Spicy Dragons & Dinosaurs

Again, early morning. Saturday. I did not take a sleeping pill last night, had a bit of trouble falling asleep, but a more satisfying sleep over all. I just have to exhaust myself and maybe a few glasses of wine helped.

We went to the rehearsal dinner last night. It was really a meal for all of the people who came from out of town. Julia was the only child and she was doted on by many of the grown ups. She loved it. She insisted on being called Julia Dinosaur -- Cheshire and Alice have taken dinosaur names too and insist that Julia call them by those. Julia is always anxious about seeing Cheshire, but loves her once she is with us.

We all enjoyed the dinner. We got to meet more of Alice's family, as well as Alice and her parents' other friends. I will not remember any of the names! At least, apart from those I spoke to for a long time, but I enjoyed them all. They were kind and embracing, and I like that immensely.

One strange thing about going out into the world is that I no longer meet people with David. I am, for all intent and purposes, single. Well, I am single. It is very strange not to explain my life in terms of our relationship. And now people do not ask directly. I both want to talk about David and want to keep my status to myself. I am not looking for pity but i am not yet completely single. I feel very much on edge as to how I deal with my status -- still much to raw to be flippant. But I am carrying on and strength is building all the time.

We have the pleasure of having Linde with us for the weekend. Having Cheshire and Linde chattering is such a pleasure. And so reassuring that life does go on. I am, at times and naturally, straining for normalcy. It will be a long time coming and I feel that once it does come, I will miss the days that I was closer to David. Everything, every movement, comes with a price.

Today, the wedding.