Days of talking, shopping, cooking, talking some more. I have kept Julia on a very short lease. Actually, no lease at all. She is my shadow, at my side day and night, but she still manages to scratch. I’ve left her asleep for the past two nights and went downstairs to join the others for an adult movie. It has been Julia’s only time alone. Yesterday morning and this morning I noticed bloodied spots. But to be fair, the skin where I’ve been using the steroid cream is dry, scaly, and very thin. So, two days ago, I stopped with the steroid cream and have been using only my facial moisturizer on her in those places that seem the worst. Of course, that means that there is probably more itching for Julia. And more itching means more attempts at scratching, and more scratching means more bloodied scabs with or without bandaids and bandages. To be fair, there is healing going on. Slow and in a few places. Julia’s left arm and lower left leg have one bandaid a piece on each. Many of the remaining sores are smaller than they were. These are very slow victories. I am hoping that being together this week will push healing forward, but it is a labyrinth of a healing process. Twists and turns and dead ends on every path. Keeping her very clean -- daily showers seems to help the itching more than it dries the skin. Giving her ice in a baggie can help in the late afternoon when itching gets intense. The facial moisturizer appears to be soothing some of the steroid-affected skin.
I spoke with her doctor this morning and she is going back on oral steroids for five days. Five days are what she tolerated the last time before becoming a bit wonky. I hate to put her back on the drugs but we both need some relief. Last night she slept with gloves on and this morning the leg that I could not wrap because it was too raw looked a little bit better. It is exhausting for me and awful for her.
On the estate front, I have no option but to continue until it is finished. “And I bow to the strength that flows within.” A comment from Sharyn. Strength that comes from releasing expectation and hope. It is hard to believe that after work long and hard that my brother will not willingly do the work, will not take the time to call me after I left a message for him. Instead, he called the lawyer and lied to him that I had not gotten in touch. I worked some yesterday at releasing my expectations regarding my brother. I have been concerned, and I have wondered about him. I am releasing all of that and there is strength that comes from such a release.
Julia is doing a travel journal as home work for missing this week in school. She has done three entries and they are all about making lists, shopping for food, cooking, and eating. Ummmm, I think she is accurately perceiving out activities this week. Someone in this house has done some life sketching in a big sketch book that Julia is now using. She is working on finishing one of the life drawings -- one without hands, feet or head. Her additions to the picture are not very good -- she has no idea of what fingers and feet look like or how they are attached to the body, but they are the correct size which is interesting to me. She can see how the body was made -- short, sketching strokes of the pencil and she is trying to copy it and not impose her sure heavy hand which is her usual style. We are in such a crisis mode right now with her body but every so often she does thing that remind me how much of an artist she is. How much she needs a wise teacher. How much is still inside waiting to be developed and to show itself.