02 October 2011

I hate it when I get to bed relatively early and then my sleep is disturbed and I am resistant to just getting up and getting on with something. I woke up almost an hour ago and just puttered on the internet, doing nothing to help me get back to sleep or do some work or even enjoy. Aimless surfing is creepy.

50 bandaids.

I don’t think that Julia was picking during these last two days. None of the scabs look fresh. So, why did I put on 8 more bandaids this evening than I did on Thursday evening.

And by the way, taking a shower, putting on bandaids, brushing and flossing teeth, and then reading a Little Bear story, tapping and saying loving kindness meditation takes a long time. If our bedtime ritual gets any longer, . . . . well, I don’t know. Are we going to have to start it before our evening meal?

Julia’s sores -- scabs and bruises -- seem to take an old lady’s time to heal. How I wish I could hurry them. Her legs look so awful. The bruises (have I said this before? Probably.) seem to form when Julia scratches the scabs so often that there is a bit of bleeding underneath the skin. And the bruises remain long after the scab in healed.

I wanted to weep taking care of my girl’s body tonight.

I don’t want to write more about this tonight. This morning. i have nothing new to say. More would be like picking my own emotional scabs. Which I am apt to do at times.


Saturday was a lovely day. Both of us slept late. Julia had morning therapy and I started another batch of lentil soup to have for supper and to freeze. I had acupuncture which I do believe has tipped the scales in my herculean efforts to get into shape. I do believe that my weekly visits have increased my metabolism sufficient for weight loss. Just a little and very slowly, but finally my pants are lose and I need a belt. I have no idea where to buy one considering that I gave up belts just after Cheshire was born. And these lose pants are still pretty much fat pants, to be perfectly honest. I am not ready to give them up. Hard, after a lifetime of dieting, to believe that I will continue to lose weight and get into better physical shape, but optimistic enough to buy a belt and feel the delicious feel of lose pants.

Okay, so I would like to think that for the moment, I am in control here. And happy about it.

I called my friend, Mary (Hi, Mary!), and Julia and I spent the afternoon with her, going to a small town, Stoughton, to walk about, check out a few antique/junk stores (and wondering why anyone in their right mind would buy anything new), watch a man fishing, buy a playmobil bride and groom with wedding cake, and stop for a donut and coffee, Stoughton claiming to be the town that invented the coffee break. Driving down there, we passed and even stopped in a farmette with pumpkins for sale, but after my experience with rotting pumpkins last year, I am waiting for another two weeks before buying. Julia did some of her own carving last year. And this year I am in the mood to do some fun pumpkin carving.

Oh, last year was so hard. Over and over again, in little ways, like remembering Halloween, the pain of the year comes back to me. I am still not all the way back to myself, but more than I was. So much more.

Julia noticed flags in Stoughten. They were flying a good number of them. The stars and stripes, the Wisconsin flag, and also the flag of Norway -- lots of Norwegians settled there in the later 1900’s early 20th Century. Julia noticed the flags, noticed that she did not recognize the Norwegian flag, and wanted to know about it.

The playmobil bride and groom came home to celebrate their wedding with a party of dinosaurs in a playmobil flower garden. Maybe she is not finished playing with that stuff. Maybe there is a Christmas gift in there.

I came home to pack up a few kitchen boxes. Demotion is in 9 days. Yes, Yes. Getting closer to the new kitchen. Amazing to be going through emotional hell and a rocky healing and to keep moving forward getting this house in order. Maybe i should take that as an excellent metaphor for this year. Moving forward in one area and on my knees in another.

Anyway, the room that I did not pack up before vacation, this kitchen, is being packed up now. I cleared a few cabinets of stuff that is not essential and brought a plastic set of drawers upstairs from the basement to use for storage when our working kitchen -- such as it will be -- is moved to the dining room. I will have the frig, the microwave, the toaster oven, the rice cooker, and the electric coffee pot. I’ve been assured that I will only be out of the kitchen for 3-5 weeks. When I repeated this to Mary, she snorted. Probably an apt response. I am planning -- mentally, that is -- for 6 weeks. I am hoping that by Thanksgiving the kitchen will be finished.

I will take pictures since this is the biggest renovation that I’ve ever done.

And although I’ve culled and weeded things out, as I pack I wonder whether I really need all this stuff. Again, another thought for the year. Do I really need all this stuff? What is sufficient? What is necessary?


Snickerdoodle said...

I've been chucking stuff left and right this year. Really weeding out the c.r.a.p. that we don't need. It feels so good. Even the kitchen stuff. I give it all away. Especially the plastic stuff! It feels so good to clear out, and you have the kitchen reno as an excuse. Good for you! You won't want to fill your new kitchen with old kitchen kitch. LOL

Suz said...

Every so often I miss a little something, but in general, I am just so relieved to be rid of stuff. Even those 8 boxes of books that are making their way out of the house. I love having all my remaining books on shelves, and don't miss any of what is packed away.

And about new stuff for the kitchen, I am having some open shelves built and I thought I wouldn't want old plastic bowls on the open shelves. I worried a bit about replacing them and then thought, Plastic!!! I can replace a few mixing bowls that I've had for 20 years! Ikea!!!