14 months home!

7-9 November 2007

Gosh, it’s been a week since I written. A quick week, a slow week, a week of nothing much unusual, and a week of discoveries. And now that it is longer than a week, more and more happens. Today, Julia is home for 14 months! We are listening to Chinese kid music and will probably have noodles for lunch and holupchi (stuffed cabbage) for dinner. Julia loves the holupchi, loved watching me make it, and was very interested in the cooking. She liked it right out of the oven and also fried the next day. I wonder if it reminds her of any Chinese dish she has had. Her enthusiasm suggests that. Or if she is just growing some Ukainian DNA, like we are growing some Chinese DNA. Is this what a blended family means?

Julia continues to do better and better with an occasional lapse. One was yesterday morning. David drove us to school and dropped us. He has done this before and I walk home after the morning bells ring, but yesterday Julia would have none off it. She had started talking about airplanes before her coat went on. We did not discourage the discussion and we said that we were leaving in two weeks for a Thanksgiving celebration at Lisa’s house. To get there, we’d take a plane. Julia continued with taking a plane now. I did not quite squelch the conversation but I didn’t know where it was going. By the time she got to school, and we are talking a 4 minute drive with traffic, she was going to get on a plane (figee, in her Chinese) today and was not getting out of the car for school. I had to carry her out since David needed to get to work, and then tried to coax her in as many ways as I could to give up on the plane and go to school. Nothing worked until two school folks physically took her into the school yard.

This was a repeat of last year, and frankly as it was going on, it scared me. I would find it hard to live with going back that far now – of course, I would like with it, but just flashing on it made me tired and very depressed. When I had time to think about it, later at home, I realized that this time Julia had a smile on her face every now and then as she was throwing her trantrum. And it wasn’t really a tantrum, there was some control there. As if she was testing, as if she was trying on her old behavior, as if she was checking out what kind of attention it would get her now. As an alternative, it is true that Julia and I usually use David’s car on the weekend, and we are usually going somewhere out of the ordinary. Were we giving her clues of a possible outing? And then again, there was a time when talking about an airplane, or going anywhere near the airport could set off an irrational stretch in her. Maybe some, maybe all.

I made some congee yesterday – a rice porridge that is enjoyed by most Chinese kids. So, not Julia. She called it conchoo, and seemed to know what it was. I think she said it was for babies and she did eat some when I spoon fed it to her, but there was no love there at all. Too bad, I sort of liked it. I could see it as a good winter feel good food. So, maybe I’ll make it for the non-Chinese people in our house.

Well, this entry is stretching out into days and day, so notations of yesterday and today mean very little. I’ll try to publish very soon.

Julia and I have our disagreements at time and Julia is beginning to act with a more open mind and heart during these arguments. This morning, I was trying to get Julia ready for riding – lots of warm clothes. I didn’t leave myself enough time for this and I was trying to rush. Julia is not one to rush. She was not being cooperative and I just fumed. I know it was mostly my fault, but I admit to the childish feelings of not wanting to always do things by Julia’s timing. (So maybe I will learn something from this kid!!) Anyway, we did get ready, I tried not to yell too much (and didn’t) but I was silently fuming and Julia knew I was angry. A few months ago, this sort of disagree would have caused Julia to yell and scream and then shut down. She would refuse to do anything, move or listen. She would become unmanageable. Today, she understood at some point that I was angry and started to do whatever I wanted her to do. As we rode to the riding barn, she flirted to me and tried to get me to stop being angry (I was not that angry, just testy.). And now, back home, she is using her white board to draw pictures of someone who is angry and what they are doing. And I am learning more patience and just how much my girl loves our family.

We got a note from her teacher at school that our parent-teacher meeting will be longer than usual and will include people who are relevant to doing an educational plan for her. Not quite the official meeting after an assessment and decision to give her special education, but a possible substitute for now. The PTB are worried that if they call for an assessment, the findings will be that there is no way to separate Julia’s language needs from her educational needs. And there is no special ed services for language – as if a kid really doesn’t need to know English to succeed in grammar school. I am hoping for school sponsored OT. We will see what they say.

I had interviewed for a job at the local fed court last week and felt the interview was a good one and that I had a decent chance. It was not a lawyer job but as I am not going to be admitted to the state bar anytime soon, I thought it was a good match. I was not counting chickens but I could have done it. Unfortunately, I got the ding letter and its back to the drawing board.

Searching for a job related to children/adoption/fostering and so far there is only bad news on the ground. If I had a social work degree, it would be better . . . this is what I hear but then I don’t see any social worker jobs in the field coming up on any of a dozen boards I am checking. I am writing and emailing anyone I can get an address of who might have some advice or openings. I hate doing cold calls but it may come to that.

I am definitely in a collage mood with the house. I’ve hung lots of art and now mirrors in the hall, and almost everything I am hanging is hung is groups. The pictures have been with us for a long time. They have hung in different rooms in two, three or four places that have been home. Looking at them together, seeing connections that only our family might recognize feels right. Lots of Jim Jones mixed with Cheshire and a few of my photos. Travel pictures are now all together and my many pictured frames full of children or doorways or lovely sights almost shout from the wall of the sounds and smells of where they are from. I have yet to frame pictures of Eurupena from this summer in Bolivia, but I have some incredible pictures taken by a friend of Cheshire that must go on the wall. I have to post some pictures to remember these first collages. I expect they will change in time.