02 August 2012

Supper time.  Last one at home for a week.  Vacation begins tomorrow!
Julia’s iPad now has a cover -- big, heavy, and cumbersome over such a sweet, sleek, little machine, but safe.  Julia immediately took it over.  Now to get her taking pictures for a vacation photo journal.  
Julia used a simile for the first time today!  Butterflies around our Hibiscus Luna White.  Julia said that the the flower was sweet to the butterflies like candy.  Julia who has disagreed and fought with anyone who made any simile about her and didn’t understand any comparison between things or times or people.  My black and white child, made her first simile.
There will  be more.
Over the past few days, I’ve shifted books - to make room so that Ed could hang some lights - and pictures.  I caught sight of a few pictures of David and I, or David alone looking at the camera as I took his picture.  And in some of those pictures, it was clear to me that we felt so lucky to be together.  I’ve spent a few months being angry, feeling cheated, and also wondering if our partnership could have been better.  I could see how we held each other back, how we did not always allow each other to live up to our highest potential, how each of us compromised to own detriment.  I have felt ornery inside although I would have done anything to get back that imperfect union.  Noticing that look in those pictures brought back some sweetness.  How lucky we were!  How fortunate to have loved so well, so completely.  Not perfectly, but then we were not about perfection, we were two rough edged stones smoothing each other’s edges.  
I interviewed for an internship to do some policy work with a wonderful woman at Disability Rights Wisconsin.  It will be part of my LEND program for the year.  By the end of the interview, we had set up a date for when I begin.  The list of current projects on this woman’s white board was like a check list of issues that I want to understand.  She didn’t ask what I wanted to be doing in five years.  I hate that interview question.  Always have, mainly because I have never had any idea of what those interviewers wanted me to say.  And maybe because I have not forged my own way but tried to bend my way into something acceptable.  I told my interviewer twice that I didn’t know where this second year of LEND was leading me, that I had no specific goal set but that I was sure I was in the right place doing the right thing.  Later, it struck me that this was not fodder for an interviewer but true.  Right now, it is very simple.  Just do it.  Play out my heart and let it take me.  Live this day and then the next fully and without second guessing where I will arrive.
I feel some strength returning.  What a gift.

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