The day continued to be slightly off and frustrating. I kept plugging along like some little engine chanting "I think I can" until it got to be 5:30 and time to get ready to go to Julia's open house at school tonight. We had a tough time getting there with Julia deciding she did not want to go and getting very afraid which manifested itself as anger. She hated everyone, she did not want to learn, she did not want to see kids, etc., etc. But I held her for a few minutes, put her hair in pigtails and shepherded her into the car. One of our therapists followed us in her car and she also tried to calm Julia and watched her carefully. Julia was stand offish, she told her teacher that she was scared and nervous. She did not want to meet any of the kids in her class but she did. And she found some books too. Before long, she was in a corner with two other girls, Peyton and another girl, looking at the dinosaur books and commenting on the action.
We have another day before school starts on the first. I am so hoping that Julia loses a bit of her fears, the anger diminishes, and she can find reason to learn. The last is really the toughest. Learning has to happen on her schedule and in her time, but boy, none of that is easy on a mom.
For the first time tonight it passed in my head that maybe I should give up being president of PT"O. I feel already behind and school begins. i have to sleep on it and talk to a few friends, but right now, getting that going and moving feels impossible.
But then it was one of those days.
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