Julia has been arranging her number tiles in order since school let out in June. At that time, she could sort of do 1-20, and could sort of count them as well. Today, after lunch I suggested we do numbers before her afternoon therapist came over, and she asked if we could do up to 100 today. I told her yesterday that I thought we should try up to 100, even though she has only gone up to 80 previously. So, we dumped out the tiles for 1-80 and she arranged them. Then, I took the extra 20 out of a plastic bag and she arranged them as well.
She was very proud of herself, and needless to say, so was I.
After she was finished my phone rang and Cheshire needed directions, so Julia went outside to her beloved bugs. She loves rolly pollies -- she collects them, puts them in plastic containers and tries to keep them alive. She says she know who are the husbands and who are the wives. Some are babies.
Cheshire asked me to print out "An Evening with Jon Jones", David's last script. I found a version, longer than what was done on stage in February, on the flash drive that I carry. Is it too weird to carry around David's last flash drive. I don't think about it often, but I do carry it. How convenient is it to carry an author's work around. Although, to be honest, most of what is one it is the business and minutia of life, not creative endeavors.
So, I printed it out and looked at it some. Tears welled up -- for David, for Jon, for Jim. I've been thinking about how much I still miss Jon and Jim and they have been dead for more than 20 years. When I am with Cheshire this week especially, I've been very much in the present. And at best, my very best, I can feel as if this time, right now and in the future, is truly another portion of my life -- I thought to write the second half, but I don't intend to really live as long as I have lived. But maybe it is a second half, in quality if not quantity. And for a few minutes, a few moments, I can honestly say that having a second half of life is not good, not bad. It just is. And I have the power to enjoy it or be miserable through it.
Yes, I am better than I was last year at this time. I am further from David and sometimes I can be very sad about that, but when I feel particularly without, I ask for strength, I ask for support. If he is close, I expect that he is giving it.