Julia is no longer taking group swimming lessons because I spaced signing her up a few weeks ago, so my Saturday time for a good long write while Julia swims is gone. The second best time in Sunday for about a half hour while Julia has a private lesson with Linda. Today, Linda came with something new. She brought a little book with a swimming social story. We'll try reading it before lessons and I will add more pictures. For private lessons, Julia needs to learn about following Linda's directions, about listening, and about being just a little girl (and not a dinosaur, black cat, or any other animal) during her lessons.
Today in Sunday school, I was Kevin's co-teacher, Julia had her wonderful aide, Erin, and was able to deal with me paying attention to other kids, and was also able to do the craft. Today, the kids made nest boxes – little fruit boxes filled with things that birds might use to make nests. Every kid decorated the outside of the box with pictures and/or just colors, and then made nests! Although Kevin tried very hard to explain that they were making nest boxes, every one of our 6-8 year olds understood it as making a nest. I knew that Julia would see it that way but it was interesting that the others kids, NTs every one, understood the same thing.
Part of this week's query about our upcoing IEP was prompted on an emotional level by Friday at school. The morning which is usually Writers' Workshop with pretty defined rules was pretty chaotic – too many choices for Julia and too much distraction – because it was set up to free the teachers for a bit of time to test/evaluate kids. Although most of the kids loved this time, kids like Julia were somewhat frantic.
Thinking about Friday and then Sunday school this morning, and in addition, the sudden loss Amy, Julia's favorite aide in school, I understand better my own extremely emotional response. HOME SCHOOL! A way to control as much of Julia's world as I possibly can. I have gotten some very good suggestions about blending regular school with home schooling and even to try to use tutors instead of the classroom. My gut tells me that Julia needs more one-on-one time and stability, as much as possible, with her teachers, but she also needs her classroom.
I am seeing Julia attempt conversations. She said good bye to Anna, she “reads” stories with Lilah, she tries talk to kids getting ready for swimming lessons. Maybe she is showing growth in her social relationships. That in itself would be good reason to keep her in school. But some educational time that is more solitary is something that I can ask for.
Our cuddling is changing character as well – Julia willingly comes to it most of the time, but wants to control it and tries in much more subtle ways than she used to (we have a closing ritual and she is already to say when that ritual should start – so very cooperative). She does not fuss or need quite as much raw emotional outlet (although cuddling was what we did when Julia had trouble on Friday and then, Julia was very emotional and needed lots of controlled holding). Usually now, she gets angry at me at some point and will hit or kick at me. I immediately put her in a firmer hold and she knows now that when she is ready to tell me that her arm or leg will not hurt me, I will release the hold. She is also more willing to be herself, a little girl, and not a cat or dinosaur.
Today, after some anger and cuddling, Julia told me that she didn't want any more kisses. I tried to tease her out of her refusal to be kissed. She wouldn't hear of it. So I asked if she was kissed in China. She said no. I asked is she was hugged in China and she said no. I asked of MiaoMiao kissed her in China and she said yes. And she told me that she kissed MiaoMiao a lot in China and that they hugged as well. She had a big smile on her face when she talked about MiaoMiao. She told me she was not going back to China, MiaoMiao was not going back to China, and that she wanted to bring MiaoMiao to the Puppy House (her name for our house) and have her live with us. Although we've talked about MiaoMiao, now Abby, many times, this is the first time that she has asked for Abby to live with us. I've always known that was what she wanted and sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if we had tried to bring both of them home at the same time, or if, had her parents not come for her, we had gone back for MiaoMiao as soon as we could.
We talked more and Julia told me that Abby was safe at home. She wanted to know if it snowed “in” Abby's house like it did in Wisconsin. She seemed to have a new clarity about all of what happened to her friend.
I too am slowly finding some clarity. My first GAL case which was dismissed after I talked to the petitioner – and I hope I get assigned another case soon. This is work I want to do. The idea of keeping Julia home all summer and building a structured summer for her – lots of questions about this to all of our professional helpers but an idea to consider. Learning more about playgroups and how they can help kids on the spectrum and other kids who need socialization. Learning more about how to teach Julia and other kids who have suffered trauma. These answers, the questions, have surfaced. Last week, I was asked to join the board at ARC Dane County. I've hesitated for days. But I am ready to say yes. And PTO president for next year – I will be way out of my comfort zone there but I find myself with ideas and a mission. Where did the mission come from? I have no idea, but it is there. It is a few years since Lisa said that Julia was my vocation. Julia is not my vocation, but she has rubbed the moss off my still and settled mind and pushed me to wonder and challenge and learn.
Julia wants to dive! She jumps with her hands over her head, but her willingness is what makes me smile.
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