30 May 2011

Drawn to the Journey. On the open wide sea.

Julia just said this. She is playing with something that looks like an ark, putting many small dinosaurs into it. And a few big ones. Is the Flood story so universal that even a child who is not exposed to it intuit it somehow? Of course, we do read a lot of stories and there is lots of adventures on boats and at sea.

I was surfing and reading travel notes from various friends on Facebook and feeling the tug of travel. Drawn to the journey. Yes, indeed. I imagine that if I did not have Julia to raise that I would rent this house out and go traveling -- Italy, Australia, Vietnam, China, Cambodia, England, Scotland, Bolivia, Peru. Of course, it would not be that easy. Truth be told, if I did not have Julia, I would not be collecting widow with a minor child social security, and without that money coming in, I would be hard pressed to even keep the house, let alone rent it. I would be scrambling for work or depleting my investments that I am bound and determined to live on for a very long time.

But another truth is that if I did not have Julia, life would be so different that I can't say where I would be right now. Like pulling the crucial piece out of a Janga tower -- the tower impossible and unimaginable without it. And she is woven into the fabric of my being.

Still, I take that mental break at times from wondering and worrying and teasing out ideas for our future to imagine a simpler future, alone and unencumbered, in which I spend time as an independent woman of means drawn to the journey.

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