“All great changes are preceded by chaos.” -Deepak Chopra
Thank you, Deepak. It is 1:00 pm and I have been trying, obviously not very hard, to get to this and to the tasks at hand since 7 when I saw Julia off. Since that is not true, not really, because if I had wanted to I could have sat down at 7:00 and started typing. Instead, I cleared the kitchen for Ed to come over and work, put in a load of clothes to wash, straightened up the downstairs for therapy this afternoon, texted with Cheshire and found some information that she needed by Friday, had breakfast while I trolled the internet, talked to Lisa on the phone for a long time, talked to Ed a few times when he had questions, looked up a bunch of things on the internet, read what Lisa had written on her blog (Pondering of the Path -- beautiful if you want to look), checked my email when every new message came in and went to the bathroom a few time.
All this to announce to everyone and no one except me that I am starting to work on the writing project today. I’ve done a bunch of background work, like put all of my blog entries into word processing files, which took most of the fall. I was in no rush until I got to the very end. It was tedious boring work that needed to be done. I am proud of myself for the prep work, but now, get on with it!!
My plan was to being writing this week -- well, begin compiling and cutting and pasting for awhile -- but yesterday, the first day Julia was back to school after winter break, I needed to clear the desk, pay bills, and then drive Julia around. I woke up at 5 this morning, 45 minutes before the alarm went off with so many ideas in my head as to what to write, how to start, what middle was good to begin with, that I could not get back to pleasant slumber for those 45 minutes. But faced with the blank screen and knowing that the anticipation of writing can, many times, be the most pleasant part of the experience, I did want to prolong that idea that I had a plan, the skill and the ideas necessary to tackle a writing project. Maybe that is why I only had to spend the morning, and not the whole day, procrastinating.
Referring to Depaak’s quote, I have no trouble finding the chaos: my desk, my mind, my life, my aims, my desires, my wishes, my goals, my ambition. This will be a great change. Indeed.
I usually give myself until my birthday later this month to come up with resolutions but I’ve been tweaking this for days and I think that I am done with it. A decent list. Ambitious, but then why else make a list.
Resolutions for 2012:
give more, expect less;
disengage from people and situations that feed weakness;
complete fallow year projects;
take up extravagant, ambitious projects;
take care of my body;
dip deeper into the well of mindfulness;
do the work at hand without regard for economics or ego;
love foolishly and without regard for the outcome; and
invite society and adventure into my life.
There is nothing to fear.