"Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you . . ." - Landslide, Stevie Nicks
Sorting letter last night, seeing the proof of how long and hard David and I had to work to fit together. We were two such different souls. Thank goodness for passionate, blinding, irrational love. Without such glue, would we have worked so hard? I am now used to thinking of us as the effective team, the good family that we became, but we rubbed each other raw for years and years. We could be needy and demanding. We each felt frozen out at times from the other; we called each other selfish sometimes. And we were. And now, I climb out of the safety of the united life that we built. That too, is not easy. It is as if we worked so long and hard to make ourselves and each other perfect puzzle pieces with curves and flat places and notches and irregularities. We worked to fit each other so that we could live and love and work and raise our girls. And now, my task is to become an end piece, maybe a corner - strong and independent enough to hold my present, my future, and my children as a family.
It was a lifetime of work -- before we were married, we read a good deal of Rilke, especially from his Love and Other Difficulties. We chose well.