07 February 2011

The feeling creeps up on me sometimes. Out of the blue I am ambushed. I am alone. It startles me. Yes, there are still pockets of my soul that doesn't really know this fact of singleness. Part of me that still assumes that life will get back to the coupled normal that I've lived with David. I know I've written this before, and I probably will do it again. From what I've read about the brain, we store memories and information is many different parts of the brain. I am beginning to believe we store love in so many of our cells as well. And some way I moved today, something I listened to, some place I passed stirred assumptions stored deep inside.

Not even sad. Not really. Well, yes it is sad, but today more surprising than sad.

This weekend and most of the end of last week, PTO friction has eaten away at my time and energy. I did what I had to do, only now resenting the time spent because it was almost futile and pretty ugly. It comes down to a committee chair not accepting my authority as president -- and oh, I have so little authority and power. It is almost laughable to have someone challenge. Of course, this has nothing to do with me, but with this particular chair. I am merely the easy object of demonization.

Umm, a Pollyanna thought just occurred to me. This is the most uncomfortable PTO friction that I've been in. This is the most difficult person I've had to deal with. And I've had support in dealing with this person. Two years, and only one #$^$@. Not bad.

And I missed yesterday's anniversary. And ya' know, that's not so bad. Like I said above, not sad today, but I wonder if I will ever be happy again.

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