Spicy Dragons & Dinosaurs

"Rawr means I love you in dinosaur" I love it! Thank you, Bobbi Jo.

Saturday was busy. I started in earnest to move into the kitchen while Julia had a therapy morning. No, the kitchen is not complete which probably means no baking until after Cheshire comes home on the 18th. A small piece of countertop was not the correct size and it will be another week before it comes in. And there is still trim work and adjustment that is waiting. I have given up on an actual drop dead date and the only irritation comes from the fact that Ed will be in the house this next week and I’d like to do the cleaning and moving in on my own schedule, rather than work around his. I need the discipline of sharing for the week.

Today, I put away baking pans and serving trays, organized the pots into two drawers, washed the wine glasses from my mother’s estate pausing briefly to try to remember why she only had two tall champagne flutes and congratulating myself that I only lost once of the glasses (although how one broke and no more is a bit of a mystery). These will go in my glass-doored cabinet along with a few pretties. I expect that I will rearrange in time when I find out what I want close to what I am thinking of, but for now, I am sticking to a plan that I devised when I designed the kitchen. The order of putting away has more to do with what cabinets I can fill than anything else. It is random and not incredibly useful

I have six more kitchen boxes. Much of what needs coming in goes on the shelves which are nearly finished. They are up and strong but there is sanding of the fill and painting. Not big tasks but messy and needing them to be empty until it is finished. And I am longing like a whinny child to fill them up.

Julia has been in a happy mood all weekend. She did scratch some today when her newest therapist was with her. Still slowly, and a day of scratching sends number of sores back to the beginning. I explain over and over. Does she hear any of it? Does it matter? Those sores that begin to heal go through a lump/bump phase that is so perfect for scratching. I hope that we get some answers when we see the pediatric dermatologist. I wonder how much will be healed by the time our appointment on the 23rd comes but then, these sores take so long to heal. There will be something for a doc to look at.

Last week, Julia showed herself to be the same self as she who came home 5 years ago. I was bandaging and bandaiding after a shower, when Julia scratched a different part of her body than I was working on, so quickly did those hands fly and attack that I did not really see her do it. I asked to see the place and sure enough a almost healed bump was bleeding. But also, the areas around the bump was very red and two smaller bumps had been raised. I asked Julia to do what she did again so that I could see how hard her scratched. I did not really think that she had scratched hard. She refused to show me, I insisted. I was neither angry or upset, just inquisitive. I kept insisting, she refused. I told her that she should stand in the bathroom (where she was) until she showed me. I brushed my teeth, and asked. I put on moisturizer and asked. I went into the bedroom and checked on her every 15 minutes, expecting each time for her to give in. Finally, after standing for an hour, I went into her and talked to her until she showed me a little something, although not how she really scratched. I backed down at that point and put her to bed. Amazing how stubborn she can still be. How stubborn she always has been. That will of hers scared me that night. She used to be like that all the time. When she had no attachment to us. To me. What would she be like, unattached, without love, without devotion, if she was 14? 16? 20? Julia is not the same child who was so stubborn five years ago. She likes cuddling into my arms. She leans against me, casually, as if I belong to her. She looks to me for help, for guidance, for comfort, for care. And this looking to me is what she needs, even if it takes a long time to grow. And for the stubbornness, that too will help her, at the right time and in the right place.