross off on the schedule and one step closer to a sticker. She loves crossing out what she has done.

Then she decided to play and after 10 minutes, I gave her a 5 minutes warning, and then a 3, and then a 1. When I told her to stop, I asked her to draw. This was a no brainer transition (more fortunate than planned). I wanted her to draw on the cards that I was taping to her toy bins. The cards were to have words and pictures of what was in the bins. I have to say that she liked the assignment but was not as creative as usual with her drawing -- is this because I assigned it? She drew and together we taped the cards on the boxes. We had another thing to cross off. She cleaned her toys up with almost no protest at all, asked for a bread and butter sandwich, and we were read for Lindsey when she came.

With a clear livingroom with fewer distractions, Julia was able to listen to Lindsey. She was not perfect and she darted off at times to do or find something that seemed to her related to what Lindsey was doing. They listened to music together, learned to hold her violin, and learned to hold a play bow. We are edging closer to a real lesson.

I continue to read Temple Grandin amazed not only by what she has accomplished, but by her clarity, her ideas about education, her opportunities. I read to see how others influenced her -- parents, teachers, colleagues -- and see how important that influence was and is in her life. I take strength from how she 'turned out.' No single smidgeon of energy given to her was wasted. I know that my efforts with Julia are important. I am not always consistent, I do not always do everything possible, but I build every day a tower a little bit higher. I expect her to grow and change. And she does it.

Wednesday

Julia and I went to choir tonight. This is her third rehursal and I am still wondering whether we should be there. Julia is interested but over stimulated, anyway I think that she is. She is unable to sit by herself although she sits pretty well with me. Her behavior appears more disabled than I have seen her, but . . . . but she is holding herself to gether to some extent and she seems to like being there. At the end of the rehursal, she said thank you and good-bye to the director, Heather. And she told Heather that she loved music.

Midway through the 30 minute rehursal, Heather took out chimes that she wanted to introduce. The children took turns playing the chimes and they sounded beautiful together. Julia took part in this and I could see that she loved the sound that the chimes made. And so, is this where we should be? I don't think there is a right answer on this one. I am just wondering.

Julia's class has been reading books by Kevin Henkes this week. I found some in the library and we have also been reading his books at bedtime. Today, Julia brought home a paper purse that she made -- based on one of Henkes' stories. Inside of the purse, Julia had drawn two mice which were recognizable as based on Henkes' characters. She also drew this incredible duck -- daisy duck -- dress in a dress and singing and dancing -- with notes above her head. The duck was carrying fan-like things in her hands. Julia has started coloring animals in many colors and some of her coloring seems to be deliberately dramatic.

Today's changes

A few small changes between yesterday and today:

1. Julia seems to be coming to some understanding about time. She has been asking whether I will pick her up right after school or after after-school. She seems to understand yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and yesterday, she asked to bring clock into her bedroom. Up to this point, Julia has lived in the present. Trying to tell her that she will get enough stickers to earn a new little pet in two days has been really difficult. Telling her that we are going to do something tomorrow or next week or next month has been next to impossible.

2. Julia wrote her entire name on a line tonight. She still needs help spelling her last name but she made her letter to intentionally sit on the line.

3. Julia also is being much more affectionate. She is hugging me and asked for her special ed teacher for a hug when she is overwhelmed at school. I have been missing her hugs. She has still been affectionate with David but with me, she can be angry or vaguely willing to do what I ask. I feel like we have cracked another layer of protection, and we have a bit more of our girl.

On the other side of things, Julia is still being very fidgety.

change?

Julia is doing more stimming -- rocking, flapping her hands, wringing her skirt, and grinding her teeth -- than usual. The behavior seemed to noticeably start last night and tonight it was more intense. She also tossed and turned before bed having a hard time getting to sleep. I am pretty sure that she went through this just before we saw some change due to her listening therapy. For the past two week, she has been listening to "Chamber Music"KT 104 CD (68 MINUTES).

According to the website information: "Music by Rossini, Tschaikowsky and Grieg. The musicians produce music which is lively, harmonising and invigorating. The music is played and conducted in such a way that it becomes stimulating and energising, by working on the human pulse and deeper levels of emotions. The CD trains the ability to listen and allows the listener to "switch off" from the stresses of everyday life and re-charge the "batteries". Therapeutic uses include help with training listening, directional hearing."

So, waiting to see what is happening.

Candyland!!!

We were up early today with time to take showers, eat a good breakfast and go to church. It is getting cooler and the day has a rather damp before rain smell. Julia made it though about half the service before we went into the kid room. Even there she was pretty quiet and could have been quiet through the sermon, but she likes the quiet kid room and until she gets into RE, we are going to use it for half the service.

