05 April 2012

I wrote tonight about two very hard and bad days without much outside support. I am not going to post what I wrote. It is too raw, too hard, with a good dollop of self-pity. I’ve used the blog as a journal, vowing to share most everything of importance but I am hurting too much tonight to throw it all out into cyberspace. It takes a certain amount of courage, albeit strangely small, to share most of everything. After that, I just need a free shoulder. Self-rescue is still not in my repertoire.

I’ve complained over and over that I lacked my old resilience. Today, I wonder if I remember a great deal more resilience that I’ve ever had. These days have been about ever increasing challenges that I cannot meet alone, although there is no choice but to meet it alone. When a young child refuses to go to sleep, or a two year old has a time of tantrums, parents console themselves remembering that the particular challenge will disappear one day as the child grows and matures. I find the comfort of this remedy hard to give up. Today, I did not have the deep well of understanding, patience, and love that was needed to meet the challenges of the day. And those challenges will not disappear. Possibly ever.


Anonymous said...

Dearest Suzanne, in my years as a single mom with a legally blind son, I had heard that we are not given the challenges without also being given the tools to address those challenges. The tricky part, for me, was to find/recognize the tools. The process forced growth in ways that I could not begin to imagine.

Please be gentle with yourself. You are wonderfully, fallibly human. And you are loved.


Annabelle said...
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