Spicy Dragons & Dinosaurs

A few days after David died I woke up to the thought that I own a house. I own two cars. I own a lot of stuff. Its not that I did not own these things just two weeks ago when David was alive, but we owned them together and it did not seem like that much. It is not that these things are a burden, not really, but more like a young friend said last year at Thanksgiving, "Why do you have so much of it."

In the last year, maybe especially after my mother's death and the clean out that we had to do there, David and I have been intent on clearing away what we do not use. Oh, we didn't get very far -- we got caught up in so many things, including these last four months, his new heart and how everything would return to the normal that we knew, almost. Oh, we were cocky.

I will start that process again. Clearing. I can begin again with the stuff that we talked about getting rid of and slowly work in. David and boxes and boxes of manuscripts. I don't think I will touch them for a long time, but I will one day. One day.

Last night, on the way home from clinic I talked to Julia about our new responsibility -- I never know how much she is able to listen to these boring conversations. I told her that the puppy house belonged to my and her (and Cheshire of course, but I was going to make a plug for cleaning up toys and didn't think that a Brooklyn owner would really induce Julia to clean more). I told her that where we used to have two grownups to take care of things, that we now had just me and I needed help. Her help. Julia was very quiet.

Once we got home, I was on the phone for awhile, talked to our supper delivery person (and thank god for friend's food), and cleaning up in the kitchen. Julia cleaned up the living room -- not in the orderly way that I would really like it, but she did it, and presented it to me like a gift.

My girl.

On the way home, I was talking to David's father, calling him "dad." Julia immediately started asking if I was talking to her daddy. Oh, that sweet heart. I immediately explained that it was grandpa and not daddy. Later, when I got off the phone, she told me to call grandpa, grandpa.

Before we went to bed, when I was talking to my sister, Julia started telling me how she was going to find me a new husband. She added last night that it would be a husband with a good beating heart.

The kid thinks of everything!