Afterwards, we came home and decided to have a quiet rest of the morning. I asked Julia what she wanted to do and suggested that we put a puzzle together. She declined that idea and asked to play Candyland. SHE ASKED! A new first! She and I played, with David looking on and helping her stay on task (she did still need that kind of help). We used two pieces and raced eachother to the end. It was a short game -- Julia pulled a card that put her way ahead -- but no matter. We played an entire game; Julia won; and we gave eachother high fives all around.

Saturday night in front of the television

Tonight, I finally finished an old post about our China Group Reunion. And here is a picture that Traci took of four of our girls. I have been fooling around with it -- such a good story.

Saturday in Madison

Back at swimming class. Julia missed last week because we were camping and the break seems to have been good for her. She was enthusiastic this morning about coming to the Y. The fact that we can no longer go swimming outside helps. She has given up serious asking to go to our community pool.

Julia is listening to a CD right now which is supposed to be stronger therapeutically than the two she has listened to before this. I am waiting for some reaction. To be so poised and wonder what will happen.

Today in the car, I called Cheshire. Because of the call, Julia had to wait until I was done to have music turned on. She waited without whining and when I was finished, she asked for music. Her appropriateness surprised me.

Is Julia actually trying to do the overhand stroke while holding on to a floating barbell?

Ummm, I did not post pictures of the camping trip because I didn’t take any. I packed the camera but I decided early on that I was not going to burden myself with one more thing. I had enough going on without the camera. Not that it was tough with Julia – she was cooperative and listened well. It was an adventure from start to finish but not an incredible challenge. Julia is beginning to rise to the occasion from time to time. And I did enjoy the living rather than recording of her and us. Now, of course, I’d love a picture of her next to the tent and roasting marshmallows, but I am sure I will get one sooner or later.

Later: Today is just beautifully quiet and perfect. Now, that we are officially into Fall, Madison weather is late summer-like. The early turning leaves are golden and red but the breeze is warm, the sun is shining softly through the clouds. Perfection. Our neighbors catty corner are having an Obama fund raiser on their lawn. We went over for a little while but Julia wanted to come home because the neighbors were drumming and it was too loud for her. And so, I sit on the porch and she listens from across the street and watches her bees.

Julia is more compliant than usual today. She takes a hand when she needs to, she closes the bathroom door when she leaves while I am in the shower, she lets David wipe her mouth after lunch without pulling away.

Julia is hitting in school. This hitting is what I have been having trouble with all summer – sometimes it is not hitting but threats of hitting. She can get angry quickly and strikes out. She is repentant afterwards, but doesn’t seem to be able to do anything about it before she does it. She also doesn’t have the words for "why" she is doing what she is doing. Why is she angry? I know that she had stored a lot of anger inside of her. What can we do about it? This is what I wanted to work with the family therapist about, and this is what we are waiting to work on. Patience is wearing thin.

Today's adventure

Oh my, what a day.

First, I got dressed to meet a guy who runs an agency that I am interested in volunteering at. I was at the appointed place at the appointed time and he did not show up. Later, I found out that I had the wrong day -- tomorrow, not today -- but I didn't know that, felt awful, starting to believe that I could do nothing right. Finding out later about the wrong day thing, I almost felt worse. Now, he knows . . . what?

Then, I picked Julia up for OT and Christy told me that had a rough afternoon. She had problems finishing her math work, finished it during choice time, got angry and hit another child. Julia told me that she hit Ginny, the special ed teacher, but she didn't want to talk about it beyond that. She was cranky in the car, told me that she didn't want to see Annie, and I told her that we had to tell Annie that we were not going to meet with her. This is a tactic that I use at times when I cannot think of a choice to offer her. After a while, she will tell me that she is willing to do what she is supposed to and we talk about doing that thing.

At OT, Julia was amazing. She was able to concentrate and follow directions for almost 45 minutes. She made a butterfly with the grad student that is shadowing Annie. When they were done making the butterfly, the grad student and Annie wanted to play Red Light, Green Light, but Julia would have none of it. She got angry and tried to rip the red/green sign that Annie had made. She said she was angry and she said that she wanted to hit the sign. Instead of insisting that she play the game, Annie suggested that Julia use one of the swings. Annie took down the swing made of a knit material and in which Julia can curl up like she is in a sling. Annie swung her, and bounced her with a big ball. When Julia came out of the swing, she was no longer angry.

Annie and I talked about Julia's anger. This is the behavior which is so hard to do something about. It comes on quickly Julia either threatens me with hitting or tries to squeeze my arm, or wants to do damage like she did with Annie's sign. I stop her and she becomes contrite but is unable to say why she was angry. Annie and I talked about whether it was the result of sustained concentration or maybe even going back to her behavior at school.

