18 May 2012

Five days post-op and ready to see the doctor this morning for bandage change and advice.  I have been sequestered on the second floor, primarily in the bedroom with occasional bathroom visits.  It is so weird to Pain meds have kept me comfortable but unable to concentrate on anything other than very junky tv.  I am diving into the streaming world of dystopia sci fi and enjoying the luxury.  A friend noted on Facebook that she was a bit envious.  I would be too, but it takes a day to melt into the comment and smile.  
I am here and dammed it if I don’t want to be “there.”  I have a great lesson in being present, living now.  I squander it for hours at a time complaining of my inability to reach for more or turning away from the pleasures I have set aside to indulge in.  Reading Lisa’s blog post describing airport waiting corrals the ego chatter.  I sink in an enjoy again.
Cheshire has been taking good care of me and Julia, cooking, cleaning, caring for the dog, getting the kid ready for school and bed, fetching for my pleasure, as well as doing her part to clear the basement clutter and relieve me of the accumulated baggage.  I wonder at the good fortune of having a daughter who is willing to nurse her sick parents.    I did nothing to deserve such care, although so little is due to just deserts.  
I was crazy bored most of the day yesterday but today seems to be about settling into a mellow acceptance.  Silly all those feelings -- I must be as still as I can be for 6 weeks for the best recovery.  I can be anxious about the time and drive myself and everyone around me crazy, or I can accept it.  Possibly, enjoy the time.  I have volunteered to do a small sedentary task for a friend.  I have a few books in a pile.  I can explore a new blog/website.  I have some email to return.  I have a recommendation of another tv show.   I don’t even have to make excuses for laying around and “doing” very little.  Life is not so bad.

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