Spicy Dragons & Dinosaurs

The day was hard and long today, but generally, I held myself together much better. I found myself taking big deep sighs of relief that I could focus, function, and accomplish tasks. I don't mean that I have been incapable of putting six cogent words together, but I have felt like I was coming from a great distance to do most anything -- I was so grateful for Lisa and Cheshire and Mary to drive me around last week. I could force myself but I have not been in any way at my best. Today, seems to be turning a new corner.

I am sure that there will be plenty of backsliding -- days when I cannot do much more than absolutely necessary -- but knowing that there are more productive days helps.

Still, it is so hard to believe. I still talk in terms of "we", I don't exactly think that David is coming home, but I don't feel the lack of his presence yet. It is as if he is on a trip. I miss him, but it is not yet a missing of someone gone forever.

Julia continues to insist that she will find me a new husband. Tonight, she added that the new husband will have a "good working" heart. I admire that girl's pluck. I remember over and over that she has been through so much worse. I feel she is appreciating me and really making an effort to take care of me and also do what I say. That doesn't always translate into actually doing what I say, but she talks about doing what I say.

We do have to manage the toys better than we have. I have not felt like my usual sorting and cleanup of her stuff, and the result would put the work of a minor tornado to shame.

the social security office was a bit of trouble, but by being a bitch just once a day, I am plowing through the work.

But yee gawd, am i bushed!