ORL (our real life)

Last week's time had the quality of silly putty. It could be stretched, as in "Is it still Thursday?" It cracked and broke apart when pulled directly -- when trying to make our way in Jersey traffic or the supermarket check out line which in Jersey account for substantial portions of your shopping experience. Monday we landed with a bump into here and now time of ORL (our real life) and I have tripped and sputtered along since Tuesday, falling further behind, not able to focus, and on the verge of crying at the slightest hint of turmoil, change, or challenge.

Okay, should have been expected and would have understood it completely if it was another person, but of course my perception of my own abilities do not allow for recovery time. How old will I be before I realize that bodies and spirits, even mine, need recovery?

So it is Saturday. We wanted to go to the Farmers' Market -- Julia's delight mainly because she is allowed the cookie of her choice, an old bribe to get her to walk around the square, but it is thundering and raining and at 10:30 we give us the idea. In addition, Julia has a temperature, and we tarry at home wondering if we should go out at all.

Julia is rarely if ever sick. I can't remember the last time she was even warm or coughed or was punky because of a flu. She is not punky, just a bit slower and more than usually scared of the thunder. She wanted to get dressed but also cuddled in my arms for a very long time. She tells me she is scared of being sick, and my mind races off an imagines all the whys -- What happened to sick kids in the orphanage? If there was not time to tend to the well kids, what happened when their fevers spiked or a flu ran wild in the baby room? My mind goes to awful scenarios and I have no reason to either embrace or dismiss them. Julia is not talking about the why of her fear and I have to let it go for now.

I tell her over and over that she is safe, that she doesn't need to worry about being sick or to be scared of being sick, and that worrying and making her better is our job.

Our playgroup this week was a hard one to come into. We have had one defection -- whether is it the boy's behavior or the mother's lack of trust is not clear. Another family is having some family challenges and it is not clear whether the mother will be able to continue volunteering. Dana and I talked for a long time on Friday figuring out what we needed to do to keep going, what happens if we are not sufficiently manned with volunteers. By the end of the discussion, we had formulated a clear aim -- yes, it is play and interaction, but it is also appropriate behavior. We've decided to try using grad students who need to do practicums next semester, and to be rigorous about recruit NT peers. I also asked her about taking a course or training to get some background. I need to look around but she knew at least one person to ask about it. Considering that Julia will be home this summer, any course work will need to wait until the fall.

Julia had a tough time in writers' workshop this Friday -- the time that I am usually in the classroom. Christie suggested at the end of my time there that Julia's behavior might be worse when I am there. Honestly, I could have lost it right there and cried. It is not that I think I am so important to her schooling or need to be, but I like being there and I also like spending time with the kids in class. I would miss it.

Julia's temperature went down and she was not at all punky, so we went out on this rainier and rainier Saturday. We returned the phone I bought in Jersey after losing my phone on the Chicago-bound plane. The lost and found lady at American Airlines in Chicago mailed it to me, and the Sprint folks in Jersey said I had 30 days to return the phone. I explained what happened, and the nice guy at the Spring store took it back and reactivated my old phone. I am now a loyal customer!

We also bought bikes. Now we can hold our heads up high in this town. We've been looking at bike sales and used bikes but just couldn't see putting out hundreds right now especially since we needed two bikes. SOOOOO, we visited Walmart. Not at all my favorite place, but found sturdy, and heavy, bikes for $69 each. As soon as the sun comes out again, I'll put the seat/wheel extender for Julia to ride, and we will be off.