12 December 2011

Every so often I check who is following the blog. The other day a blogger named Wrathnar the Unreasonable joined. Umm, did you know Julia in a past life? Wrathnar has joined a number of interesting and incredibly diverse websites. I await a comment.

And comments, Sharyn, yes, would that I could have read what I write now five years ago. I am pleased with my deliberateness in writing it all down. Well, some of it down. I’ve collect almost all of my blog entries in monthly files and I will begin sifting through them with the idea of putting them together somehow. I can’t say much more than that about the process. It will have its own way.

Notes on Concerta: Julia is now taking 36 mgs. which is a lower dose than she was on with Adderall even though the mgs are higher. At home, she is not rubbing her fingers together as much. She is telling me about how much parts of her body itches. I am hoping this is the self-awareness that we’ve worked so hard to develop. I just wrote a note to her teacher, saying the I really wanted Julia to succeed today at staying in school. Do I want them to cheat? No, but she need to succeed a bit. She has some very itchy places that are healing. What I would give for healing without so much challenge.

Why is healing so hard?

Yeah, ok. I get it.

Julia has stones in her pockets today. A pink stone called rhodochrosite. I found this on its healing power : Solid to clear pink. Gentle, yet probably the most vibrant loving stone to heal the heart chakra, especially for giving/receiving love. Also for loneliness, loss, heartache, fear, insecurities, inner-child issues, abuse, and incest. Helps self-forgiveness and trust issues, spiritual and self love, desire to live, purpose. Best worn 24 hrs a day. Electro magnetic. Stronger than Rose Quartz. Solar plexus, stomach (anxiety), food addictions, anorexia, asthma, eyesight (especially emotional not-seeing, to avoid pain). Thymus. Open the hand healing chakras. Specialized uses to detox / heal blood, liver and cancer. And a green stone called Chrysoprase. Chrysoprase is used to speed the healing of any wound. Carry a Chrysoprase in a pocket to help heal. Also keep a Chrysoprase close to your bed at night to speed healing. Chrysoprase helps to make conscious what was unconscious. It strengthens the workings of insight and the higher consciousness, encourages hope and joy, helps clarify problems, and has been used as a cure for restlessness.

Does this sound a bit crazy? But I have had friends who have used stones and gems for years. How often did I make fun a crystal collection? And yet, I have collected, without really thinking about it, stones from favorite places, some near, some far. Stones that live in my bedroom in a little pile or reside by my front door in a nook that was built for a phone connection and now has shells and stones. I have collected, placed, and lived with these stones instinctively, consistently. As if I did it intentionally. As if they were part of my private rituals. And if anyone would have asked me about them, although no one ever has, I would say that they were just stones, rocks, things I picked up walking in a field near Avebury or the dusty ground at Tiwanaku or in Prospect Park in Brooklyn. Is it any wonder then, that a move from unintentional collection to stuffing particular stones in Julia’s pockets is not too difficult for me? I feel a little crazy. I certainly am more than a bit desperate to engage heaven and earth to heal my child. Storming the heavens has taken on so much broader a meaning. Then again, what stones should I be carrying?

This weekend, Julia saw Happy Feet 2, bought a Buddha coloring book, and decorated for Christmas. She is also hatching a dinosaur egg in a glass of water. We added another 10 flash cards to her addition facts and she read a story in Highlights about Hanukah is space. Full days for us. And she tells me she dreams about cookies.

And thanks for asking about the kitchen, Sharyn. I had a vague grand plan to post pictures of the finished kitchen weeks ago, but as the end of the process has dragged on, I have been, in turn, at a loss for patience, not really seeing the progress, not wanting to document little gains, embarrassed that I just want transformation and not process. And a bit sad too. Sad that I am making this house more of what we wanted for just me. Me and Julia, of course, but me. Sad, that David will not get to use it. I allow myself a bit of that wallowing now and then.

Putting some things away, however, and still having Ed in my house numerous times during the week, I am noticing where adjustment need to be made. And that is very good. The dishwasher, reinstalled on Friday!!, door rubs just a bit on the cabinet next to it. The spice rack needs adjustment. The trash/recycle pull out cabinet does not close like the other drawers, and neither does the pull out cabinet for cans.

All this to say, that another round of in process pictures is warranted. I’ll let you know when they are posted.

I am sorting out in my head the difference between magical thinking and the learnings of life. It is not that the kitchen is taking so long past the final drop dead due date to teach me anything, but I can glean a few learnings from the process. Maybe everyone else knows this. Maybe I am just slow. But there it is. I am getting something. Four months of lying fallow for a bit of wisdom.

No comments: