14 March 2012

Yesterday was tough. Julia lost two chances again and hit a teacher -- not hard and on the arm, but still. We had another "talk" which I am sure resolves nothing. She is hitting because she gets angry when she loses chances. If she loses three chances she gets sent home and she doesn't want to miss school. She makes sure she doesn't go over two chances but she gets angry at losing any chances and lashes out at the person taking the chances away.

She only lashes out where she is safe.

Smart kid, huh?

This too will pass but while it is here, it is the pits.

Spent too much of yesterday preoccupied with the Jersey house and the estate. I don't want to talk in detail about it. With anyone. I don't want to give a second more than I have to to it. And I have to give over days as it is. Tax information is organized and sent to the attorney. Waiting for a closing date. Other complications. Of course.

I've come to accept, very begrudgingly and not without a lot of ill feelings, that the estate work will be with me during my ENTIRE fallow year. And beyond. If the house closed today, there would still be taxes to file next year.

Trying, but not succeeding very well, to take the long view. Lessons learned. Points towards sainthood, but then my bad thoughts probably cancel out any quiet endurance points towards sainthood. Endurance. Perseverance. Looking ugliness in the face. Those are the lessons. That is what I see. Exhaustion is what I feel.

I've kept my process and feelings about the estate, my mother's estate, out of the blog for months. I write now only because it intrudes into my solitude.

Enough and no more.

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