23 January 2012

My own new year. Chinese New Year. Cheshire’s first day of NYU for her Masters of Social Work. A very auspicious day indeed.

Cheshire’s enthusiasm about her new venture, about returning to school, about her life as she is living it now is palpable. It is infectious and just a little bit of it catches me up as I talk to her. I am in deep envy. I long for such enthusiasm myself, but I am in the middle where she has found an end and a beginning. I know. I know. Patience and steadfast work are the keys. Both are a challenge but both are within my own possibilities.

I am impatient to see what lies ahead. So impatient. I want to peek around the corner and must be content to know that today is what I have and what I can do.

My New Year’s cards are all sent. A few recipients have emailed to me their thanks and so I know they are getting where they should. The message on the back of the card has become David’s last message to me, and from me to my friends.

“Just suppose you are now doing and have been doing for quite a while exactly what it is you are supposed to be doing.”

It is from his final theater piece, “An Evening with Jon Jones,” finished in June of 2010 and performed last February as part of Forward Theater’s monologue festival. I should have it embroidered on a pillow or stenciled on the wall. It was Jim Jones’ message, and it took Jon and David and I so long to understand it. In the piece, Jon grows to understand it, and although I really don’t know if Jon really understood it, I feel that David felt the wisdom of the sentiment deeply. I struggle with the now, have gotten close to it time and again, have run smack up against it on occasion.

Part of this new year and my fallow year is a dedication of my soul to the now. Every teacher I have right now urges me on.

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