After OT, I realized that what I thought was a few bites on my wrists was really poison ivy. I called my doc, was unable to see her or anyone in the office today, and was advised to go to an Urgent Care Clinic. There was a clinic close to where we go for OT so I took Julia. She was cooperative and concerned about my itches, quite caring in her own way. The doctor that we saw did not see it that way -- she reprimanded Julia a few times when she was fidgity, bumping her feet on part of the chair and touching a painting hung in the room. I just wanted some medicine and to get out of there but I am sure that the doc thought me a lazy mother who was not disciplining her child. I was so itchy, I just wanted drugs.

So, the drugs -- hopefully the prescription steroids will short cut this bout of poison ivy. Very unfortunately, the side effects are irritability and an insatiable appetite. These I don't need. Not at all, but if it helps the rashes, I am there.

All this, and it is David's birthday. I started a dinner before I left to get Julia for OT. He had to finish it up. We had a little cake and Julia sang happy birthday enthusiastically.

And now, I am going to bed. It all starts all over again tomorrow.

A new violin & my fixed computer

Yes, my computer is back and wonderful! The call from the fix-it guys came in at 4:30. Julia and I jumped in the car and went to retrieve the laptop before the store closed. Virus gone, new protections, and new speakers. So happy not to have to go through another weekend with my machine.

Yesterday, Julia and I met Lindsey who is going to be Julia's violin teacher. I had first contacted her back at the beginning of July but our schedules did not allow a meeting then. This was one of the things that I was hoping to start in the summer when Julia was not in school, but . . . we do it when we can.


Lindsey is a special ed teacher. She did her master's thesis on adapting Suzuki method for kids on the spectrum. She is very excited to get another student on the spectrum and we are very excited to get her. Lindsey came in bringing a shoulder bag full of goodies -- toys to play with, a make-believe bow, cards, and other stuff. Julia was fascinated. Lindsey played Cheshire's violin and Lindsey and Julia played the piano. Julia loved singing that ABC's and Twinkle. The lesson was about 20 minutes long.
The initial plan is that Lindsey is going to teach me beginning violin and we shall wait for Julia to want to join in. Towards that end, Julia and I went to rent a half size violin after school today. I can just see Cheshire rolling her eyes, but I did feel that it was so sweet to be taking home a little violin. I had no idea what Julia would think about getting the violin. She was pretty happy. She was patient when she was measured and the sales person tried two violins on her. She asked me a few times whether this violin was for her and whether she could play it. She carried the violin out to the car proudly. As we were getting into car, she told me that she was going to play Julia's violin, not Cheshire's violin.


We shall see.

And later on Saturday

Julia is in the living room with headphones on listening to her therapy music, making blue and pink dinosaurs with palm trees out of new play dough. She started a new session of swimming classes and we re-started our home work tonight. And I have questions.

The first about swimming. Julia has done the same class, polliwogs, three times now. She is incredibly able in the water and she can do all of what is expected to pass on to the next class. However, she does not follow directions. So, she will not do what she is told when she is told. She can kick to the other end of the pool but would rather not do it when the class does. My original plan, which might be incredibly naive, was to have her repeat the first class until she was able to attend to what the teacher was saying and listen. I have no investment in her moving ahead, but I am now wondering if I should be burdening the beginner teachers with her behavior, as if they are going to change it? My expectations are confused.

My confusion arises right now because she has a new teacher. Previously, she had had the same guy, Allen, and he was getting somewhere with her. He also knew how to handle her. Julia's new teacher, Linda, is a SN teacher but . . . . I just don't know, my gut tells me nothing, and I am not sure of who to ask. This question also feeds into a more general question about activities and Julia. There is a young kids choir at the church. Can I impose on the director and see if she can join?

Before dinner, Julia and I started our home work again. We did letter work during out vacation, but for the week afterwards and for this past first week of school, I did not demand that we sit down and work. We did a bit of alphabet saying and signing, and some informal spelling, but that was it. Yesterday, we sat down and worked on her name and some coloring. I thought we would ease into working.

I decided to try to work on simple words following the starfall.com process. She still needs reinforcement with letters and sounds, but I am hoping that the letter work will come using words. She wrote her name; she worked on "a", "t", and then "at". This was pretty unconcrete and she gave me some resistance. We read the little book, "Zac the Rat." (fascinating reading!) We went to the computer and did the "AT" exercises and the "AN" exercises, and then, did two work sheets that had pictures next to half written words. In the first sheet, she had to fill in the first letter of the word and trace the remaining two letters, the second sheet, she had to fill in the "a" for each word. Julia worked diligently with a lot of help from me to keep her focused and moving along.

I have 6 sheets that work on short "a". I plan to run through the set twice at least to see if she gets it. At the same time, we will continue to read Zac the Rat every day and sometimes at bedtime.

Once again, no idea of what I am doing, but feeling my way to the next step.

Another note, at one point when we were working, Julia started saying that she was scared of the letters, that the work was too hard and that it scared her. I put her in my lap and we hugged eachother to get the scareds out. Then she went back to work.

Oh, if I could only get inside her head!! Now, to take a picture of her dinos and palm trees.