08 November 2011

Hair cut for me today. Found a picture of Helen Mirren that I liked and asked for that cut. My cutter said, “Umm, well she does have more hair than you do but . . . “ Does everyone have more hair than I do? For a few days in the mid 70‘s, I had perfect hair for the time. Long, stick straight, and completely without body. Then those days passed. Oy. If my body was like my hair -- long, stick straight, and utterly, utterly thin -- my hair would be a perfect match. And I could still wear it long. Every man in my life has loved it long. And it is such a pain long, and frankly, I don’t look very good with very long hair. I am an old lady! I have no need for assurances that I am lovely. I just want it to be easy and presentable. And that is the challenge. So still, chin length, some layers, half bangs. Another take on what I have been getting this past year. A number of past years when I make it to the salon. The key is that I should get a cut much more regularly, instead of waiting until it looks positively ratty and the only way to handle it is to pull it back and tie it up.

The kitchen is going over budget as of now. I am holding my breath. I was aware of the possibility, and there have been too many deviations from the original plan, all small, all necessary. I will be fine in the long run of a few months, but I fall into worry much too quickly. One minute I think that Christmas will be quite frugal and the next that I will be fine.

Another question of resiliency.

I met a man today who was instrumental in putting our therapy service provider together back in 1999. He is interested in mindfulness and kids on the spectrum. Actually, he is interested in a range of ideas to enhance therapy, including diet, sleep, exercise (yoga), and mindfulness. He came to our therapy team meeting and spoke some about the possibility of a pilot program with some families. He talked about giving families tools to cope better and I heard resilience in that. What does Didion say?? Something about discovering that sanity is so shallow. Yes, the stress of autism is not simply for the person involved. That 15 minutes in the morning when I get up before Julia gets up fill me. I did not believe that anything could do that. It works. It fills my shallow trench of sanity and I grow by leaps and bound in patience and perseverance. I think prayer could work the same way, but prayer for me has always been asking for something or thanking for something. I cannot lay it all in a god’s hands. Parable of the talents, and the guy who buried his talent and could only retrieve it when it was called due was chastised. I need to be more proactive. Do for myself. Act as if it all depended upon me.

This man, Andy Paulson, seems quite the visionary. He has ideas about treating every facet of family life -- sleep, nutrition, education, relaxation, and something else. I think he is looking for guinea pigs and I think we could be a good match.

Julia has a more instances of picking and scratching -- really it is scratching at this point more than intentional picking -- at school yesterday. But she was redirected easily. Another report today again says more attempts at scratching but easily redirected. There is more healing and so more itching. There are still scabs and I am still bandaging and bandaiding at least 30 of them, but the scabs are more straight forward, not as swollen or irritated. Simple scabs that actually look like they could heal. Nothing is quick, I am viewing each day when she leaves them alone as a gift.

I have not investigated food for healing, as one commentor noted. We do eat a good deal of foods with vitamins A and C, and also with zinc. We’ve managed some of this even without a working kitchen. Now that I have my stove back and working, I will press on. I have not made bok choy in weeks! Another two weeks of kitchen work and we should be up and running. Any suggestions as to healing food would be appreciated.

Listening to Julia’s therapy -- she is downstairs with Bethany and I am in my room upstairs -- and I hear her being very difficult. She is not listening; she is not transitioning well; she drags her feet; and she turns a deaf ear on ever suggestions. Bethany is working very hard to keep the session going. I have a feeling that this is the same behavior that they are seeing in school. There is also an emergence of an antisocial bent in the kid. Not so long ago, when I or a therapist said, “say, hi to ...”, she would just greet the person as told. Yesterday, I saw she refuse to greet a little kid who greeted her and then turn to her therapist and tell her that she didn’t want to be friendly right now. I am not sure if we are coming into a new phase of behavior or if this is the effect of so much concentration on her scratching habit.

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